I started training DD at about age 2.5. Bought potty, pants and a couple of books about potty training. She enjoyed sitting on the potty and reading the books. We did this for a few weeks to prepare her for potty training.
First attempt at about age 2.5. Went without nappies/pants/clothes on lower half, gave her plenty of water and took her to sit on the potty about once every hour. Did this for a few days. She would happily sit on the potty but didn't use it. Lots of accidents. I dealt with it all calmly, said it didn't matter, everyone has accidents, we'll try to reach the potty next time. I have always been calm, positive and encouraging; I've never been cross about accidents or DD's refusal to try. As we still hadn't had one wee on the potty after two days, on the third day I decided she obviously wasn't ready and decided to wait another couple of months.
I have repeated attempts every two to three months since. She is now 3.5 and has never done a wee or poo in the potty or loo.
In November I did things slightly differently because I wanted to get an understanding of how much bladder control she has. Because she seems genuinely phobic about actually weeing or pooing in the potty or on the loo, I said we would go without pull-ups and when she felt like she needed a wee, I'd like her to try and use the loo or potty but if she didn't want to, then she could ask me for a pull-up and use that for the wee, then we would take it off again. My thinking was that I would be giving her an element of control over the situation and I would understand if she still lacked bladder control and the problem is physical or whether it is psychological. She took to this and didn't have one accident.
We carried on doing this for a few days but she then caught a stomach upset and wanted to wear pull-ups full-time.
I tried again shortly afterwards but she didn't want to do it: she became hysterical at any attempt to get her to sit on the potty, go without pull-ups.
This last week out of the blue she agreed to start sitting on the loo again and to go without pull-ups. I gave her lots of water on the first morning, which she was happy to drink because she understood it would make her want to wee and she wanted to use the loo. She asked to go to the loo every 10-15 minutes and was enjoying sitting on it. I spent some time talking with her and gave her some time on her own so if she felt my being there as some kind of pressure I would be removing that pressure from her. Several hours later, she suddenly became very distressed and I mean very distressed hysterical wanting her pants now, would not sit on the loo. She was crying so much I couldn't make her hear me and she couldn't really talk to me. I gave it about 10 minutes but I couldn't let it go any further. I would have had to physically restrain her on the loo to get her on it and I knew she wasn't in any state to sit there and do a wee. I put pants on her and she was in discomfort for a while before she finally went and went so much it went through a size 6 nappy. She had obviously been drinking so much but withholding her wee because she is so afraid of going for a wee on the loo. I am now at my wits end and have no idea how to proceed with this. I don't want to push it and get to the stage of her ending up in a&e and needing catheterising.
But if she could maintain bladder control for so long, when she needed the loo so much and through crying for 10 minutes, it does show how good her control is. It makes it so frustrating because I think if only she would do it just the once we would more or less be there, wees at least.
There are complicating factors: she has had constipation since birth. Since she turned two this has become increasingly severe and she has seen a consultant and is now on Movicol. This works eventually but getting the dose right is difficult and we frequently have days where she is more or less constantly soiling. This makes training all the harder. I tend to keep pull-ups on her when she is having days like this because she gets very distressed by it.
I have tried bribery: chocolates and I've even bought a toy she has wanted for a while. I've shown her it and told her she can have it when she does her first wee on the potty or loo and she does frequently mention the toy but even this hasn't done the trick (she is normally quite amenable to bribery!)
She is a very head-strong girl, very stubborn but also very, very sensitive. She is happy to sit on the loo until she needs to go and then becomes hysterical if any attempt is made to get her on the loo/potty. I think her fear is not the loo or potty itself but going for a wee/poo on the loo. When I say she can be sensitive other recent examples include hating noise and wanting tv on so low it can barely be heard and if her socks aren't on with the line across the toes straight and pulled tight over her heels again she will become hysterical.
I'm sorry it is long but didn't want to drip-feed and wanted to get all the relevant history/information in. She is starting school in September. I am desperate and out of ideas. I love her so much and want to do the right thing for her. Please help.