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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

'it's basically child abuse to still have a 3 year old in a nappy!'

46 replies

Kveta · 14/12/2011 10:15

so said a 'friend' to me at the weekend.

Apparently, because I am planning to wait until DS is ready to potty train, I am being abusive to him, as he will be bullied at nursery for still wearing a nappy

I suggested that spending several months forcing him to sit on a potty for 20 minutes at a time 4 times a day, and then having weeks of accidents to clear up, would be more abusive, to him (and to me!). (Plus which, if he was bullied by fellow 3 year olds for being in a nappy, I would be complaining loudly to the nursery about their care standards and removing him from there immediately!)

DS is 26 months btw, we have DC2 due when he will be ~32 months, and he is still totally unaware that he has peed in his nappy, and still requires eye contact when defecating (which is delightful of course...). Nursery and CM have said he'll be ready in his own time, but both think he isn't yet (which I totally agree with!), and have also said it's normal in their experience for boys not to potty train until 2.5-3 years, sometimes later. I doubt that potty training will be at the top of my agenda next May/June, anyway, so unless he's ready before then, plan to wait until after DC2 arrives and settles down a bit.

My 'friend' (actually, there were 3 of them haranguing me in total) was going on about her 18 month old DS using the potty 4 times a day, in front of the TV so he'll sit on it, and sometimes he produces. They have been doing this for a while. I said, if it works for you, that's great, but we're waiting until DS is ready, which is when I was told I was being abusive.

it is normal to wait until the child is ready though, isn't it?

OP posts:

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WhoWhoWhoWho · 14/12/2011 10:52

They do not sound like nice friends at all OP. They sound judgey, nasty, patronising, and just downright rude.

My DS is autistic and is still not toilet trained at 7 (for number 2s - he has bowel problems and takes meds, etc), they would no doubt think me a terrible mother.

You are right to wait until he is ready.

pipoca · 14/12/2011 10:53

I think I read somewhere that the average for a boy is about 36-39 months to "get" potty training. We started DS just after he turned 3 as DD was due when he was 3.2 and I wanted to have given it a go before she arrived. He got it in about 4 days flat. Very stress free.

FunnysInTheGarden · 14/12/2011 10:55

what lovely friends you have! DS1 was out of nappies at around 3.2, but was not dry at night until 5.5 and I fully expect DS2 to do the same. He is 22 months at the mo and nowhere near ready to potty train

sweetsantababy · 14/12/2011 10:58

Your friend is a muppet. DD3 is 2 and 9 months and refuses to use the potty/toilet, they get there in theie own sweet time.

DamnDeDoubtance · 14/12/2011 11:06

DD was potty trained at 2 and it took 1 week to be dry both day and night.

However we used cloth nappies so she was more aware when she went.

The majority of my friends kids were 2.5-3.5. I wouldn't dream of commenting or even being remotely interested in when their kids are potty trained.

Incidentally according to my mil I was late as hers were trained at 12 months.

dutchyoriginal · 14/12/2011 11:14

My mum always tells this story: in their neighbourhood, everybody had their first and second DCs at around the same time (new development). One of her friends had worked extremely hard to pottytrain PFB before the arrival of PSB. As soon as PSB was there, PFB peed her pants everytime the friend had to change PSB's diaper. My mum saw this, held off on the training, and then, when my little sister arrived, put a potty next to the changing station. If I wanted to, I could sit on it, if not, just as fine. I was about 27 months at the time, sis was born early June and I was pottytrained after the summer. There was no pressure and I could do it when I was ready for it.

reallytired · 14/12/2011 11:30

The age a child is potty trained doesn't go on anyone's CV.

I think its a generational thing. A lot of us have mothers who are completely demented about being potty trained early.

I did try elimination communication and had mixed results. Its not just a matter of moving the bowel and bladder muscles, its the ablity to antispate. I don't regret attempting ec as it has prevented dd from having nappy rash. However she hasn't learnt to use the toilet independently yet.

Its the ablity to think hmm I am going on a car journey and I will not be able to use a loo for an hour and I better empty my half full bladder now. Or my bladder is partially full and I better find a toilet before I have an accident as it might take ten minutes.

Vintagepommery · 14/12/2011 11:38

Load of rubbish - I tried training DD1 at 2.5 yrs and in hindsight wished I'd waited till 3. Small children ie 3/4 yo do not bully their peers for wearing nappies.

notcitrus · 14/12/2011 14:02

Ds was the last in Toddler Room at nursery to potty train - we tried when he was 2.6 as he looked like he could do it, but he got so upset it would have been abusive to persist.
At 2.11, once he'd mastered pulling his own pullup and trousers up and down, we gave it another shot because it looked like he could, just didn't want to. He swore blind half the other toddlers still used nappies - the staff confirmed that wasn't the case!
A sticker chart and bribery and lots of stories and praise for sitting on the potty even if nothing happened, and within two weeks he was there, three weeks for pretty much perfection. And then a month later decided to ditch nappies at night - unlike the vast majority of kids whose parents mostly tried not to be smug that their child had potty trained so much earlier!

The other toddlers really couldn't care less, although they could tell you what cartoon characters different children had on their nappies or pants!

moogalicious · 14/12/2011 14:06

Nun it isn't nonsense that a child is ready at 2, some are ready before that age some aren't ready until much later.

OP you know when your child is ready, don't let anyone tell you it's too early or late. And as for being bullies, what rubbish!

moogalicious · 14/12/2011 14:07

bullied

mosschops30 · 14/12/2011 14:08

What a load of rubbish!
I was reminded constantly by my childminder that all her mindees were trained apart from ds1.
Spent lots of time attempting it, he didnt get it, i got frustrated, so we gave up.

A week before his 3rd birthday we tried and he gt it straight away, no accidents, never wet the bed.
I will not be rushing in with ds2 until hes ready

Take your time and igore everyone else

MollyTheMole · 14/12/2011 14:54

oh god ignore them. My DS is 3 in Feb and nowhere near ready. he'll sit on the potty and cheer but thats about it

Nursery havent even batted an eyelid and infact have told me to chill out on the odd occasion I have a bit of a whinge about him still being in nappy compared to some of the others.

Agree with you that it would be more 'abusive' to force him. Take what the person with the amazing potty pooing 18 month old says with a pinch of salt

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 16/12/2011 07:56

Thank God for this thread - DS is 3 next month and nowhere near ready. Was chatting with a couple of Mums today who didn't train their boys until after 3.

Oh, and 3 year olds don't bully each other.

Floggingmolly · 16/12/2011 08:08

God, he'll do it in his own time, don't worry! Not being facetious btw, but I'm intrigued by requiring eye contact to have a poo? What does that involve? Sounds like hard work

FanjoForTheReindeerJumper · 16/12/2011 08:43

i get told this by relatives..DD is 5 and in nappies (she has SN) ..some people really do talk a lot of nonsense :)

MollyTheMole · 16/12/2011 09:57

Flogging - My DS also used to stare at me intently when he was logging and if I looked away he'd get all huffy. Its most unmoving

Methe · 16/12/2011 15:12

It is a load of tosh. I can't even remember when dd potty trained it was that much of a non event.. We waited till she was ready and it took a couple of days.

Ds is 3 just after Christmas and is just getting it.

Getting competitive over potty training is very bizarre. As is he elimination communication stuff, why make life harder for yourself!

colditz · 16/12/2011 15:27

Your friend is talking absolute crap. It's normal to wait until they are ready.Chasing babies around with potties is outdated, pointless, time comsuming and outright odd,.

And of course your toddler won't be bullied for wearing a nappy, what an absurd suggestion.

OrmIrian · 16/12/2011 15:29

"That is basically bollocks" would be the correct response.

Eggrules · 16/12/2011 15:43

They are ready when they are ready.

The private nursery my son attended wouldn't support potty training before their second birthday. My DS was totally ready at 20 months and he had terrible nappy rash but I still more or less had to wait.

The nursery attached to school won't take children aged 3 in nappies and they have to be toilet trained before they go.

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