please help just totally lost it with ds2. Feel awful.

[bluemousemummy]

Tried over the summer to potty train ds2 and although he was often dry at night (so clearly had bladder control) and would go on the potty every time if I left him bare bottomed, as soon as I put pants or trousers on him, he would wee in them. After 6 weeks of this I decided to put him back in (cloth) nappies and wait for him to want to do it himself.

Trouble is I am now 30 weeks pg and exhausted. Really wanted to potty train him before dc3 is born cos I am changing 7 or 8 cloth nappies a day and just can't face the thought of having 2 in nappies again. It's so frustrating because I KNOW he can do it, he just won't co operate. He is not motivated by stickers or any of that type of thing. I tried bribing him with chocolate back in the summer to no avail.

Anyway this evening he had gone in the other room whilst I was getting ds1 out of the bath and then came back in and announced he had done a poo and I just lost it and shouted at him and asked him why he had done it in his nappy and he just said "because I thought it was nice". I feel awful but I really shouted back, something along the lines of "well it's NOT nice, it's DIRTY" etc.

I wish I could be laid back about it all and I have been doing really well the last couple of months but the last couple of weeks have been really hard, it is doing my back in to be manhandling a large 2.9 yo in and out of nappies and trousers (they are quite a tight fit over cloth nappies) 7 times a day. I don't know where to go from here. Any advice would be appreciated. I know I should probably leave it but it really is physically exhausting me now and I can't see how it will be any easier once there is a baby in the house as well.

Does it have to be cloth? Don't get me wrong, I loved my cloth nappies, much preferred them to disposables and used them all the way through with my DC (I have 3, each 2 yrs apart) right up until near the end when it came to the semi potty trained / pre potty training practice stage. Then I used pull ups (Nature Babycare ones are great). The plus side is that you can do regular potty trips, without any pressure on actually potty training properly. You can leave him bare bottomed around the house and then put a pull up on to go out. Keep it as easy as possible for yourself at the moment. If I were you I would keep going like this (semi potty trained and using pull ups) until the baby is at least a couple of months old when you have the time and energy to go for full on into pants potty training. In the mean time, you never know, if you give him the opportunity, lots of trips to the potty and bare bottomed time at home you might just one day find he has trained himself.

Thanks.The reason I am using cloth all the time is partly finances, and partly because I know he doesn't really like them, thus giving him more of an incentive to want to ditch them. I know I am also making life harder for myself, and it sounds like I am cutting off my nose to spite my face, but if I don't also make nappy changes inconvenient for him I don't see why he will ever want to be out of them. I change every nappy on the bathroom floor so that he has to stop playing and leave the room. You would think that would be enough to make him use the potty but clearly he is more stubborn than I am! I might try putting the potty where he is playing but cart him off to the bathroom to deal with 'accidents' (I am about the term 'accidents' with ds2 since he only decides to wee when I am out of the room, or he takes himself off to to a poo in the cupboard under the stairs - another reason to believe that he is physically fully aware of what he is doing and just stubbornly refusing to co operate).

I think put him in pants.

Thats it he is obviously ready, if he wets then let him stay wet for long enough for him to be bothered by it and also obviously make a big fuss when he does go on the toilet/ potty. FWIW my dd hated the potty but did like going on the little seat over the toilet thingy (from mothercare.)

I think its one of those things you either do or don't otherwise it gets so confusing for them and once you have put him in pants stick with it normally you have to hit the wall and then it will suddenly fall into place (in my limited experience!)

Just reread your thread op! Could you do something along the lines of a reward system like a rocket or something going up a chart that moves up when he wees/poos on the loo/potty but moves down if he goes in his pants. When it gets to the top he gets a special present?

I can totally understand why you lost it with him!

thanks girliefriend. going all tearful now, pg hormones!! plus dh is away for the weekend so feeling all pathetic and cross with myself for losing temper first night he is away! just sorting out some jogging bottoms and working out if I have enough to have another go at pants. Have resisted reward chart so far mainly on the grounds that it didn't work with ds1 (but that's another story!), I did try stickers a while ago but found he wasn't really bothered. I do think a special present of some sort would motivate him though so it might be worth a go - smarties and things never worked, probably because they get treats anyway . He does love toys, esp cars and things, so maybe something like that would get through to him. Thanks.

i make it very annoying for my DD when she has accidents, she has to leave all toys, tv etc when she has an accident (I may be really evil and switch Peppa Pig on for the baby to listen to, its her favourite and she hates missing it) and take ages sorting her out. Where as I let her sit on thepotty in the lounge and let her play with books, watch tv etc. After a few bad weeks before, this approacch seems to be working. Mean mummy i KNOW!

I know you shouldn't let it become a battle of wills but when you have a very stubborn child it's kind of hard not to! I just think that unless you make nappies/accidents unpleasant or a hassle there are some children who will continually resist!

You know even if he cracks it in the next few weeks it is highly likely that he will regression when the baby arrives. I too would go bare at home and pullups out and about, zero pressure, huge celebrations for performance on the potty.

(and yes it is hard to stay calm, but in a battle of wills the toddler will invariably win, I am currently suffering dd2 "learning" or not to poo on the toilet)

I know, you're probably right, but at least if he regresses I can deal with that as a separate issue rather than starting from scratch. I can't see that I am going to have more time/patience in 4 months' time. At the moment he is happy, healthy and has my undivided attention most of the time since ds1 started school in Sept, so in many ways it is ideal timing, I just need to find a way to get him to see that!!

I agree with you about not worrying about the regression issue - my DD2 trained about 3 months before had DS - it was blissful to have a couple of months off from nappies before he arrived. A few months after I had DS she had a huge regression despite having been nappy free for nearly 6 months. It was fine - a couple of weeks of hell and we were through it and it did not detract against the prior 6 nappy free months being totally worthwhile, so if you can train him now I would - but do expect a regression is fairly likely.

When you say 'as soon as you put him in pants he wee'd in them' - how long did you keep at it for in pants? I found with each of mine that they needed a good 3 or 4 days to start getting it once they were in pants and then the accidents started to quickly diminish. I still had to be proactive and take them to the loo regularly in the beginning too.

I do sort of see your point about making nappy changes a pain and a hassle, but I don't think children really work quite like that. I think it is all about habit and what they are used to. So the more he gets in the habit of using the potty / loo e.g. by being bare bottomed at home or maybe using pull ups and regular potty trips, then the more that becomes habit and it's easier to make the switch to pants. The problem that I found with cloth nappies is that it is a bit of a rigmarole to get them off - so there is no 'quick - I need a wee' and pull down the pants, it's all just so much easier for them to do it in the nappy and then go through the changing rigmarole afterwards

Good luck whichever way you go, but please try and make your life easy. you are about to have your third child which is enough of an onslaught! I really would suggest that you try and keep the last few months gentle and fairly stress free as you can!

Thanks everyone. Put him in pants this morning and an hour later he announced he needed to do a wee, and did it in the potty. so he CAN do it!

Then for the rest of the day he weed in pants despite me having reminded him (gently!) a couple of times. Each time I got him to change his own trousers and pants etc and tried to stay positive. Still not sure he is going to co operate though. I am going to try to give it a couple of weeks and see if there is any progress. Got to go out for the day tomorrow so could be a tricky day but won't expect too much from him.

On the plus side, he has learned how to put on pants, trousers and socks today!

Gah, bloody toddlers. He hung on for FIVE AND A HALF HOURS today then weed in pants, despite me reminding him. Deliberately left table and went in other room. I KNEW he was going to do it as well.

Then 40 minutes after he went to bed he came downstairs announcing he needed to do a wee, and did it in the potty.

I sort of admire his spirit, in a begrudging sort of way. Shows character, or something.