3 year old is getting worse as the months go by - what to do?

[NoseyNooNoo]

We started potty training 6-7 months ago. Ds seemed to get it and then over the last 2-3 months it's been going back down hill again. Today before lunch he wet himself. He mucked around over lunch and then we had a snuggle on the sofa and as we did he pooed in his pants. I saw him strain and he was insistent that he wasn't pooing but he had. It was a really solid poo - it didn't just slip out unnoticed.

So, what do I do? I think this is behavioural rather than being a bladder/bowel control issue.

Im suffering the same and would love an answer too!

Well as I wrote that post he was pooing again.

He's being naughty generally. I don't get it. It's not a bladder/bowel issue but I can't get into the psyche of a child who would prefer to have a soiled pair of pants and displeased parent instead of a nice cuddle and clean pants.

the only thing i seem to find that seems to make any improvement is bribary. But that can only work so long? Im getting to thestage where imalmostready to give in and go back to nappies!

Do you have the same fear as me everytime you go swimming or to softplay or other peoples houses? Im sure its going to give me a nervous twitch!

I so feel your pain. We have been in training for over 10 months, and every time I think we are turning the corner regression kicks in. It is really depressing and tiring having to constantly deal with wet or dirty pants. I've had the whole swimming pool issue with a poo, we just don't do soft play anymore as I can't deal with the stress. I am convinced this is about control and nothing to do with ability. My DD can do it when she wants to, we did lots of bribery and as soon as it stopped she went back to being wet again. I can count the number of dry weeks we've had on one hand. My DD is 4 in Feb, so she was more than ready. We have, after more patience that I thought I would ever have, commenced less of the 'never mind lets try again', and more of the 'that is unacceptable behaviour' school of child rearing in the hope that she will get it and stop having wet pants and a very grumpy mother. Frankly I am fed up with being nice about it as it is not working. Sorry I can't really help, just wanted to let you know you are not on your own.

I liked your phrase 'Frankly I am fed up with being nice about it as it is not working'. That's how I feel.

To be fair to DS he is pretty good when out but at home he is doubly incontinent which is how I know he's just taking the mickey.

I don't think we've ever had an entire dry week but we have had a rare dry to day!!!!

Dd is a bit like this we have a good few weeks then a few days of an odd accident- I find that it starts going downhill after she's had an accident at nursery- so I'm mrs reminder- "do you need a wee?" / bribery for the next 2 days and if she is dry for those days were ok again.

Early intervention with bribery for a few days after the first accident basically.

This might not be everyone's ideal choice, but it worked for me and DS (aged 3.1 when he was potty trained)

He RESISTED more than I can begin to explain.. so rather than react to an accident, I just ignored it. I did (and I appreciate not everyone will agree with this) not rush to change him. I let him get wet and cold. Maybe only 5-10 minutes but enough for him to realise that him soiling himself was NOT going to get all the attention back on him and I was NOT going to rush to his aid.

It took less than 2 weeks (around 10 days) for him to be using the potty/ toilet on his own and able to pull up and down his own pants.

As I say, I KNEW it was not his ability but his desire to be potty trained, and he liked the fact he would get my attention when he soiled himself. Now, he only gets that sort of attention when he says he needs the toilet.

HTH

My son too. I do something now with him, an idea I got from reading a book from the Gesell Institute called "your three year old". To ring a bell every now and then to remind the little one to go to toilet. Okay I happen to have a bell lying around at home! It works though, there are no more accidents, and he seems to be able to go to the loo by himself too even during times when the bell was nt rung, so I am thinking maybe he forgets at times or... Anyway, works for me..

Quite relieved to see this, as my DS is nearly 2.11 (so 3 just before Xmas) & has been trained since July. He is able to go for 3 hour car journeys, be in shops, cafes, soft play etc without an accident, then when we get home he will wee in his pants! This has happened 3 days out of 4 at home in the last week.

I don't know whether it might be a factor that for the last couple of weeks he has had no potty downstairs as we thought he was far enough on to use the toilet upstairs by himself (no loo downstairs). The thing is, he will say "I need a wee" then refuse to go, as he wants to carry on playing or watching CBeebies! Then he starts in his pants & finishes on the loo & says "It's OK Mummy, I did a big wee on the toilet". So, I have started to tell him that no, it's not OK, & he must do all his wees on the toilet & none in his pants at all. Strangely enough, no issues with poo, at night or out of the home, just plain simple wees at home! Arrgh!

Sorry if this was a bit longer than I intended, DH doing a 16-hour day today, so just doubly cannot deal with this!