No accidents but no wees either... help!

[IslandIsla]

DD is 2.7yrs, we've had a go at potty training a couple of times over the summer but it wasn't very successful - never any wee in the potty. I lost heart after a couple of days each time and put it on the backburner. However now nearly all my friends children (at least, all the girls) of the same age are trained (I am feeling the pressure!) and I do feel DD has the capability now, so decided to dedicate some time to it over half term. So over the past week we've had lots of nappy free sessions. Generally nappy off in the morning and afternoon, but she has it on for her (long) nap and I'm sure she wees in her nappy when she wakes up.

On day 1 we had a couple of accidents, finally at the end of the day she weed in the potty but only after sitting on it in front of the tv for a while and I went out of the room.
On day 2, one accident, no wees in the potty.
Since then, no accidents at all, but no further wees in the potty (now day 6 - although day 4 we had a rest and nappy all day).

She definitely needs to go - today she has told me the 'wee is stuck'. She is willing to sit on the potty, and not fleetingly, she'll sit there quite a while before she gives up, but she just can't seem to relax to go.

Today when she told me the wee was stuck, I suggested we put a nappy on her, and did so, but then she got very distressed, didn't wee, and asked for her knickers back.

I'm feeling abit clueless about how to proceed, please any advice welcome!

I am in a similar position with my DTD2, 2.6 who did no wees on the potty for the first 2 days (horrible as DTD1 kept getting claps, cheers, choc buttons etc. and it seemed like we were punishing DTD2 rather than congratulating DTD1). DTD2 wees in her naptime nappy and they both wee in the bath at night. The only successes we've had in 5 days have been one wee in the afternoon and once or twice another one in the morning.I
t seems both of them hardly ever wee. DTD1 has been totally dry for 5 hours already today.. DTD2 sits (not very well) and says the wees are coming and then immediately jumps up and says she's finished. Their bladder control is clearly good enough that we should persevere!

We have made slow slow progress after she dribbled out a teaspoonful and we made a huge huge fuss, and then the next time I did a long cheerleeder type commentary and she managed to let go some more and then some more. This has now happened twice I'm hoping it will get better and better from here as she gets more practice but it's clearly going to be very long haul (and in all honesty if I have to spend too many more days in the house with both of them I might just lose the plot...)

Well, I was going to suggest just putting the nappy back on and waiting a while before trying again but then I saw at thend that you say she was upset and wanted the knickers. I've got two boys so it's a bit different maybe, but when I potty trained them we basically stayed in the house for a few days until they got the hang of it. Putting nappies/pullups on when going out seems to confuse them IME. It's been a few years, but when my boys were in pull-ups there were some brands that had pictures on the front that showed up when they had wee'd so then you'd be able to see if she's been after her nap. One thing I would recommend though is trying to get her to drink as much as possible - sounds obvious but if she is drinking lots then she'll need to wee lots and will hopefully get the hang of it . Get lots of things she likes to drink - squash/juice as a treat if she only normally has water, anything to get her drinking and weeing! Good luck and don't worry about what other people's DD's are doing, take it at your DD's pace and she'll get there in the end.

Thanks for your advice!

1stMrsF good luck with your two! It must be difficult having two at different stages. Like you say with yours, I think my DD has the bladder control to do it. She just needs to see the potty/toilet as a 'safe' place to wee.

Suburban, this morning we have gone with a nappy (she asked for it) The thing is I really think she's ready. She completely understands the theory (ie no wee in knickers, wee should be in a potty) but is too scared of doing an accident to let go at all. She sees the nappy as a safe place to wee but not the potty. Part of me wonders if waiting will change this at all? We did have the most progress when staying in the house all day, but this was only possible once last week for various reasons. I'm going to try the squash thing I think. After being at toddler group where they serve squash at snack time her nappy is always huge!

Hi Isla.

I've also just started potty training and am getting frustrated too, although for other reasons (dd just did her first poo in 3 days of training). She will wee on the potty 'on demand' and also goes on the little loos at kindergarten, but never takes herself there or tells me she needs to go.

I would suggest making a chart of when your dd wees and then sit her on the potty with a good distraction (telly if necessary) at the most consistent times. I found dd always weed within a couple of minutes after tea, so I put her on the potty then. If your dd really needs to go, then she won't be able to hold it for ages and will hopefully relax with the distraction.

Could try keeping child's knees well apart on the potty as it's virtually impossible to hold wee in then (besides using pelvic floor muscles, which is a little advanced for most preschoolers!). She'd need an iron sphincter! Not quite sure how to do that though, perhaps you could think of a game where she holds her knees against your hands or something. Otherwise, does a backrub or something similar relax her?

Have you tried sitting her on the potty and running a tap? Or tickling her/ making her laugh which should make her relax the sphincter enough to let go? Literally laughing so much she wets herself!

And yes, step up the drinks.

Here's my experience just in case it helps anyone.

My DD was 2.2 when we started training because she wouldn't wee in nappies anymore, she'd hold it in until she had so much the nappy just couldn't take it! For the first few months she would ONLY wee in the bath and then only after much encouragement! She wouldn't have any accidents either. It was quite tiring I can tell you. We eventually cracked using the potty by just not taking her for a wee except first thing in the morning. I knew from experience she could last until 5pm (ish) before her body would take over. Because there was such a lot to come out as soon as she started to go I sat her on the potty & from then on she knew it was OK to go in the potty & we didn't need to go in the bath.

DD is 2.5 now. She still only goes about 3 times a day, but is dry at night, so I count my blessings that we managed to crack that nice and early on, even if it's a real trial to get her to go the rest of the time.

Thank you all for your advice. Sorry I haven't been back in a while, but I have been reading your replies and using your advice. (and waves back to silken!)

Got a bit depressed about the potty thing as we didn't have much progress - just lots of holding it in. So went back to nappies for a while. Have now decided to be a bit more relaxed about things and let DD go at her own pace. I don't think an all-or-nothing approach is going to work for me or DD, its just too stressful, so we've had some 'knickers' sessions at home, but still wear nappies out and at naps. My aim is to just get her comfortable without a nappy on, and not scared to wee in the potty or toilet. Once I have DD happy to wee on the potty I'll be happy to take the nappies away more, but accidents really distress her and seem to be counter-productive and she tells me she is 'scared' when this happens (although generally she hardly ever has accidents, and if she has an accident its a tiny trickle down her leg which she stops quickly!) I guess one positive is, I don't have any accidents to clear up!

Today we had to stay in all day so I decided to introduce a sticker-incentive for weeing on the potty and we have some progress. First a teeny tiny droplet in the potty, then later, a little trickle! I feel we might be getting somewhere so going to keep on this tactic for a while. Of course she did a big wee when her naptime nappy went on, but once I have her happy to do more wee in the potty we'll lose the naptime nappy.

So its slow progress, but I think I'm happy with that now. She will do it in her own time