what's the best approach for a child who can, but won't, use potty?

[rhetorician]

DD is 2.9 and we are adopting a very gently gently approach to potty training (mainly because she has had constipation on and off since weaning, now well controlled, but want to avoid her withholding) - nursery will support once she is ok with the basics, and she goes there Mond, Weds and Fri, so it's hard to go cold turkey. We have cleared a week at the end of the month to try and crack it.

BUT, she is keen to do it, and does know how to wee in potty - it works best if we don't nag or hector her - just remind. She is pleased with herself, but soon gets bored of it - so will do a wee or two in the morning, but by lunchtime is saying 'I don't want to', at which point she quite often has an accident. I don't want to put too much pressure on, but she also has to learn. Any tips?

She gets a smartie for a wee in the potty, but this doesn't quite seem to tip the balance, even though she loves smarties, and fully understands what is going on.

ps I'm sorry for keep posting, but I have never trained a child before, and am unclear how to proceed...we are making progress but it's very slow, probably because on nursery days she is back in nappies

I think you need to go cold turkey and not do pants on one day and nappies on another. I think nursery should support what you are doing from the start, not just when she has 'got the basics', because clearly this is confusing for a child. She knows that she goes back to nappies and there is no reason to stay dry.

You could up the bribery, but I doubt that nursery would do that. I think the best bet is to have a really good go during the week you are off, no nappies unless for sleep, and see where you are, if no improvement when back at nursery you might have to think again. If DD isn't going to co-operate you might need a break from it for a while.

yes, I think you are right - there's no percentage in us insisting either if she is off to nursery next day in nappies, so she knows that is what will happen, even though she wants to do it (or has said she does, unprompted). I don't understand the nursery's policy on this - if the message was being reinforced there, she would definitely do it. It's very frustrating - I don't see why we have to take a week off everything else to potty train her because they won't help (incidentally our last week off together before the arrival of dd2). Am very about it. But thanks for your reply - much appreciated and very wise.

How soon is DD2 expected, because even if you get DD1 trained, she will almost certainly regress after the baby comes. So maybe find out what the nursery's policy is on potty training, and decide whether you want to go ahead at this time. I'm pretty sure DD1 isn't sure herself yet whether she is ready for training, with all the excitement about the baby she may still want to be a baby herself.

early December - nursery seems (to me) to have highly unusual policy - e.g. that they will support, but expect parents to train the children at home. If they are part-time, this leads to contradictory messages, and if they are full-time I have no idea how it happens.

She is torn between wanting to be a big girl and wanting to be a baby, and I know that she will inevitably regress - but she is 3 in January, and I guess I really think that she is ready to train (not least because of her resistance to nappies)

Hi
My DS is 3 in january and I'm planning a cold turkey approach at the end of the month, half term week, as he will be off nursery and I'll have more free time than usual. There's a thread on here with loads of mums who have just started/are about to start potty training.

3 in December I mean, ooops!