Have I Stuffed this Up Completely?

[wahine12]

DD has been potty training for about a month. She's still not really getting it. She is a highly articulate 2.4 year old and knows when she needs to poo and pee. She is dry at night. She pees on cue when we take her to the potty/toilet prior to going out in the car, watching Dora, having her bath, going to bed etc. She has even done poos in the toilet a couple of times. She has Dora knickers, which she loves and wants to wear these knickers especially.

BUT 5 minutes after she has peed a tiny amount in the potty/toilet (she gets a choice) the floodgates will open all over the couch/floor. And poos are just wherever she stops (not concerned about this at the moment as we haven't passed the first hurdle). AND she's not particularly concerned. She tells me she's done wees, points to the puddle and keeps on playing. We go and clean it up together and I say 'next time we do poos and wees in the ...' and she replies 'potty'. I tell her that mummy is disappointed that she didn't tell mummy she needed to go.

So, I'm feeling she is a bit of a performing seal - able to give the right answers to the questions and able to pee on cue, but not really taking on board that the potty is more than a game to please Mum and Dad or be allowed to watch more Dora. There is also an element of being far too busy to go to the loo (I know where she gets that from).

We have tried sticker charts and if she gets to the end of the day dry she has a special set of Dora colouring in she can do. I am trying to make the whole thing positive and put a real positive spin on being dry and clean, using the potty, being a big girl, etc. But to be honest she just doesn't seem to care.

I'm not sure what to do. I am tempted to put her back in nappies and say she isn't a big enough girl to wear Dora knickers. But I'm not sure that will make any difference to her. From my perspective she just doesn't seem to be making any progress or even trying. I was thinking that some negative feedback might be the kick up the bum she needs (pardon the pun). She might get upset when she goes to nursery and others are using the loo but not her. (BTW she is far better at nursery than at home). But then again, I don't want her getting negative vibes about the loo so I'm loathe to do it.

This is sooooooo hard. Any suggestions?

I wouldn't put her back in nappies as a way of giving her negative feedback, nor accompany it with "you aren't big enough". But if she doesn't care yet, she doesn't care yet, and maybe you need to put her back in nappies for her own sanity.

I mean, look, if sticker charts and Dora rewards and all your positive spin about being a big girl aren't doing it, then she's probably not prepared to play along just yet. She has plenty of external motivation, and you can't give her the internal motivation. So I would put her back in nappies, but be really matter of fact about it. And try again in a month or so, it often doesn't take longer than that.

Out of interest, though, do you mean she's getting up to use the potty at night, or do you mean she just lasts through? Does she wear one at night?

Thanks for the reply Tortoise.

The nursery workers said we shouldn't put her back in nappies as she'll think that she can go back to nappies at any time. Interestingly she is often dry for the whole day at daycare. I think she likes to please the carers and so will play ball for them.

I am worried about giving her a complex about the potty and don't want to be negative but I also feel like she just doesn't give a shit and needs a little tough love. The shock of all her nursery friends using the potty and her in nappies may be enough to get some motivation. I also want to be a little nasty after all the cleanup I've had to do.

In answer to your question, she wears a nappy at night and is generally dry in the morning and after naps.