Help 4.5 year old still not toilet trained

[mandhann]

Having major problems with my dd who only occassionally ask to go to the loo. I have to constantly remind her to go and if I don't she just wets herself, not had one poo in the loo always in her knickers ( been trying to train her since 3). I have tried sticker charts, sweets and treats. I have tried keeping her at home for 2 weeks with no distractions as lazyiness is a lot of it. She has been checked over by Dr but no medical problem found. Have delayed school as she is not even dry for 1 day a week. She was previously picked on at nursery because of this problem and became increasingly isolated and lossed confidence. I have contacted eric who were very good, but wondered is there any one out there with same problem or any other suggestions what to try next?

Sounds like a nightmare for all of you. The only advice I can offer (as a nursery nurse) is to stop asking her when she needs to go and to let her take the lead. I think she needs to learn to recognise when she needs to go herself and not rely on others telling her.
I appreciate that this will mean more accidents in the short time but in the long term you should sees some results.
I know it is very easy to say and less easy when you are in the middle of it, but if you are more relaxed in your attidtude, DD will pick u on it and become less anxious.

Thank you so much for your response I will give it ago. It is something I haven't tried as I tend to say something to her. But as you say if I back off she might start doing it herself.

I would go back to the GP and ask for a referral to a continence nurse, your local childrens hospital will have one.
Do not take no for an answer, it is obv becoming a problem for you both.

Thank you for your message, I am do to see peadetrican on 5 oct so I will ask to be referred on as you say there must be a specialist who can help.

please dont automatically assume it is laziness and keep an open mind as to it not being medical. Many doctors struggle to diagnose toileting problems. Encourage the paediatrician to consider possible medical reasons too.

we were being told my sons problems were because he couldnt be bothered and unfortunately he would support this as he didnt know what excuse to give for his total lack of any control of his bladder or bowel. When we finally got a medical diagnosis and medication his toileting problems were solved.