Potty training but mixed messages from nursery...

[tigersmummy]

I attempted potty training in April with DS who was 3.2yrs at the time - lasted 1.5 days as several accidents, language not advanced enough to tell me, fed up with the sound of my own voice asking about wee and poo, etc. So last Monday I decided to try again - the afternoon was good so sent to nursery in pants Tuesday and Wednesday. Several accidents, usually just minutes after he'd sat on potty. I collected him on Wednesday and was met with 'we usually advise children should be almost dry at home before coming to nursery in pants'. To be honest, I felt totally reprimanded, like I was one of the children, and got the distinct feeling that it was more because it was a pain for them to keep changing him. Of course I can appreciate that, but support for however a parent decides to potty train their child needs to be paramount.

We have continued to put him in pants and I'm sure his bladder control is getting better, as he went from 10am to 3pm without a wee, didn't even wee when he had a nappy on for sleep time. And I'm convinced a 3 year old cannot hold their wee consciously. I'm asking him every 10 minutes whether he needs a wee or poo, repeating that he should use potty if he needs it and not to wee or poo in pants and he's repeating what I'm saying, so I'm sure its going in to some extent. Had 2 wee and 1 poo in pants today but also a wee on the potty which was rewarded with lots of praise and a giant chocolate button!

I'm going to continue with pants for next 2 days but as its still early days and he doesn't necessarily have an inclination to get to the potty before he needs to, what shall I do on Tuesday when he's back at nursery? They are saying he needs to go back into a nappy (and that's their policy, to wear pants at home and nappies there until they crack it) but that advice totally contradicts everything I've ever read or been told. Surely it will confuse him more to swap between the two? I don't want to fall at the first hurdle but if he needs to go back into nappies anyway (as can't see he will have cracked it by then) what is the point in continuing at the moment?

Advise will be appreciated! Feel quite unsupported by nursery whereas they have been absolutely brilliant with other things since he started 2 and half years ago.

On Monday phone nursery, chat through you situation, you say they have been helpful in the past, perhaps the member of staff was stressed by other things when she spoke to you before.

A half-nappy half pants situation simply will not work for any child.

At home get him to change his own wet pants, keep a big pile of dry ones next to a load of carrier bags and request him to "pop your wet ones off darling and drop them in a bag".

Take him to nursery, in pants, on Tuesday, pop pant pile and bags where he can reach them and he can then do it all himself.

Can't you meet them halfway and put him in a pullup? You can get cloth ones which are really just thick absorbent pants, so he's less likely to get confused.
For what it's worth, half nappy half pants CAN work. DS potty trained part time - we'd do a morning of pants, then back in a nappy for a rest. I think it took about a week, all told, until he was done. I also kept him in pull-ups when we went out until I was sure he was reliably trained. It didn't confuse him in the slightest. 2 weeks after we started potty training like that, we went on an 8hr motorway trip, during which time we were stuck in queuing traffic for 3 hours, and he was absolutely fine.

I think nursery are being unhelpful. With both mine I started them at home, but sent them to nursery in pants after the first few days ( they went to nursery 3 days a week) nursery were great and a real help in potty training, yes there were accidents and I had to send in LOTS of spare clothes, but they were very supportive. I think you need time for a longer chat with nursery as I agree with rosemaryandthyme pants some times and nappies other times is not going to work.

I started potty training when my daughter was 19 months old. To me it felt right. They asked me to put her in pull ups as they thought she was far too young and the under 2 rooms were not prepared for potty training. I ignored and sent her in knickers. I told them I was her mother and the decision was mine. The nursery is there to support your child's development not to make decisions for you.