Toilet trained 3 yr old having accidents

[zippichamiknicks]

I trained my son last year, when he was 3. I deliberately left it to when I thought he was ready and the whole process took a couple of weeks - from potty to toilet. He still had accidents at nursery, but never at home. He is now nearly 3 yrs 8 months and has recently been getting on much better at nursery, but has just started wetting himself with me this week. He had 3 accidents yesterday. I have tried to just be calm, but admit that I have lost my cool with him which I know is the wrong thing to do - and feel very guilty about it too. It's just so frustrating having to go through this again, and not knowing a reason for it and made worse when your child doesn't seem to care and would happily sit in soaking clothes all day.I've read lots of explainations and have been trying to work out why. He's been happily going on his own for the past few weeks at home, but at nursery I know they take him every half an hour. Could it be that he's got used to being prompted and got lazy with reading his own body? I have just started back working 2 days a week, when my mum looks after him and my 1 yr old son, but he's very happy with her. Has anyone else had this experience and what did you find successful?

Just chill out, he's only three, it'll pass.

Thanks for the constructive advice!

zippi

I am just browsing threads as having similar issues with DS1. Just wondered what you had read as possible explanations as I am just at a loss with my DS1. He is 3.8 and only successfully toilet trained a few months ago (3.5). He was taking himself and doing well, home and nursery. We didn't have to remind him. Now we have to remind him, he says he doesn't need to go, and then he has damp pants or full-on accidents (poos too).

We are getting really cross with him, as it's so frustrating. I don't know whether to just start making him go every hour even when he says he doesn't want to. Also maybe we should introduce rewards again, but it is so annoying when he could do it. Our DD did regress and i think only once we stopped getting angry and started rewards did she improve, but she was a lot younger (2.5).

Thanks for your response. It is so frustrating, isn't it! I have read so many suggestions, but no one can get inside a child's head, so it's all speculation. I keep thinking it could be any one of those things! One explanation is that they are going for a growth spurt and can't read the physical signs to go to the toilet, but I've been watching DS1 and can see when he's getting fidgetty so I know he feels it. Another explanation is a change in routine. As I've started back at work for 2 days a week, thought it might be that but I've been back for a few weeks and it's only just started happening this week. I think the most likely explanation for me is that as DS2 has just turned 1 and is just starting to walk and talk it is a way of fighting for attention. DS1 is also starting to attack DS2 a lot, so it does make sense. It's a way of exercising power too though not sure if it's intentional or they're doing it subconsciously. He seems quite pleased with himself sometimes, so I think he enjoys the attention, albeit negative.

I have started to take him to the toilet every hour and insist on trying, in a firm but nice way. He says he doesn't want to go too, but I say just in case. Have to do all the praising again too. I'm trying to calmly deal with the accidents but can't help feeling anxious when they happen and have to work to subdue it. It's still an ongoing process...

I feel sorry for you having to deal with the poo too. Can you think of anything different or significant that's happened or happening in your DS1's life? Another explanation is that they miss all the praise and fuss when they've been trained.

Thanks zippi- I can also tell when DS1 gets fidgetty too and ask him, but maybe I should just take him/encourage him to go. Sometimes it's just slight dribbles, sometimes full accidents.

I have decided to ease off and not get angry, and see if things improve. He has had accidents at home, nursery and out and about so not sure what has changed really- can't think of a trigger apart from attention-seeking- he has a big sister and little brother too. I think some praise/rewards are needed again! Will let you know how I get on, and will be interested to know how things go with you too.

Hi Pikachu

I am pleased to report back that things are back on track, but I'm not counting my chickens too soon! After regularly taking DS1 to the toilet and prompting him, praising him, etc, he seems to be back in the habit again and I don't have to remind him too much now. He even asked to go 3 times at nursery yesterday, which is unheard of! Like I say, I'm not going to become complacent as it's very early days, but I'm pleased that it has been rather easier than I thought. How are things going with you? Equally well, I hope!

Hi Zippi,

yes progress here too. We haven't shouted even when he pooed his pants at the weekend, and have been using a kitchen timer to signal when we want him to go to the toilet- it makes it more fun for him, and better than nagging him. Given lots of praise too for dry pants. Still waiting for that poo in the toilet not pants, but hopefully he will stop holding it in and relax on the toilet again. It feels funny being so excited about a nearly 4 year old being able to keep their pants dry, but it is working!

Just got my 22mo left to toilet train now. He seems interested, and wants to sit on the toilet/potty but gets up straightaway. Very different to DD who did all her poos on the potty from 10mo and was in pants at 16mo , although she still has little accidents now at age 6 .

Hi Pika
Great idea using a kitchen timer! And well done for not shouting. I know how wound up I got with him wetting his pants, so I can imagine what it's like with poos. I think restraint does work though. Everything still going well with mine, but sometimes I think I'm forgetting to praise him again when he goes on his own and think that maybe he'll slip into old habits! Anyway, fingers crossed. You were very lucky with your daugher, but I think girls are better with toilet training. They all have accidents from time to time though. My ds2 is only 13 months but I'm starting to wonder if it might pay off training him a little earlier than ds2 - I thought waiting til they're ready was the best idea, but if you read guides about it they say a child is ready when they're dry at night and that was the case he would probably be in nappies for several years to come! Well thanks for chatting. It's nice to know you're not alone with these things, especially if your friends have children who are perfect in that department! Good luck with your youngest.

Thanks Zippi, glad things are going well for you. We're no where near ready for dry at night either, which is part of the poo problem now- he'll save it up until he has his nappy on after his bath . It's happened twice now, so if that continues, we might have to try nights again to avoid him relying on a nappy, but when we last tried, he was already soaked through and slept through it even when we went to lift him at 10pm...

Thanks for sharing, and good luck with your DS2