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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

How to get DS to tell me?

15 replies

DoodleAlley · 31/01/2011 20:22

So started potty training DS last week he's 2.4. Took to it like a duck to water. Only ever 1 accident a day from start but we were still asking him whether he wanted to go. So today decided to tell him to tell me. And today we had 5 accidents.

Now it could be co-incidence but I'd really really love some advice and experience of anyone with similar experiences.

And I know everyone says don't go back but I can't see how he can move onto telling me rather than spending his entire childhood being prompted to use the toilet.

I know he's got bladder control - he's gone whole afternoons without trips to the toilet or accidents but I can't make him tell me if he doesn't want to.

Been using a star chart but it doesn't always make a difference to him and I'm worried he's starting to get used to being wet.

Really at my wits end after today.

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ceasar04 · 31/01/2011 20:44

DoodleAlley - Sorry no advice at all from me but I could have written your post!!!! I feel your pain!

Also started last week with DS 2.6. Took a bit longer to get it but hasn't had accident since Sat lunchtime so he's doing great but we are exactly the same, if I didn't remind him/put him on potty he would just do it in his pants. Doesn't seem to have a clue beforehand.

Can anyone help us????

Original poster

DoodleAlley · 31/01/2011 20:47

I bet you've read all those books too that talk about them not liking being wet and learning from that?!! Why don't ours?!

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ceasar04 · 31/01/2011 20:54

I know!!! Bloody books!! He would stay in wet pants for hours I'm sure.

I have found myself staring at him to see if he's is pulling a "going for a wee face", its the only clue I've got.
Can sometimes get him to potty in time but not usually.

Found myself begging him at the weekend...please tell Mummy when you need a wee darling...please....please!! Mental behaviour

Hopefully someone will be along to help us soon.

However I am going to forget about it, have a cuppa and watch Glee in bed!

will check in tomorrow x

Original poster

DoodleAlley · 01/02/2011 12:37

Bumping this in case anyone out there can offer advice today....

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girlywhirly · 01/02/2011 14:23

Are all your DC wearing pants and trousers, or just pants? I think this might be a factor, as well as being taken to the loo.

My DS had 'clothing confusion' at the start of his training at 2.6, bare bottomed he was fine, but with clothing he had to think 'am I wearing a nappy or not' which by then was too late as he was already wetting. Then on the second day, nursery left him in pants but no trousers, which meant he knew there was nothing to catch an accident, and so he was very successful from then on, although he was good at asking for the potty. And this was in February!

However, perhaps your DC are able to use the potty when you take them because they have control, but have not been allowed to let their bladders get full to bursting, which is what I think might be happening if you don't take them. To let them take responsibility for their own training, I suggest leaving them pantless while you are at home, with a potty close by, and let them know they can sit themselves on it when they need to. They can get on it quickly without struggling with clothes, and don't need to ask you to help them. I know this will be messy, and you will need to keep a close eye on them, but I think otherwise they will just continue to expect you to take them. If this doesn't work, some might say they aren't quite ready if they can't feel the need to wee or poo before it happens and then be able to do the appropriate thing, either get someone to help or get on the potty themselves.

Original poster

DoodleAlley · 02/02/2011 14:39

Thanks. Might try him pants-less next week. He's at nursery tomorrow and friday.

I don't want to go back as we'll just be too-ing and fro-ing til he's three.

On monday we went swimming and we did again this morning and he had another accident after swimming but was fine on the Tuesday in between so I think it is something about the extra water he takes in when swimming. But he does need to learn to deal with it.

He's normally in pants and jogging pants (to stop all of the wee reaching the floor!) but I'll try him au naturel on Monday!

OP posts:

Horton · 02/02/2011 15:18

Can you spot when he wants a wee? It might be that he feels the feeling of wanting a wee but hasn't yet connected it to what comes next, IYSWIM? With DD at a similar age, we had an incident in Sainsburys where she was hopping up and down and I could see she wanted a wee and I kept asking her and she kept saying no and in the end I had to just take her to the loo and specifically say 'now, look, when you feel that feeling that you can feel right now THAT MEANS YOU WANT A WEE and you have to tell me straight away'. Never had another problem and she hasn't wet herself since (she's four now).

The other thing that helped my sanity was fabric training pants with a plastic backing so when a tiny bit of wee escaped it didn't go all over her clothing and shoes. It cut down a lot on the amount of washing and embarrassing moments. The ones we got were Bright Bots. Google - there are masses of stockists, they're not expensive and they were useful after the wetting problem had stopped for peace of mind on aeroplanes and long car journeys.

seeker · 02/02/2011 15:22

Wait. When he's ready he'll start telling you.

starfishmummy · 02/02/2011 15:25

I think its early days for him to tell you. CArry on asking him and he will get the hang eventually.

disneystar1 · 04/02/2011 13:37

agree its early days yet but its totally great whats been achieved already, try not to stress that he cant tell you its so hard to tell when you need a wee when there so small, he will eventually just keep up the good work, both of you x

after 7 children 1 girl 6 boys they understand much quicker with no pants on gives them added confusion to get that "feeling" covered up :)

ceasar04 · 06/02/2011 14:05

Thanks for top tips everyone.

We tried no pants with some success, he actually went by himself with no prompting once and told me he need to go a couple of times on Thursday. So am leaving him pantless when possible at home and telling him exactly where potty is.

He seems to have wees almost sorted but not so good with poo, doesn't seem to have a clue when he needs to go. Although yesterday he shouted me from the other room and ran in saying poo but he had already done it so we put him on and he did a bit more on the potty.

How's it going for you DooldleAlley?

Missymoomum · 07/02/2011 06:07

Hi DoodleAlley and ceasar04, my DD is exactly the same! She's 2.6 and i started training her about 5 weeks ago. She has fab bladder control and i can go out and about with her with no problems she even has dry pull up every day after her nap, but i have to take her to the toilet or else otherwise she just wets herself and she rarely tells me when she wants to go. Poos are an absolute nightmare too as i've not managed to pick up any signs that she needs to do one and they just end up in her pants. The only success on that front is that over the weekend she has for the first time since her first day of potty training done 3 poos in the potty but one of those was after she'd already done a little poo in her pants and i'd sat her on the potty and the other 2 times coincided with a wee which has never happened before, so i'm not convinced she's getting the 'needing a poo' feeling yet either but i'm hoping it's a step in the right direction!!

I'm not convinced by the no pants solution as i've known of people who have done that and then they've pretty much had to start all over again when they've put them in pants and i really don't think putting her back into nappies as i really think that would confuse her. The thing i keep telling myself is this isn't going to last forever and she will get there eventually!

Hope you both get some success soon.

sonsmum · 07/02/2011 12:42

can't reiterate enough.......your child is probably not ready........just wait....your child will do it all in their own time.

i had same issues with my ds....he would only go when prompted. i used to shout at him when he had a poo accident as i felt he should have known it was coming (as would poo happily if i put him on the toilet).

then one day he just started saying he needed to go etc. apart from odd accident we have never looked back.

my ds was late - only in pants reliably from 3.5yrs.....but hey we got there, and you will too.

Just don't be too hard on the child....i feel really guilty about my shouting episodes.....

just heap on the praise when child says he needs to go!!!!

Missymoomum · 07/02/2011 13:25

So would you advise me to put DD back in nappies then? I just think it would be a major step backwards. I do find it frustrating but never let her see that.

When i first tried my DS at 2.9 yrs (he's now 4) i ended up putting him back in nappies after 2 weeks because he was just a disaster! Finally i tried him again at 3.1 yrs and he was dry and clean in 4 days so i don't necessarily disagree with the whole going back into nappies idea but he was no where near as good as DD is.

On a positive note, DD has taken herself to the toilet twice today. Not sure if she's actually done anything in the toilet as she insisted on doing it all herself and wouldn't let me in the bathroom! but she's had no accidents so she must have done!

sonsmum · 07/02/2011 13:34

i kept my son in pullups (for approx 6 months)....with the intent that he keep them dry/clean every day.....ie would keep prompting him to go to toilet every few hrs......put him on the toilet after breakfast etc.....

i didn't revert back to nappies, though would if he had a dodgy tum.

some days we used 4 pullups, other days just 2.....until he eventually connected the need to go to the toilet and understanding what it meant.

i do sympathise that pullups are a bit pricey, but was a good half way house for us.

use nappies or pull ups....eitherway i believe your child will go to the toilet unprompted when ready and not before.....now my ds is using the toilet, i can look back and see i was expecting too much...........at one stage i worried he would go to school in nappies!

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