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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Still poos and wees in pants at 4.5. HELP

12 replies

Flabbio1 · 26/01/2011 16:01

I'm absolutely desperate now. My son of 4.5 poos and wees at school on a regular basis. Yes at home too. Sometimes he'll go in the toilet but ofen not. He's never been that good and potty training was a nightmare as he's always had accidents.
I know its nt an intellegence thing but he's so bright too(not just saying that) he can read and write better than most of his peers. He understands consequence but I'm lost.

I've tried everything, charts, ignoring it, taking away treats (DS), Softly softly calm talking about it, very cross talking about it. NOTHING WORKs! he's just happy to sit in it and wont even tell a teacher/me. Health visitors just say try reward charts, but he just ignores them. Sometimes he'll be OK for a few days and then back to it again. Funny thing is he's totally dry at night!

I have no idea what to do. Desperate and upset... PLEASE HELP!:(

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moaningminniewhingesagain · 26/01/2011 23:11

Can't really help I'm afraid but you're not alone. DD is almost 4, been 'dry' for a year but often has accidents and she doesn't care.

The other day she handed me some wet pants and said she 'couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet'

She has days of being dry then spells of frequent accidents. Only in the day though - she is dry at night too. Little bugger

busybaby · 27/01/2011 16:59

From personal experience I know it doesn't help Flabbio1 but I do totally understand - my daughter of 5.5 is exactly the same as your son! She is also very bright. We too have tried everything under the guidance of the health visitor with very limited results - sometimes things work for a few days and then the novelty wears off. We have had a couple of times where she has been brilliant for a couple of weeks and I get all excited thinking we've cracked it ... and then she can't be bothered any more and goes back to letting it all go wherever and whenever she pleases!! She also will happily sit in it for hours on end and not tell anyone.

My daughter is not dry at night but I'm not fussed about that at all yet - I just wish we could sort the day times and then I'd be happy.
I go through phases of coping with it quite well and times when I get really upset and angry about it.

You really are not alone on this one!

RealTimeMum · 28/01/2011 14:01

I really recommend ERIC (www.eric.co.uk?) - they are a charity specialising in support for childhood continence issues. They have a good range of downloadable leaflets, a parents forum, and a helpline. I found them very supportive and full of ideas & info that weren't all available via other health professionals.

The thing that made a dramatic difference for us was water. Drinking far more, and cutting down on milk (which is apparantly quite constipating). It had an instant effect - going from many accidents per week (wee & poo) to maybe just one, and then it steadily declined from there. That was when my son was just under 4, and I was really tearing my hair out at times.

Good luck. It's still a bit of a taboo isn't it, and quite isolating.

jomells · 07/02/2011 22:41

It is so disheartening when you think you have cracked it. My 4.5 yr old daughter is back to old tricks of pooing and weeing in her pants. She is too busy and cant be bothered to use the toilet. We had a month over christmas where we thought we had finally got there. She just suddenly improved and started taking herself to the toilet without any prompting. We thought it was one of those light bulb moments that people say will just happen when she is ready.Unfortunately in the last couple of weeks she has now taken a complete u turn for no apparant reason. I too have tried all the tricks in the books over the last 18 months. ive even been to see a paediatrician. Im at a complete loss but at least i know she can do it. She is also still very wet at night, i darent even think about that.

fivegomadindorset · 07/02/2011 22:44

DD is 5 and has the same problems, she has been under a paediatrician for a year and on medication for over that but still nothing helps. She has certain behavioural issues aswell which haven't been explored yet but I think may be linked. Have you asked for a referral to a specialist? Just to say you are definitely not alone.

jomells · 07/02/2011 22:46

p.s. Flabbio1 my daughter is also happy to just sit in it. On a couple of occasions her friends have told her she "smells" but she thinks its funny and just laughs - which i find upsetting.

MmeLindt · 07/02/2011 22:47

You are definitely not alone. It is more common than you might think.

Have you talked to your GP about being referred to a specialist?

If he has never been really "dry" then you need to rule out physical reasons before you try behavioural (treats/punishments).

fivegomadindorset · 07/02/2011 22:47

jomells Same with DD. It is heartbreaking.

Anabellesmumanddad · 08/02/2011 05:57

This is my story too! Our dd will wee in her clothes daily and sometimes will go and change herself without telling a teacher. Other times she is happy to sit in it. No poos though. (knock on wood!)

going to look up Eric now.

thanks

reup · 11/02/2011 19:10

I found the eric website really depressing. There were do many children still pooing etc at 7 8 9 and older that it gave me no hope. I have an almost 4 yr old. His problem is poo; witholding constipated fussy eater. In a almost a year he has done 2 poos in toilet. We have had visits from an early years specialist nurse but she's given up now. Have seen a paed twice and now have a referal for great Ormand street so will let you know if they gave any words of wisdom.

I too have tried millions of reward thing and read story books to him and the dr Cohn book about it. Spent a fortune on pants and wipes too.

Oscarcat1 · 14/02/2011 16:43

Hi all. Need advice, my daughter is 3 y and4 months, we have tried potty training and she kind of gets it, but by the en of the day just wees in her pants and gets upset. We are also in the process of a big move to the USA in 9 weeks time, we have builders in, husband is away a lot preparing for our arrival in USA. should I just stop and wait till we are settled in the states? Plus my son who is nearly 7 was 3 and half before he cracked it, but has never been dry at night, we are seeing a specialist to try and get him sorted. I am concerned that she possibly may have the same problem as him therefore don't want to push it.
Feeling a little teary about it as everyone tells me girls get it quicker than boys, and all her friends are in big girl pants, what to do?.
Thanks in advance. Xxx

Anabellesmumanddad · 16/02/2011 06:40

Hey Oscarcat. Truthfully I would let her have pull-ups or regular nappies and restart after your move. Maybe nickers for the morning and then nappies in the afternoon if she is getting tired. She is still pretty young and if it's upsetting her then maybe it's just not worth it?

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