5 months in and still daily accidents

[sheeplikessleep]

DS1 is now 3.3, but we started in August, when he was 2.10.

He wasn't showing many of the signs of readiness, but DS1 is quite laid back, and so we thought we'd try. After a week or so, we thought he'd cracked it - occasional accident (wet), but poos he got very quickly.

Anyway, we still get accidents on most days still. Don't get me wrong, some days he finishes the day in the trousers he started the day with. He can hold it in and go when we take him. BUT, when I hold off taking him, he rarely instigates asking to go to the toilet. Moreoften, he leaks a tiny bit (a wet patch in pants), before then asking to go. rarely goes through to his trousers. Recently however, he is wetting his trousers too.

Help! We initially 'trained' with star charts and I'm wondering whether to reintroduce. I'm getting quite despondent with constant wet trousers. I know I shouldn't, but DS must be picking up on this. How can I help and encourage him in a more positive way?

Any advice or help appreciated - thanks.

Bump

Well DD is 4.3 and she has JUST got it after potty training since two and a half. I would say, just don't sweat it - star charts work if you can get the motivation right - we did Playmobil for getting 50 wees in the toilet and an extra star for a whole morning, afternoon or night with dry pants.

But they do get to the stage where they WANT to do it and that is really what makes the difference. :)

It is very frustrating I know. But you are doing fine. Don't get het up about this. :)

hi whomovedmychoc, that's reassuring, thanks. i just get frustrated with 2 or 3 wet trousers some days! i just wondered if there was any way of encouraging him to realise that he needed to go. but i'll stop stressing about it. i guess the fact he reliably asks for the toilet before he poos is a good thing. other kids i know seem to 'get it' the other way around.

We find the 1001 things to spot books good - DD will sit (for hours) doing a poo or a wee looking at them - by Usborne - pick your subject pirates/fairies/farms etc and then do spotting. We got a two step stool from IKEA and reversed it so her feet go on the bottom step and her book on the top. Now she thinks she's getting a treat when she goes to the loo!

If if were me I would stick him back in nappies and let him make the choice about whether he is ready.

My DS potty trained at 3 ish and was fine for a while, but then like yours sort of regressed and started doing little wees in his pants, which sort of got worse over time until it meant a total change 3 times a day or more. I figured he just couldn't be bothered to go to the loo, was too absorbed in whatever he was doing. He wouldnt even go if he was walking around holding his willy with legs crossed! I started to make him take his wet clothes to the washing machine and to go and get new stuff himself so that wetting became more inconvenient than popping to the loo. Wasn't cross with him or anything, but made it his responsibility. He is mostly fine now, a couple of months later.Good luck!

ealingkate - i keep wondering that, but he is someone who needs encouragement with everything, i.e. quite happy for me to do everything and plod along. I wonder if he'll ever decide he's ready

oopsdoneitagain - your ds sounds exactly the same, i also get the impression ds can't be bothered and just tells me, then i change him. good idea about getting him to do stuff. i'm trying a choc button every day he keeps 'dry pants'. but i'll think about getting him more involved with sorting it out afterwards after wetting!

i'm in the same boat with ds1 - he's been fully potty trained for 3 or 4 months and now does all his poos in his pants. i've gone from being able to totally leave him to it to having to ask/remind/tell him to use the potty over and over again when i think he's due to go - then i turn my back for 2 seconds and he's done it in his pants. soooo frustrating but i kind of feel he can't help it - he's still quite young, so don't think stickers or anything are going to help. the main thing that helps is too keep his pants/trousers off but he can't be 1/2 dressed all day! he still has a long sleep after lunch and was dry for most of them but is now wet for almost all of them. am trying not to stress about it cause dc3 is due next week so think we all have enough on our plate, and am really hoping it's not related to all his accidents.

Ealingkate, it's not though at all certain when and how a child may show readiness for toilet, surely the parent has to play an active part too, to help the child along. And also- at least in the case of my DS- there are children who even though they have daily accidents, still take a lot of pride in wearing pants & might feel humiliated if they asked to take a step back & go back into nappies. I'm not saying all kids, but mine certainly.

What I'm saying is, in some cases it might be best to go back in nappies (and even desired by the child) while in other cases it might be much better to stick with it & help the child learn.

have u tried getting them to use a toilet covered in stickers i did this with my billy it was very sucseeful :) peace out mums

ello mr sheep. i tried this with my little boy maggie and it was very good :) suckers out mum.

naturalbaby and maria2007 - thanks for posting. yeah, i'm trying not to get stressed about it too. i'm reluctant to put him in nappies again really, as i think he'll just get used to them again. i'd rather just see how we go.

mrssheep/thesheep - assume you are one and the same and that you'd posted during school lunch break. appreciated

From my own limited experience of my son's potty training- which started last week- I've become quite certain that going cold turkey & certainly not re-introducing nappies (particularly for a 3.3 year old) can work really well as then there is no choice, and your son will learn to get on with it, with your help & support.

At 3.3 there's no question he's ready. In fact, I tend to believe that any ordinary 2 and a half year old is ready, physically & mentally. Perhaps though your DS has ambivalence / reluctance / stubborness, all the things that a normal toddler may feel towards such a big transition. It's not easy, but that's where parents can help. If a rewards system can work, try it again. Whatever works for you really. But I would say be clear in what you expect. Not strict, but clear.

I don't agree that it should be his choice at 3.3 to be in nappies, at his age he should learn to use the toilet, that's the way older toddlers like him as well as children & adults go to the loo. It might actually be helpful to him & make the whole process easier if he feels that's a clear path he has to follow & there's no alternatives.

i agree with you maria. i don't think it's reluctance or stubborness. i think he is basically after the easy life and can't be bothered to go to the loo in certain situations or when he is tired (his sleeping has gone downhill recently). i don't think he'd be that bothered to go back in nappies tbh. to him, if he doesn't make it in time or forgets to go, he gets changed. there isn't any 'consequence' for him IYSWIM?

it's difficult, i don't want to (and haven't) reprimanded or told him off when he does wee. i say 'you need to keep your pants dry, wees go in the toilet, not in your pants'. and he goes wee when i take him to the loo. he just isn't showing any initiation to go to the loo (he does for poo's, not wee's).

I completely see what you mean and that's why he should have no choice, which does not at all mean you need to reprimand him or tell him off. It's just that, we wee & poo in the toilet, he needs to learn that.

I think that children often show little or no initiation for things like this because their parents are not clear in what they ask of them, or don't ask anything at all & wait for the child to initiate. Personally I completely disagree with that point of view (widespread as it is) because even though some children may indeed initiate on their own accord, others may not (for whatever reason), but that doesn't mean a developmental stage for which they're ready for can be dragged on indefinitely just because they're showing reluctance.

I would certainly have a think about his possible reasons of reluctance, and I would certainly also support him through this transition, but my gut instinct is that you need to be very firm in demanding one way & one way only of him (no nappies) & find a way to implement this. That'll only do him good as he'll soon feel so proud of himself & his achievement.

I used a star chart (My big star chart from encourageandpraise.co.uk) and it worked really well for us. It will give him something to aim for and hopefully make him feel proud of his achievements. Give him a smiley face sticker every time he performs on the potty, a star sticker for a whole dry day and a/little reward for every 10 stickers or something like that. Good luck! x

Thanks for posting, i'll look up that star chart sopster. oddly, he has been fab today. he's actually asking to go to the toilet and then going, without any leaks in his pants. not sure what the change of heart is, but it's either me explaining to him that he needs to keep his pants dry, the stars nursery are giving him or the choc buttons i am giving him . it's so nice to have a good day! i think it's the encouragement that's working and it's lovely that he has been saying 'wee' and instigating it himself. need to keep going in same vein!

Really good to hear you had a good day- how's it been going since then?