3 year old boy holding wee - tried everything - can anyone help?!

[Tiredoutmum]

I am at the end of my tether and don't know what to do for the best as there's so much conflicting advice out there, so wondered if anyone can comment on having had this same problem.

My son turned 3 in Dec and we are on our second attempt at potty training. He started well by doing his first wee on the potty, of his own accord and seemed to be very excited at having done so. He understands the concept in that he will repeat to friends, family etc that he is no longer wearing nappies and that he gets a treat for doing sees and poos on the potty.

Yet somehow he has developed what seems to be a fear of sitting on the potty. I am pretty certain its anxiety related rather than a power struggle. He is consequently holding in his wee to the extent he is only going once a day when his bladder bursts, and so far it's only been in his trousers. He gets upset when they are wet so he realises its not what he is meant to do. For the hour or so leading up to the accident, he starts jumping around and squirming because he needs to go, to the extent it is so uncomfortable to watch because he is clearly anxious and in pain. this evening he told me his willy hurt but he still wouldn't sit on the potty as he said he didn't need to go. Because of the discomfort and the anxiety levels, his behaviour is then going into meltdown and he is getting massively tantrumy, very upset, asking to be carried etc because he is so uncomfortable and collapsing on the floor in tears. I'm trying not to get cross with him but I also feel I need to discipline the tantrum behaviour as I normally would. I feel if I stop reminding him to use the potty at all, and out all the control with him, he will never get there. And I cant cope with having to watch this discomfort on a daily basis and the tantrums which are going with it, as I also have a one year old to look after.

ANYONE HAVE ANY PEARLS OF WISDOM OR REASSURANCE THAT IT WILL GET BETTER?? Thanks so much.

I work in a potty training room, so i do have some experience in this. Your op sounds very similar to a little boy i looked after a few years ago, he did his first wee almost by accident on the potty, and then its almost as if he became phobic of the potty, he was in pants, and would hold and hold it in, doing the jumps, and jitters, and little dances, in the end we actually made him sit on the potty, sat with him, read books, he would calm down and when he felt himself relaxing would wee, but then get terribly upset again, he would want to stand up, but we kept him sitting, and he would continue to wee. After 2 days of this, he just got over it, and his phobia was gone.

We were very firm, we watched for the signs, we sat him on the potty, and we stayed with him, he got lots and lots of praise for doing wees.

So my advice is to keep persisting, once he gets over this hurdle he'll be fine.

Hi tiredoutmum

Your post could have been written by me a few weeks ago!!! Hopefully, you'll take some reassurance in the fact that all has worked out well with training our DS so far...

DS (2yrs 10 months now). Attempted potty training in Oct half term holiday. He hated the potty, which in hindsite I understand as it was one of the little Thomas ones and his bum was too big, so it was uncomfortable. That said, the loo wasn't much better, even with a padded seat or one of the seats you put under the toilet seat to make it child size.

So, nappy came off one morning. Lots of fuss. He selected the Thomas pants he wanted to wear and we were ready to roll...
Nothing. Not a wee or poo. One accident at 11am which he was so distressed over (i was calm, just cleaned him and it up) and carried on. Lots of reminders and trips to the potty/toilet. Book on the toilet. Potty in front of the TV. STickers for reward for sitting there...nothing!
By 6:30pm I was distraught and put him in a nappy which he promptly filled. Relief.
Following morning and same pattern although nappy came off later and no wee for about 8 hours. He did get to the loo for a v small poo but was unhappy!
By day 3 I was beside myself worrying about UTIs and bladder infections and decided to give up
So much pressure from people around and I thought I'd try and again over Xmas.
Which I did:
Day 1 and 2 - similar pattern to previous.
Then I had a breakthrough. Having had a chat with SILs SIL, she said to me that DS may be holding it in because he's afraid he'll fail ME. By doing nothing at all, he can't fail me. Also, she asked if he was getting aggrivated by my constant reminders/visits to the loo. On reflection, he most certainly was. I told her I was worried about UTIs etc, more than accidents but she said on a subconscious level, he was probably picking up my anxiety.
So, I took a completely different approach.
Day 3, pull ups came off at 7am. One reminder about the toilet and potty (bought a new bigger seat one) and that was it. No visits instigated by me or reminders.
He had one wee accident that day and one the following day. The rest was success. Admittedly, he only went to the loo once the entire day for a wee after the accident and once for a little poo but he still went, as HE pleased.
Same for day 4.
By day 5 wees mastered and more frequent (still not a frequent as DD at the same stage) but more nevertheless.
Poos stopped and we had 3 days of no poo. Bit worrying as I knew there would be a build up and was worried that when he eventually did go, it'd hurt and instill fear.
On advice, I gave him half a sachet of Movicol and within 15 minutes, he said he needed a poo and went with no problem at all. Another one followed 5 mins later!!!
Since then, he has been absolutely fine, even going on demand ie. "we're going out now, so please will you go and do a wee-wee".
Plus, he's so proud of himself - calls himself a big boy!

Hope this has given you some encouragement.
Mads x

@Tiredoutmum

I am at the end of my tether and don't know what to do for the best as there's so much conflicting advice out there, so wondered if anyone can comment on having had this same problem.

My son turned 3 in Dec and we are on our second attempt at potty training. He started well by doing his first wee on the potty, of his own accord and seemed to be very excited at having done so. He understands the concept in that he will repeat to friends, family etc that he is no longer wearing nappies and that he gets a treat for doing sees and poos on the potty.

Yet somehow he has developed what seems to be a fear of sitting on the potty. I am pretty certain its anxiety related rather than a power struggle. He is consequently holding in his wee to the extent he is only going once a day when his bladder bursts, and so far it's only been in his trousers. He gets upset when they are wet so he realises its not what he is meant to do. For the hour or so leading up to the accident, he starts jumping around and squirming because he needs to go, to the extent it is so uncomfortable to watch because he is clearly anxious and in pain. this evening he told me his willy hurt but he still wouldn't sit on the potty as he said he didn't need to go. Because of the discomfort and the anxiety levels, his behaviour is then going into meltdown and he is getting massively tantrumy, very upset, asking to be carried etc because he is so uncomfortable and collapsing on the floor in tears. I'm trying not to get cross with him but I also feel I need to discipline the tantrum behaviour as I normally would. I feel if I stop reminding him to use the potty at all, and out all the control with him, he will never get there. And I cant cope with having to watch this discomfort on a daily basis and the tantrums which are going with it, as I also have a one year old to look after.

ANYONE HAVE ANY PEARLS OF WISDOM OR REASSURANCE THAT IT WILL GET BETTER?? Thanks so much.

I don't this is another zombi thread I'm commenting on (sorry) but what worked in the end? My high needs toddler was okay weeing in the toilet but has suddenly decided not to wee for hours on end. I don't know what to do.