Four and scared of potty/toilet, wont wear knickers

[EmmasMumHelen]

My DD is four next month and won't even consider going without nappies or using a potty. So much as mention a toilet and the panic sets in, eyes fill up etc.
Apparently (I was at work) DH got her to do a tiny poo on the potty about 2 years ago and thats as far as it got. I tried the cold turkey thing a couple of months ago and she refused to both put knickers on (I got kicked in the ribs!) or leave her bedroom, just squirmed around on her bed crying for about three hours until I gave in.
The most frustrating thing is that she has full control - all the time she had no nappy on she never wee'd, as soon as I put her in one she did! First thing in the morning she's pretty much dry then it all comes flooding out.
Utterly at a loss. I've done everything suggested by everyone. DH thinks I've put the fear into her by always cleaning - including the toilet!
How do you get anywhere when they're scared of potties/toilets?

Don't know if this has gone to far for this but this is what I would do. Overlook the embarrasment of this suggestion and go for it.

Have some time off work. Take her shopping -just the 2 of you.

Get her to choose some new knickers for you to wear. Discuss colours, patterns etc. Buy them.

Then get her to choose some new knickers for her to wear. In the Night Garden, Peppa Pig - the whole range - discuss. Choose and buy.

Take her to toy shop and buy new toy/game.

Go home. Both try on new knickers and show each other how nice they are. Do not put rest of lower body clothes on. Distract with new toy/game.

Say - oh - I need a wee - come with me and help me with my new knickers. Take her to toilet with you. Say - now your turn - let's see if I can look after your knickers as well as you looked after mine.

etc ......

My ds was 2 and did his first poo on the potty and it frightened him. My solution was to do my poo on the potty and show him it was ok.

Did I feel really stupid? Yes. Did it work? Yes - straight away.

I think you have to get down to their level a bit sometimes.

I can't promise it will work but that's what I'd try.

Thanks!
I've been toying with the idea of showing her for a while. I've already sat on a potty with my pants down so why not?
Someone once told me when you have a baby you check your dignity in at the maternity ward and never check it out again! How true!

I haven't had any dignity since my school bag rolled off the desk in a chemistry lesson in 1984 and all my tampons rolled across the floor and the boys were told to help me pick them up. (Major cringe - story always told at reunions - along with the time my school shirt got stuck on the railings and ripped all down one side revealing my teen-bra + tissue padding.)

My adult life has not been much more dignified. (Remembers incident with gorgeous man and a large cucumber in Asda).

Seriously, you need to break this chain of events with swift and businesslike action.