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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Three year old DS refusing to use the potty/toilet

14 replies

MrsPennySworth · 03/01/2011 11:32

My ds2 is 3.3yo and refuses to even sit on the potty. We did try to train him when he turned 3 but I was 39 weeks pregnant and couldn't handle cleaning up all the accidents, plus I thought the baby being born would disrupt it too much so stopped then.

He does suffer with constipation and I had to take him to the doctor as he had 'impaction' (build up of poo inside!) so the poor little chap had to go on a high dose of laxatives for a week to clear it and now has one dose once a day to stop it coming back.

He just refuses to go on the potty though. I've managed to get the odd wee out of him but not often at all and be won't poo on it. He shouts 'no nappy nappy!!' and will go and put a new pull up on (I know I'll have to put these out of reach when I start properly).

It's just feeling so stressful now like he will never want to do it. What makes it worse is having a 4 months old to look after at the same time and my 5yo is at school now so trying to do the school run too whilst training.

Has anyone experienced this or anyone have any advice? I'm feel like it's never going to happen at the moment!

OP posts:

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nappyaddict · 04/01/2011 02:42

I honestly wouldn't push it. If you do it before they are ready it's just stressful. I sort of believe in child-led toilet training. Wait until they say they don't want to wear nappies anymore or start showing you they need a wee. There's a big range like with walking and talking. You can't make a child walk or talk, they do it when they are ready and I think learning to use the toilet should be the same. I know children from one extreme (dry at 13 months) to the other (the week after they turned 4) and many inbetween.

Original poster

MrsPennySworth · 05/01/2011 13:58

That's what I keep wondering (whether to stop then start later) and then I start wondering if I'm confusing him even more by stopping and starting! I suppose it doesn't help that I don't know one person in real life whose child was this old before they were potty trained, keep thinking that maybe it is me and I should just do it and not go back. But it is so stressful though, I hate it and he hates it!

I keep panicking that he will be 4 this year now!

Just feels like he will never do it at the moment, it's so hard

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 05/01/2011 15:45

You've got a whole 9 months until he is 4 - think how different he is now to 9 months ago :)

nappyaddict · 05/01/2011 15:50

I also think if they haven't made any progress in 2 days maximum then they aren't ready to potty train. If they have made progress after 2 days then I would continue to try for a week. If they haven't grasped it in a week then try again later.

Earthakitten · 05/01/2011 15:55

My 2.4 year old DD1 is the same.

She refused to sit on the potty at all, even clothed.

I built up her sitting time by getting to sit on the potty (clothed) every time she watched tv. She's no graduated to sitting on it nappyless and agreeing to not wear a nappy for long periods while she played (before she was screaming for a new nappy the minute the old one was removed).

We had our first wee on the potty today (hooray!)

We will probably wait til she is ready to do anymore, but she literally had a phobio of the potty and I couldn't see her getting over it just like that, that's just not in her personality.

Poogles · 05/01/2011 16:21

DS2 will be 3 in April and won't even entertain the idea of going near a potty or toilet. He just laughs when I suggest it and if I mention it again gets a bit angry.

I think part of it is laziness and part of it is that he is not ready. DS1 was 2.10 when he trained, although he is now 4.8 and still not dry through the night.

Try not to worry. Easier said than done though. I keep thinking we ought to start but then back off. Wait for a bit and when you think he is ready but being bit lazy, push him. He may also have a bit of a phobia due to the constipation (I will only poo in my toilet/our hotel room toilet if away although I don't know why! I will sit in work all day in pain rather than poo in the toilet there!)

jimblejambles · 05/01/2011 16:54

I was just about to start the same thread. Ds2 is 3.3 and refuses point blank to contemplate using a potty or the toilet.

Not much help to you but so pleased to find others are going through this too

jimblejambles · 05/01/2011 16:54

I was just about to start the same thread. Ds2 is 3.3 and refuses point blank to contemplate using a potty or the toilet.

Not much help to you but so pleased to find others are going through this too

wheresmytractor · 05/01/2011 21:32

And here too, but its more about letting go. He will squeeze a small wee out at bed time (for a chocolate button!) but during the day if he needs to go and there is any urgency he screams when I have suggested the potty and will just wet himself. Its as if he is scared of letting go on it!

I am stumped. Also I don't think I handled it well, Got stressed and cross today and told him off for not trying, when he clearly needed to wee but screamed and hit me and then wet himself when I tried to sit him on the potty Worried i'll give him a complex....

Anyone been through the same? He also says "I am too little for potties mummy, i'm only a baby" He'll be 3 in Feb. Any advice welcome and i'm glad i'm not the only one x

Bert2e · 05/01/2011 21:43

Part of me thinks it's all a power play thing - seems only to happen in older children who are potty trained later rather than earlier.

Melfish · 05/01/2011 22:18

OP- just wanted to let you know you're not alone. DD (just turned 3) refuses to wear pants or use a potty. She too has slight constipation so I wonder if that's got something to do with it (or that she's an obstinate little goat!).

Mumcah · 05/01/2011 22:53

Same here too Ladies. DD is 2.10 and won't sit on the potty or loo. She's happy as Larry in nappies!

I feel like we're the last out of all her friends,I guess someone has to be. I do worry about it a bit tho.

Original poster

MrsPennySworth · 06/01/2011 21:52

Although it's horrible for everyone I have to admit it does make me feel better knowing I'm not the only one! (as that's how I feel in rl!).

Decided to try again and have been trying a couple of days now. He will sit on the toilet now but it's such a battle. I offer him sweets, sticker on his chart etc and I try really really hard not to act stressy or angry (which I have in the past!) but he just shouts and cries and says "No! No!". It can take me up to 40 mins to get him to eventually sit on it and maybe wee and he will often do a massive wee so I know he needed to go. Then when I praise him he is so happy with himself and cheers up instantly. I don't understand why he gets so upset beforehand! Worst thing is if I have to get out the door to pick up ds1 from school with ds2 and our dd1(4 months old) and I really need him to do a little wee or there is a massive risk he will wet himself at the school gates. It's such hard work!

He did a poo in his pants at nursery today . I can't even imagine him doing a poo in the toilet yet-just about doing a wee!

Yes I think the constipation definitely makes him weird about using the loo. He definitely gets it from me, I always like to go at home!

On the plus side, nursery are great about it and are really helpful with it all. I guess they must get it a lot really.

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ilythia · 06/01/2011 21:57

Just to add some reassurance DD2 was like this (after DD1 being so easy at 2.6) and is 3+. She has always refused potty/loo/not wearing a nappy, no chance, not going to happen, never never never etc ..

Last week she saw some peppa knickers in the shop and asked for them, so I bought them, and explained that if she wore them she would need to use the potty, she shrugged so we went cold turkey and after 24 hours of wees next to the potty she clicked that to keep them dry she needed to use it.
Now, a week laterm she is at nursery and pretty much dry all day, had her first accident this morning for 5 days.

I firmly believe this is because I could not cope with forcing it and just left it until she brought it up, and then went for it. Just wait until they want to, I promise, it is sooo mnuch easier! There is light at the end of the tunnel.

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