Hiding when poo-ing and refusing to be changed... what hope is there for potty training?

[NumptyMum]

DS is 3yrs 3mo and we've not yet managed to get anywhere with potty training. We're trying to be as relaxed as we can about it - we've had other priorities really, with birth of DD and behaviour problems for DS which we felt were more important. However he always hides/goes away to do poos, and refuses to tell me if he's done one or (easily) get his nappy changed. What hope is there for potty training with this? He's done a wee on the potty once or twice, but I'm wondering whether the poo issue is the key to all of this...

Any thoughts?

(although the hidden if smelly benefit is that the only time I get to go on MN in peace is when he's done a poo and is hiding from me )

Marking place for tips as I have a 2 year old who goes under the 'poo table' for a poo and denies he has done one at all... am waiting until spring before I do anything about it though

Sorry, I don't have any advice - I'm just marking my place as I could have written your post. Actually, I could have written both of them!!

Oh no! Well at least it's a common smelly problem. Our DS refuses to get changed though; he's wafting around behind me just now and hides everytime I say he must come to get changed. I don't like to drag him off to get changed but persuading him takes ages...

This is a fairly normal phase, I think, at least it seemed to be when DS was the same age. He came through it however, and has been using the loo independently for some time.

I've always taken the relaxed approach, and did the same with the transition to pants instead of nappies. DS told me when he was ready to move on (I helped by taking him to the houses of toilet-trained friends) and a bit of bribery. He gave up nappies in the daytime and moved on nighttime about 4 days later. I'm pretty sure it was a months before he turned 3, or it could have been just after, who knows?!

Bloody hell we have exactly this problem, DS is 2.5. He disappears to poo and then when I ask him if he has pooed and needs a change 'no Mummy' and I have to carry him kicking and screaming to be changed.
I have tried explaining that if he did his poo on the potty then he wouldn't have to experience the trauma of nappy changing, but to no avail.

It's getting harder and harder, I'm almost 6 months pg and the SPD is getting worse by the day - chasing him round the house and then carrying a thrashing 30lb toddler up the stairs isn't really my idea of fun atm!

Ali, you have my sympathy - that was me this summer (pregnant with struggling boy)! As I mentioned in first post, we had other behaviour issues that we were dealing with and these included kicking and biting when on the changing mat. On that front, things have really improved after using combined sticker chart for good behaviour, immediate time out for biting/kicking, and me being more assertive about what I wanted/expected. Still takes a bit of persuading when he's done a poo though... I just have to explain to him (over and over) that it's when the poo gets left in his nappy that he gets a sore bottom. And try to give him something to do on the changing mat - eg 'choose which bus you'll bring with you', or give him a book and just take his hand.

But really not sure how all this will translate into potty training! MIL keeps asking about our progress every week in her phone call...

Has anyone out there been through this stage and come out the other side? Did it all just suddenly click into place? I'm just worried that potty training is going to take forever and MIL is already asking about it week-by-week. Desperately hoping DS is out of nappies by 4yo

As I said earlier, I didn't train my DS at all. It really did just click into place. A few months after his baby brother was born, and after he'd been through the whole shock of brotherhood, he decided to ditch the nappies for himself. We went out and bought some celebratory Thomas pants, but kept the potties for a while.

Only four days later he told me that he wasn't going to wear nappies at night either, and he has been dry ever since. As I said, I can't remember exactly when it happened but he was around 3, maybe a bit younger.

There was no training involved, and I must admit to feeling a little dubious when friends told me about their nappy-free children and the continuous accidents. That said, it might be a completely different story with DS2!

I have 2 DS and the first being nearly 4 went through the stage came out the other side and the other just 2 is currently going through the stage at the moment.

I am convinced the behavioural problems start because we start talking to them about using the toilet / potty for doing poos / wees. At this age I think they don't always know they need to do a poo they just get a sensation go somewhere do it and almost say to themselves "oh I've done a poo" As most of us parents say "If you'd have told me we could have done it in your potty" they feel that they have done something wrong and that's why they then don't want to tell us.

My boys are quite regular with their poos either after breakfast or after tea so I tend to treat them with telly at these occasions and so my littlest sits on the potty whilst watching 1 episode of thomas - by which time he's done his poo, gets lots of praise and is now starting to ask for thomas after meaks , knowing that he has a time this is going to happen. Not that it will work for everyone but I think that they are really sensitive at this stage and they want to please us.

It takes a lot for them to think I have these feelings, possibly stomach ache, possibly being uncomfortable, knowing that that means I want to do a poo and then having the time to find us say I want the potty. Don't expect too much from them at this age. The more relaxed you are about it the better.

Ali, as for being pregnant and carrying a toddler kicking and screaming up the stairs with SPD maybe try keeping some change stuff downstairs. Putting the tv or music on for 5 mins to distract whilst changes or having his favourite toy to play with.

At this age I always believe there is always a reason for the behaviour that they are unable to tell us exactly what it is. work out why and you can often sort out the what!

I will get off my soap box now. Hope that is helpful.