Toilet & potty refuser...

[cityroad]

My dd is 3 and a half, we haven't pushed toilet training as read in so many places that she'll do it when she's ready, but...
She IS physically so ready. She wears pants, and tells us whoever is looking after her when she needs a wee or poo. She'll put a nappy on, immediately do whatever she needs to do, then we put the pants back on and carry on. She is also dry at night, waiting until she gets up to fill her nappy.
The problem is she absolutely refuses to sit on a potty or toilet. Any suggestion & she runs away. When we forgot to take nappies out for a meal on Saturday, I spent 45 minutes (4 visits!) sitting on the toilet, holding her in front of me as she kept saying she was desperate. Nothing happened apart from lots of tears & screaming, and a visit to the nearest supermarket after we finished our lunch.
She knows what she likes & doesn't like, but won't tell me why she won't use toilet or potty, just insists she will ALWAYS use nappies.
Her sister is 16 months older & was toilet trained at 2 & a half as she wanted to.
Oh, & bribery hasn't worked yet. She really wants a "Woody Doll" & keeps reminding me that when she "does wees and poos on the toilet" she'll get one, but that's as far as we get.
Any Ideas?!!!

We just got this which my daughter loves! www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0037XWTGA/ref=oss_product. It only came today but my friend had one she puts in the bottom of the pushchair and takes around with her as she's just a few weeks into successful potty training.

Told DD she was like a princess on a big throne and could wee just like mummy and I didn't have to hold her which she delighted in. Did a wee on there and haven't had much luck on a potty. Admittedly just tried once at lunch today but seemed a hit.

You may have tried one of these already but at £8.88 not too expensive if they don't like them.

I am going through much the same thing with 3YO DD. She can hold on for ages, but WILL NOT sit on the toilet (even with padded seat) and becomes hysterical even at the suggestion.

She will sit on the potty, but only with TV bribery, and if I am holding her under the arms - she says it hurts .

I also have a bear-shaped seat potty, which also 'hurts' apparently.

We have done TV, chocolate, reward charts, stuck stickers on the potties; she sees me and her friends using the toilet; we have bought pants with characters on etc - nothing seems to work.

When she needs to go, she will ask for a nappy, and gets distressed at the mention of putting pants on at all. I'm at a bit of a loss really.

Sorry for stealing your thread, cityroad . I feel your pain! Bumping for a magical solution.

I had a similar thing with DS1 for wee and DS2 for poos (he would stand at the toilet to wee thankfully). If he needed a poo he would put a nappy on, do it then have it taken off again.

What worked with DS2 in the end was completely stepping back from it all and not appearing concerned about what was happening or stressed. Explaining that all the nappies had gone so that he had to do it in the toilet or potty. Then leaving him to it. If he obviously needed the toilet acknowledging it and suggesting he go to the toilet but not pushing it or making him go. He did have a few accidents but in the end decided that he wanted to not do it in his trousers so went on the loo. Hope this helps.

We bought a fancy new potty seat thing of her choice, and she will sit on it, but will only do a wee when she puts a nappy on I have managed to persuade her to sit on the potty & do it, so kind of half a step forward I guess! But for number twos she still has to go & stand by he book box...
Luckily the nursery she goes to are happy to put up with a pull up nappy, but since she keeps telling me she won't be using the potty or toilet 'til she's 4, I'm slightly nervous we'll be hitting school time before she's close.
Soooo stubborn, bless her

We're toilet training ds atm and the biggest barrier we had was his absolute refusal to sit on the toilet (we tried the potty months ago but he's now 3.5 so have gone straight to the toilet). The only thing that worked to get him to sit on it was having some super-extra-special toys in the loo, and he was only allowed to play with them in there. It worked instantly - and I honestly could never have believed it would have done, I had almost given up on everything.

Make the loo the absolute best place in the world for her to be - the best toys, fantastic one-to-one attention from you - you get the idea. The first time she sits on the loo (even in a nappy) make a huge fuss of her. Then if she sits without a nappy, do the same, then when she eventually does a wee go absolutely bonkers with praise.

Also give her loads of water/juice to make her need to go.

We are now on day 3 and he is absolutely over his resistance to the loo. Virtually no wee accidents either (poo is a different story... I'm in this section looking for tips on this one!).

Good luck.

Just had a similar issue with DS. He's just 3 and we started training 3 weeks ago.
For the first two weeks, he really did not want to sit on a potty or toilet, despite knowing when he needed to go and being able to hold it for ages. He would just wait for his nappy at nap or bed time, or pee in the bath . I was starting to get worried about him holding it in for hours.

We had a breakthrough on Weds though. DP was at home with him during the day. I got home at 5pm and DP said DS had needed a wee and poo all afternoon but refused to go. It was blatantly clear he needed to go, lots of fidgeting, loads of farts, DS wouldn't settle to do anything and looked very uncomfortable.

DP and I basically sat him on the potty and told him that he had to wee. We didn't let him get up until he'd done it. It sounds really harsh but honestly over the previous 2 weeks, we'd tried a softer approach (i.e. appearing unconcerned/backing off), bribery, sticker charts etc and they got us nowhere. It took DS a few minues of crying and asking to get up but eventually he weed, we went crazy with the praise, cuddles etc...then went through the same thing again 10 mins later when he need a poo. Later that evening, he asked to go twice more and did 2 more wees on the potty with no fuss at all.

Since then, he's been saying when he needs a wee and using the potty or toilet. He has had some poo accidents (think we'll have a while to go with those..)but the progress has been amazing. We just had to make him do it once to realise that it was no big deal.

We are having a nightmare as well!! DS was 3 last month and this is the third and last attempt at toilet training. We have charts stickers, toys, character pants, rewards, sweets the lot and well its a bit of a battle. We have to do this as nappies are too small now and cutting into his hips so he's justs too big for them (he's a very tall big 3year old). I am considering a more forceful appoach but very wary, I don't want to make things worse.

He is very aware of what is going on but he is holding onto his wee to the point of pain and having many accidents. Yesterday I thought we had a breakthrough, poo's and wee's on the potty and today were back to the screaming tantrums, accidents and pain in tummies. Health visitors say he'll do it when he's ready well thats fine if the nappies would still fit him. So its on with the battle, no fuss limited attention until the moment comes then its like all his birthdays have come at once.

Its the hardest thing I think we've had to do so far. getting rid of the dummy was a breeze compared to this!!!

You all have my sympathy and if anyone has a miracle suggestion please let us know!!

Well, at last we're almost there!

After insisting on wearing a nappy to sit on the potty, we moved on to turning the nappy inside out and putting it in the potty, and after a couple of weeks of that, she finally agreed to trying it with a little toilet paper in the potty. Now we only have to use nappies once a day when she needs a poo... & it's a pain, but since we've got so far with wees, I'm happy that she'll get round to it some time in the not too distant future!

I am absolutely desperate. The nursery are also baffled. The record for DS holding it in is 9 HOURS! The most frustrating part is knowing that when he wants to, he will have no problem. He will soon be four.

I will be trying the toy thing for the toilet. I have got to try something!

Further to the above post.

Monday nursery had him in big boy pants. He was doing a full day, unusual for him, but I have dislocated my shoulder and I need a little help.

He asked for a nappy, and they tried to get him to use the toilet/potty first. However when they eventually put the nappy on (and their reaction was perfectly reasonable) it was stuffed so quick it leaked.

Fast forward to last night. DS was hysterical at the idea of using a potty/toilet, would not countenance it. Nor would he go in his nappy, in case it leaked. I was limited to how much I could actually lift and place him anywhere as my shoulder is still v sore. He ended up with significant tummy ache. I was up until 3am, when he managed a small wee, and he went in his sleep. However now he is awake he is still resistant to going anywhere.

Any suggestions?

Don't know if this will help, but I read that you can sit them on the toilet/potty with the nappy on and cut a small hole in it. Each time, you increase the size of the hole until eventually when they go it falls directly into the potty. Sorry, don't know if this actually works as DD only one week into training so I'm not that desperate yet.
Good luck. And wish us luck too!

Good luck to you! We all need it.

Ds will not even approach potty/toilet either and the HV is referring him to mental health.

Comes with being a mum, he is a good kid in so many ways.

This thread has been very helpful i am having the same problems with my 3 and a half year old son. Going to try the toys in the bathroom and trying to get him to sit on the toilet with a nappy on. I find that his nursery teacher is not very supportive of this problem which adds to the pressure. Good luck all