toilet training nightmare in 3 year old: many questions

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saga continues

potty training as previous posts mentioned went all pear shaped with MIL interefering and pushing him without me knowing and we had a huge set back and liitle one refusing any potty training

then after age three started slowly with me and much convincing but many!!! accidents..now have slowly moved to toilet from potty though very confused re standing/sitting thing...will do standing now when out and about and leaning ionto smething or i hold him high..sitting he tends to leak all over sit as has big bottom..poos well that is another thing

now has started nursery where they dont mind not being toilet trained but i get impression they dont help much and just change him when wet

questions:

1 he still never does pooos in toilet..just every night at 3-5am in nappy (i am keepign him in nappy at gnith for the time being) and wakes me up

what do i do to tackle this?

2)refuses me or daddy to teach him to aim/hold willy...so will not stand near a toilet on stool but only do standing when out walking leaning against tree

anytime i try to teach aim he wees everywhere...but sitting he also seems to dribble eveyrwhere

3)nursery - he has come home every time changed - torusers dry but pants wet...they say he has little accident but not much more so i guess it is just him sitting in loo and leaking onto pants...what do i do to help?

all he is says about his nursery experience is regarding his peeing etc whichis a shame

:(

help

feel low he seems ot be so slow re it all - most folk seem to have the easiest child ever with this matter and i ma the only alien one re this!

4. whenever he cries from being diciplined / told off and gets upset he pees himself - therefore his control seems pretty week at mo - is this normal too? but i can't not discipline him

argh!

(1) Melon for breakfast, both hydrating and good for producing a poo. Add bananas for big poos.
(2) Will he aim for a ping pong ball in the loo? I'm told cornflakes work too.
(3) Thicker pants - petit bateau pants are much more absorbent at catching little widdles than your average M&S jobbies.
(4) He frankly does not sound ready to me.

Look I tried, quite miserably with DD from 2 - it didn't work, she wasn't ready. I took the pressure off entirely and at 3.3 she just suddenly got it almost overnight.

Haven't even thought of trying with DS yet and I won't till he asks for it - it's not worth it - keep him in nappies if he's not ready - who are you doing this for? If he is not ready, he's not ready. Don't stress about it - an extra six months in nappies may make you both happier. :)

I am absolutely no expert, but I am tending to agree with wmmc when she says he may not be ready.

Try not to be concerned about what other people and their dcs are doing. You will find plenty of support on here from people whose children have not quite been ready until 3 or a bit older.

We had a false start with dd2 (my fault entirely, I knew she wasn't ready but was comparing her with her older sister. )

Fast forward 3 months or so and she suddenly "got it"

fwiw I found potty training immensely stressful, and mine were apparently "easy"

And it's optional anyway. They just decide for themselves they want to do it. Buy some pants, put them in their drawers, when they ask for them put them on. Job done. Please don't put yourself or him under this stress, it's not worth it.

Honestly it's not.

All this fuss over weeing in the toilet? Life's too short to be all stressed about such things :)

I think that is what I found tricky tbh wmmc

For the first couple of years, generally we control/guide our dcs in our ways. (even with blw, we still choose the food that goes on their trays!)

Potty training is one of the first (imo) situations where the dcs take the lead. Some of them continue to be very amenable and cooperative and/or are just "ready" when we expect them to be.

Loads of them aren't ready/want to assert their independence and ultimately we cannot control that (nor should we be able to)

Can we be sure that dribbles are resulting from not getting to the loo quickly enough? Due to a flaw in the male plumbing, small amount of urine stays in the urethra after urinating, which can only be dislodged by shaking the penis. If not, it dribbles out by itself! We might be blaming our little boys for something even grown men struggle with!

but now does not want to wear nappies...and again pood in middle of night

with the pooing do not know if it when he is sleeping or when waking and then being lazy

argh!!!

It is very unlikely that a child would poo in their sleep deliberately or out of laziness. It sounds very much like he's not physiologically ready. If he does not have full continence yet you are wasting your time. During sleep lots of children wee and poo and the ones who are ready for potty training don't know about it and the ones who aren't not only don't know, but their bodies are not capable of holding it in either.

I would say your son is probably so scared of getting it wrong he's not pooing during the day and then he's doing it at night when he's asleep because it's the first time he's truly relaxed.

Please consider stopping for a few months. You are both torturing yourselves unnecessarily and it's only nappies, he's not doing anything wrong. :)

does poo come in sleep too at this age of three?

thanks so much for all your advice - will take it easy

i promise

just so confused and demoralised

:(

It will if he is holding it in all day!

If you attempted not to do a poo all day you would probably poo yourself in your sleep. Sorry but it's got to go somewhere, the problem is the sphincter muscle is not that great in three year olds yet and it just doesn't hold much in when they are relaxed.

DO NOT FEEL DEMORALISED - this is not about you, it's not even about your son really, it's just that child development is not linear. He's probably streets ahead in some areas and less well developed in others like all kids.

My daughter who is four can do maths at the level of a six year old, yet cannot pronounce her brother's name (it's a simple name) nor stand on one leg without falling over. It's just the way they are - they all get there in the end.

Sit him down, say 'we are going to wait till after christmas to try again and see how we feel then - no pressure' and see if things don't improve then. You may even find they improve once you stop trying.

I had the same problem with my DS from 2.9 to 3.3 at nursery particularly he was worse. There are too many distractions at nursery and it is so hard for them to tear themselves away from whatever they are doing.

I used pull ups. I know some people hate them and I understand why but for me they were a godsend.

He could have an accident and cope till he came home but also pull them up and down when reminded (on occasion) at nursery. At home we were purely cold turkey with a choc button for each successful visit!

Best of luck - I have felt your pain.

the last two posts have made me smile so much and cheered me up you have no idea how

i can't thank you enough

and am sending the warmest hugs to you bothi have not many friends but felt really touched that you could open up and give me such valuable support

thanks!!!