Tears today (mine)!. Please tell me whether you'd carry on or stop.

[CanNeverDecide]

Ok, sorry because I've posted here a few times already, but today really felt at the end of my tether.

Started potty training 21mo DD about 5-6 weeks ago. At the start she was great, compliant with going to the potty, 80%ish success rate etc. A few weeks ago, she started saying 'no' whenever I asked if she wanted a wee, and having a tantrum if I took her to the loo on my own initiative, refusing to sit on it. She is happy to sit on it when she does need to go, but often this is when an accident has already happened.

E.g. this afternoon. Massive wee accident when out at messy play (after refusing to sit on loo/do a wee before leaving house). After lunch time nap, said 'poo', had already done first bit in pants, held the rest and did it in the loo. 2.5 hrs later still hadn't been for a wee despite lots to drink so I kept asking ('no' every time) and eventually after dinner just took her and said 'right, time for a wee' and she had a tantrum and said 'no'. Literally a minute later I heard her saying 'wee' and she'd done half of it in the sitting room.

So what do I do about this 'no' business? After the 3 accidents today (which admittedly is a bad day for us), I literally burst into tears (am also preggers so extra hormonal).

Feel like she knows what/how to do it, but just that last bit not clicking.

Shall I persevere, or give up? Please tell me what you'd do.

p.s. after all these accidents, just before bed she said 'potty' and went and did a nice wee with no resistance. So what's that all about? She can do it but chooses not to sometimes?

i would just stop asking her

ds1 did the exact same thing. if i asked he said no- because he's a contrary little thing

so i stopped asking. every so often i would remind him that the toilet was there if he needed it.
even when i saw him hopping about i didn't ask... just "toilet is there if you need it"

it worked. he realised where his limits were and that if he held on too long he'd have an accident.
he just didn't like being told what to do

that said, he was a little bit older than your dd

Just looking at the title:

STOP

Will read your post now

She's 21 months and I'm sure " she knows what/how to do it".

She knows you have another baby in there I bet.

What is the incentive for her to stop being a baby and let someone else take over her treasured position as chief baby?

You have to make it OK for her to grow up a little bit and be the big sister to the new person - not to help mummy, not to stop her crying. YOu won't need to blackmeil the child!

You are in fact offering her freedom from all the boring nappy changes and horrible perfumed baby wipes. And she get to wear grown up knickers, not stupid hot itchy nappies like babies have to wear.

Give her a week or two or four or five. No hurry. When she realises which side her bread is buttered on , she will do it fine.

At 21 months they are really knowledgeable.

.. and want to control their lives quite a lot.

Thanks, both.

Some perspective is always good. I think being pregnant isn't helping my coping with accidents!!!

Deep breath and carry on. I feel we've been doing it too long to stop now, as she's so nearly there and perhaps as you say, a bit of retaliation at the moment.

Just a little tip which has helped us, but you might not want to go down this route...DS was being exactly the same, just refusing to go when I wanted him to e.g. before leaving the house, so I started offering him a smartie or choc button if he tried and hey presto he's much keener to get on the potty when asked. He takes himself there at other times on his own now, but the bribery is useful if we're about to get in the car etc and I want him to have a wee before we set off.

100% carry on! Sounds like she is doing really well. From what I have read it is very common for them to regress once they have mastered a skill. Persevere and she will come through it.

When my DS regressed after a month of doing very well, I felt like giving up too, but my friend encouraged me to stick at it and now a couple of months later it is very rare for him to have an accident.

I bought a big, fancy potty and loads of stickers and really praised successes. I tried to ignore the accidents (which I felt were deliberate) but a couple of times I did get cross with him which didn't seem to do any harm.

Thanks so much guys. You gave me the strength to carry on! We went out and bought some very fancy stickers and some 'potty paper' which we stick a sticker on with every success. We seem to be doing a lot better! Apart from when at nursery, which is a whole separate issue!

This is a little phase. DS went through it. Only lasted a couple of weeks or so. She'll eventually realise it's a pain to keep having to get changed etc and not to get all the lovely praise. Keep it up, you're doing brilliantly.