Moving from reminding them to giving them the choice of when to go. Plus DH shouting at DS.....

[MumtoF]

DS may be a bit young - 2.8 but nursery want him trained when he start in Sept plus baby due end of Oct so want to give him some time between potty training and new baby. However, if it all horribly wrong will wait until Jan when he is 3.1.

We are on day 3 and if we put him on every 20 mins (often some resistance but can get bribes to work) he will always do something. If we leave it longer he will have an accident. Yesterday he managed to stop halfway through if I noticed and do the rest on the loo/potty so he definitely has control. Even managed to get him to do his first poo on the potty as noticed straining. Today he hid and did it in his pants as he used to do in his nappy. But anyway, I digress, will deal with poos afterwards.

My issue is how do you move from telling/reminding/nagging/ to getting them to take control? He will happily live in wet pants/trousers and am not sure he has grasped the sensation yet that he needs to wee or whether he just doesn't care where he wees. He is very spirited so controlling him is not a good thing. Have bought Gina's one week (he is not a gina baby so maybe it doesn't work for them) but she simply says by day 3 they should have a pattern (yes, every 20 mins per book) and hopefully should initiate themselves. He is only initiating the first one of the day and this is because he wants to get out of bed and knows that is his best opportunity!

Secondly, DH is telling him off when he is deliberately weeing - i.e. if we ask him to use the potty, he says no and then does it on the floor. When he took him to bed tonight they discussed the wee on the big toilet and then DS started weeing everywhere when DH was taking his t-shirt off, DS was laughing and refusing to stop (even though he can) despite being told off. Until DH got really cross....DH is much better at controlling DS bad behaviour, DS also wants to hang out with Daddy alot and is the person he turns to for comfort so they do have a good relationship. DH has also been very excited and encouraging to DS so generally has been a positive experience for DS. I know everything says don't tell them off but when it is for deliberate weeing for attention/amusement rather than an accident is this still the case?

Anyway, basically want to find out how you get them to take control, when should you let them decide, and if they can't do it after a certain period of time do you just give up the training and try again at a later date or just take them every 20 mins,gradually extending and hope that they get it eventually?

Thanks so much!

My ds is 26 months and started potty training himat 23 months. Initially I tried sitting him on regularly but he used to get fed up with being dragged off and nagged all the time. We made more progress when we just left him to it....potty in the room, just a pair of pants on and told him if he needed a wee to use the potty. He had many more accidents the first few days as we weren't 'catching' all his wee's as we were when taking him at regular intervals, but after this his progress was soooo much quicker. He actually learnt what a full bladder felt like, and the signs that he needed a wee.

I still take him before we leave the house, and before he goes down for naps. Also if he's out somewhere, like soft play, I will take him every hour or so, but generally just leave it to him to decide.

Goodluck

Oh no poor you. When I was first potty training my dd 3.4 in April, I had to keep taking her every hour, and bribe her with chocci buttons each time she did a wee/poo on the potty or toilet. She was dry but I had to keep reminding her, now she just takes initiative and goes herself, she prefers the potty to the toilet though. I think that it might just be a natural progression.

I think it takes a while to move from the constantly taking them to the potty stage to them taking control, certainly more than 3 days. DD1 was 2.3 when I trained her, by day 3 she was only really just getting the idea of using the potty. She would usually oblige if I put her on the potty (she wanted the chocolate button reward!), but never said anything or took herself and would have accidents if I didn't take her. After 3 or 4 days I think we increased the time period to every 45 mins / 1 hr, then longer as I realised that actually she could go for hours without weeing, but for the first couple of weeks it was still really me who took her to the potty regularly. So I'd say, after about 5 days we were pretty much accident free on wees, but only because I took her to the loo regularly. After about 2 / 3 weeks we had a slight upsurge in accidents as I stopped reminding her so much (although I would still always take her if we were going out), after about 6 weeks I realised (without having given it much thought) that I was no longer reminding her (except if we were going out). DD2 pretty similar, except that as she was younger (23 months ish), I'd say the regular reminding stage went on a little longer.

Thanks very much, really helps to hear other people's experiences. Books never really answer the nitty gritty! He weed in his pants 2 mins after I asked do you need the potty? So am thinking he doesn't know the feeling yet but time between wees is extending so think will put him on less frequently so that he doesn't get too annoyed with the constant potty breaks and then try again leaving him in couple more days to see whether he asks.