HOW do you persuade a 4 year old to wee before bedtime?

[oranges]

He's dry in the daytime, and if he wees before bed, he is dry at night, but if not he wets the bed. Some nights I can persuade him to weke, others, he just refuses to even sit on the toilet. I've tried bribes, routines, silly songs. help!

What bribery have you tried? Have you tried a reward chart? eg if he gets a sticker for weeing for a week he can have x or go to x or how about telling him if he has a wee he can stay up 5 mins longer

IME it's about finding the bribe that works for your dc.

My usual one is to go through the whole bath / milk / teeth routine then say: now go and have a wee before your story. No wee, no story.

You might be putting too much pressure on him. I try and make DS1 (who is the same age) wee before we go out the house. Sometimes, he gets very worked up and about it and I try and tell him to relax. I tell him to go away and try in 5 mins and that sometimes does the trick. Other times, I just have to respect the fact that he has said he doesn't need a wee.

Could you ask him to try before the bath etc routine and if he does, excellent. If he doesn't, could you ask him to try again before he puts his pjs on?

My DS used to sometimes refuse to do this- he didn't want 'to go' right then so could not see the logic in trying. I stressed how grown ups went to the loo last thing and because he was such a big boy he should do this. He also has an older (boy) cousin who he worships so I would say well cousin followill always does this. It didn't take long to become 2nd nature. Good luck

I used to bet DS that he couldn't do a bigger wee than me. I'd sit down and count while weeing, then he'd do the same. Of course, he'd count faster than me, so he always won.

We call it a night night wee wee (as in "time for your night night wee wee"), and on the difficult nights I run the tap in a wee wee like manner which always works.

With dd I:
-tell her to do a pretend wee.The reverse psychology makes her do it. She makes a pretend weeing sound whilst actually doing it.
-get her to show her dolly how it's done
-say, if you don't do it, I'll get there first.
-not take her for a wee for a few hours before hand (unless she needs it)
-if she's v. stroppy with it, threaten naughty step and count to 3.

I know that when boys are being potty trained you can do that thing where you put a toy in the loo and they aim at it. Phaps you could do that.

He might be more receptive to standing? My ds ver soon refused to sit on the loo, but was always happy to aim inaccurately at something!

oh thank you. I tried the no wee, no story line -he just sobbed himself to sleep. And he's really impermeable to bribes - he just does not care.
sigh. I just hate the fact that a cosy snuggling time is taken over by this battle. I put a nappy on him tonight, as I just cannot face another day of washing bedclothes, but I know that's counter productive too. (I also have a four month old non sleeping baby so am feeling a bit defeated by everything at the moment.

If I were you, given you last post, i'd just put him in a nappy for bedtime at the moment. It's not worth the stress, esoecially with a little baby. Try again in a few weeks. Keep talking to him and try to get him to go but don't make a fuss if he doesn't. IMO children are dry at night when they are ready. My dd had a nappy at bedtime for quite a while. Every night we'd ask if she wanted one and suddenly one night she said no. From that night on she woke in the night for a wee and took herself. I tried lifting her once but she hated it so I didn't bother again. He's still only little so I wouldn't get worried just yet

Hi I have a similar problem with my nearly 4yo DD. I ask her to go and "see if there is a wee wee hiding" which has stopped her getting so cross as she can go even of she thinks she doesn't need to. Before I used to say things like please try and have a wee or just go and have a wee but she used to get really mad if she said she didn't need it and I tried to insist.

I'd let him stand to wee and toss some cereal in the bowl and ask him if he can sink it. Make it a nonchalant part of the bedtime routine: teeth, face & toilet was my friend's mum's mantra when we were kids and we do toilet after teeth in our household. (He's only 3.5 and only just starting to do it all himself.)

What about putting him to bed even if he wont wee and then lifting him to the toilet when he's fast asleep.

I was definitely 'trained' to wee before bedtime and now can't go to sleep unless I've had a wee beforehand to the point that if I wake up I often have to get up and go to the loo before I can go back to sleep!

My DC2 potty trained herself at 22 months! She went dry at night before her big brother too. It was when she woke me at 5am needing me to take her nappy off as she needed a wee I realised that she was ready (just over 2) and I couldn't be doing with getting up at 5am so put a potty in her room.

It coincided with her refusing to go to bed! She's quite a forceful character and I avoided direct confrontation except where I felt it was a matter of safety. So I let her play and put herself to bed (checking on her from time to time), thus giving her a sense that she had some control but actually she went to bed earlier this way!

What I noticed was that some nights she had a wee, some nights not and it had no affect on whether she was dry or not!

With DC1, I did try to get him to wee before bedtime. He took a long time to go dry in the day (getting on for 4) and even longer at night (6ish, I think, can't remember). Once he got it though he really got it. Didn't always want to go before bedtime and, I think, rather resented me telling him that he needed to which was different to what his body told him!

Incidently, DC3 was different again!

However, all 3 still don't always go before bed and, even more interestingly, don't always go when they get up either. And they are drinking plenty before you ask! So I think a lot of this needing to go before bedtime/on rising is training and habit.

Oh yes, I also used to try to limit drinks before bedtime but they couldn't understand why they couldn't have a drink if they were thirsty. DC1 still regularly drinks 1/2 pint milk just before bed and at 13 I'd be pretty surprised if he wet the bed!

Sorry, forgot the point (it is early!) which was that when they are ready, they are ready. Anything else is really managing it for them.

I do remember people telling me their child was dry at night but on questioning they lifted them before they went to bed or their child wet the bed 2 or 3 times a week. That's not dry in my book that's hard work.

Given where you're at I'd back off a bit and use nappies at night. Believe me, your DC will tell you loud and clear when they don't want nappies anymore. Some DCs get through this stage quickly and some seem to take forever. Yours is nearly there, just not quite at the moment. But, like every stage, it just takes as long as it takes.