Just given up toilet training for second time, could do with a hug :(

[Bensmum76]

I've decided today to cease attempting toilet training with my ds 2.9 years old. Deep down I know he's not ready but decided to try for the second time yesterday and am so upset about it. I have been mean to my ds while we've been trying forcing him to sit on the toilet and telling him that if he wants to be a baby that's fine. I am ashamed of myself. I have just put him down for his nap, given him a big hug and told him that he can go back into nappies until he feels he's ready. I feel under so much pressure as all my friends around me seem to be succeeding with their children whilst mine is lagging behind.
I'm 8 weeks pregnant with number two by the way and feeling very unwell so prob not the best time to be trying anyway.
Please tell me this is normal and that my son won't still be in nappies when he starts school!!

Poor you - completely sympathise. DD is coming up to 2.7 but I'm already feeling the pressure because she's v tall and looks much older than she is so I've been getting a fair amount of comments e.g. from friends who potty trained at 20 months! We're on our third attempt and this time she seems to have cracked it with the help of a bit of sweet-related bribery. But only 2 weeks ago she didn't seem ready at all when we tried so, just so you know, it can turn around really quickly - he might just decide to give it a go himself. She suddenly started taking her nappy off, which sort of forced the issue.

Either way, don't beat yourself up, it's hard not to feel the pressure and it's not like you've spent weeks telling him off for it. Also that first trimester is such hard work - I almost felt depressed at that stage in pregnancy with DD2 (now 4 months), would cry about anything/everything. It'll all feel a lot better in a few weeks so just chill and take each day at a time.

DS is 3y3m and I am just getting there - he's now officially not going back into nappies, but we have had many many aborted tries up to now where he simply wasn't ready - we had NO successes unless I put him on the toilet. I was giving it a half hearted go this time when I realised he had deliberately weed on a towel I put for him to sit on, twice in a row - so I took that as a sign of readiness.

When he was 2 a couple of little friends of the same age were 'trained' day and night

Thanx guys. I think I will always struggle with things like this and have told my dh that on our next attempt he has to take some time off work to help!!
I don't suppose now is the best time as my pregnancy hormones are all over the place!!

Poor you! Loads of us have been there!

My advice is put the nappies back on and the two of you do something lovely and fun together and don't mentions the words wee wee, poo, potty or pants again until he is giving you definate signs. And relax and enjoy thinking about new baba!

Big hug. x

Awww poor you. My dd 3.4 has cracked it but still problem with poo, that will take a bit longer. When she was 2 I tried 3 times, and lost my rag with her until I took a look at myself and how I was making her feel, and straight back in nappies she went. I decided that we would try in the summer, and started in April, I knew she was ready a couple of months before, but the nice weather spurred me on. We are to the point of no return, nappy free, dry in the day and dd knowing when she needs and wee and acting on it by going to the potty or telling me. We are 90% there, just need the poos sorted, but that will come in time. I am happy to be where we are at tbh.

Poor you, it is stressful. I hated potty training (been through it twice) and mine were apparently both "easy"

I hope that you are soon feeling less tired and unwell, many congratulations on the pregnancy.

Just put it out of your head as much as you can re the potty training. if anyone makes nosy/judgmental comments just smile and give a very airy and vague response.

Thank you so much all of you. This is what i needed to here. I know it's right to wait but I always feel so pressured. It's weird tho cos on all others aspects of parenting I have strong views and would stick to my guns and tell other people to back off!
Your messages are so kind and helpful that I have tears in my eyes - uh oh hormones raging again xxxx

Don't force it, I felt under that pressure with DS1 and put him under so much pressure that, I promise I kid you not, he refused to do a poo for 3 weeks!! It was a nightmare, I had to take him to the doctor's and he was given laxatives which didn't work as he was in agony refusing to let the poo out. Eventually we had to use a suppository on prescription...........

He was just 3 years old and I look back and think, what was I doing?!!!

You are a much better mother than I was at that stage, don't put either of you under pressure.

Good luck

btw, I also think that friends lie about potty training; trained at 2, at night? I don't think so!!

General consensus from my mum friends seems to be that girls tend to PT closer to 2 and boys closer to 3 - so you're really not late at all! There's a definite pressure around at the moment as it's summer and everyone's banging on about it being easier in the summer. But I'm not ready and I don't think DS1 (2.5) is either. Being able to potty train is a developmental thing - children vary in their ability to control when they go to the toilet, so it's not something they are all ready to do at the same age.

ah u poor thing doesnt sound as tho either of u r ready, iam just doing dd now 2.9 yo. first 10 days not an accident now taken bit of step back and pooing knicks alot.
there s no way i could have done it at 8 wks preg, as u need to be calm etc dont u, and ur hormones dont allow that!

i to got lots of comments mainly from mil how her other grandaughter was done b4 age of 1 etc.

she told me this wen i was in a very hormonal stage of my pregnancy and was told- i couldnt give a toss what others do with there children i no my dd and i no when shes ready so please keep ur opinions to urself!!! hahahaha

lets say my dp is not missing the hormones!!!

Stealth polarbear, why the angry face about other kids being trained ?

I tried with dd last summer when she was 2.5 and she just was not ready to make that move, this summer at 3.4 she was. I dont mind the pooing in the pants that will come, I would rather her poo her pants then hold it in as it causes a lot of health issues. It seems to be that the older they are the better able to understand and are more ready psychologically and physiologically. I know a mum who is trying to potty train her 15 month old ds I kid you not . She told me it is not going well, I wonder why, he is still a baby fgs give him a chance to be one.

Wow Piglet, training at 15 months!! How crazy is that?? I do honestly think tho that some of my friends whose children are toilet trained fail to admit to the accidents and stress. I think if we were all more honest like you ladies have been, life would be so much easier and a lot of the pressure would go away.

because mine was 18 months later

janajos. My DD is trained day and night and she is 2.4

Wetried when she was 2 , it was stressful and she wasn't ready.

We waited 4 months and it happened in a week, day and night , I was a bit apprehensive about going out, but after posting on here about 'wwythink if you saw a child on a potty in the street' it was fine.

we have stopped with the potty in the street now, she is 2.6 and we can go out and about no problem (had to do the lifting of the skirt and bum over a drain once).

just waiting those 4 months made such a difference.

I was VERY VERY lucky. my friends boy is 2.8 and he just isn't getting it.

My boys were a few months off preschool nursery

My DD was dry by day at 20 months. She was ready and no 'training' was involved. DS1 though was a different matter and we didn't really start until he was coming up three. I think 2.9 for a boy is still quite early and if you just wait until he is ready, he will probably just do it in one with no 'training'.

Bens Mum - you have said it yourself that he wasn't ready and as you've found it's horrible and stressful for all when the process is forced upon the child and driven by the parent.

My advice would be to go back to nappies and have a minimum of 30 days of silence on the topic - no talking about potty training/being a big boy weeing in the toilet. None of it. Not one word.

In a couple of months time perhaps try again but you'll find if the interest if from them first it will be a whole lot easier.

The friends I know with boys have (on the whole) had a much easier time of potty training when they left it until age 3 or older.

Put the bad memories behind you and do something fun together instead.