Feeling low and overwhelmed 12 weeks postnatal after a long fertility journey

[LittleLemonPie]

Hi there,

little bit of back story…..I struggled with secondary infertility and took me and my DH 5 years total to fall pregnant. After few years we had a year of fertility treatment and I had 2 miscarriages in that time.
6months after my last missed miscarriage I found out I was pregnant again and thankfully we had our little rainbow in Feb 2026. I adore my DS he’s amazing and a content happy little soul! Which everyone always says he’s so content….of course that’s not the case all the time.
I’m nearly 12 weeks pp.

I have spoke to my husband recently he thinks I might have little touch of PND. I wasn’t happy him suggesting that at first but after a day i realised he’s probably right. I have family close but they have had a lot going on and since my son has been born they have kind of just unloaded their problems onto me. So I find it hard to turn to them.

Im finding it hard to express how I feel to anyone. I dont want people worrying about me or feeling they have to check in on me.

My husband is great and took good care of me pp. But I do feel like he thinks I have it ‘easy’ cause of course I spend all day with our baby and I’m off work etc he says he would trade with me any day so I find it hard to talk to him sometimes without him thinking I’m just moaning.
This is something that was so wanted and I would never change it and I’m so grateful we have our little baby and I love him more than anything.

So why do I feel so low, why do I crave me time, even if I do get me time for a rare hour why do I feel it wasn’t enough, why do I feel so irritated by family, also I put some weight on during pregnancy so I’m finding it hard to adjust to this new body and I have Achilles tendinopathy which is so painful when walking and getting up through the night.

I just feel always switched on, always thinking when his next nap is, next bottle, counting up how much he’s drank in 24hrs, juggling taking care of him, trying to make time for my older son (13 years) trying to take care of myself like eating better and exercising but with my pain in my heal makes it not enjoyable and sometimes I’m just so mentally and physically drained so eating chocolate for breakfast just seems easier.

I know what I need to do (as I’ve done it before mentally and physically) I just don’t seem to have the discipline or desire anymore compared to before when we were trying to conceive and going through losses etc I lost about 5 stone, started lifting weights and focused on my mental and physical health, I just feel lost in myself and don’t know how to get back to somewhat of my self.

Maybe because for years my focus was driven by wanting a baby so much and now he’s here that is fulfilled and I’m lost as for 5 years that’s all I knew.

All I really want is someone to truly understands not just agrees because they know me or just to pacify me when they haven’t been there themselves.

I am very lucky to be where I am right now in life, I love my husband, two sons and our life.
I’m just finding little things hard and everything is getting ontop of me.

To anyone who has read my full rant I am truly so grateful 🙏🏼 x

Speak to your midwife or GP. Its not surprising, given your journey, if you are feeling a bit down and overwhelmed and your DH is not helping by minimising the experience of 24 hr babycare. Your feelings are real and you need some support

Do you have a local babygroup or similar, particularly maybe one with women who have been on the infertility mill? What you are describing is quite common and may need medical help but may also just need some social help.

Hi OP, I think PND after a difficult fertility journey is quite common, maybe because you think you should be feeling so lucky and grateful and put pressure on yourself not to admit that anything is wrong. Please reach out to your health visitor to see what support is available, and don't feel bad about asking your husband for help too. Looking after a baby 24/7 is tiring and draining - it's completely normal to crave me time. Can your husband help more with the night wakings and give you some down time at weekends?

Can I just say that everything you have said above is soooo familiar. And not just to me, I’m sure to other women too. What you are going through is totally normal, but saying that doesn’t make it any better does it? Support post partum is so lacking for women in the UK. Very few of us have a village to help us raise our babies, so women especially very rarely get to have the time they need to recover from the process of birth. Your hormones will be all over the place- unfortunately, there is very little good research into just exactly what these hormonal shifts are and how they can be bought under control. Women are expected to just go with the flow when in reality we need the right support physically, mentally and emotionally. You’re not alone- just know that this phase is not permanent and there’s light at the end of the tunnel!

I’d echo the above. Nobody can ever really prepare you for being a first time mum. You can say it’s hard to people but they don’t understand it until they live through it.

You don’t know what you’re doing, your body change, you get no sleep, you’re hormonal, you are exhausted and argue with your partner. You tell you self it’ll get better but it doesn’t. What does happen is that you learn to accept your new life, in time. The months pass, you make some new friends along the way, start to experience those amazing moments….highs and lows, and it all goes by in a massive blur of exhaustion. Before you know it; your baby is going to school. So what everyone else says is true. Enjoy this moment as best you can. You’ll have bad days; but be sure to take in the good ones.

What a dickish thing for your husband to say. I bet he wouldn’t want to swap all your physical discomforts, now and for the pregnancies and losses.