14 months PP. I hate my body

[TinyDancer91]

I’m (almost) 14 months PP with my amazing daughter, who I love more than anything. For the past few months, maybe even 6 months, I have hated my body, to the point that I don’t want to look in the mirror. Big problem is that I spend 4+ hours, 5 days a week in front of full length mirrors for my job, so there is no escaping seeing my body.

I’m worried that I am becoming a comfort eater and that this will just make it worse.

Other than when I was pregnant, this is the biggest I have ever been and I hate it. I have no idea what to do, we don’t eat a lot of junk food or fast food/takeaway. I don’t drink or smoke. I have a job that’s very active. But the way I look right now just makes me want to hide away and cry.

It’s not just my size, I feel like I hate everything about the way I look currently. Is this really about how I look or could it be something deeper? Please tell me I’m not crazy/stupid/awful for thinking like this.

I have no idea how to bring this up to anyone in real life (i.e. not just a faceless post online). I know deep down that my OH would be super supportive but a huge part of me is too scared to talk about my feelings with anyone.

I don’t know what I’m expecting here, maybe just a place to release my thoughts without consequence.

What is your job?

What happened 6 months ago was it when you went back to work?

I think pregnancy really changes you in ways you dont expect i have accepted my pre pregnancies self is gone... my body skin and hair are not the same and not in a good way.
But I am only getting more like myself 2 yrs out to be honest.

You should tell someone irl though because its not normal and theres a risk it gets worse. Its also blocking you from living/ enjoying your life.
To a less extreme degree I think its surprisingly common

How is your body functioning at the moment? Has everything gone back to pre-pregnancy or near pre-pregnancy levels in terms of balance and strength? Are you suffering at all from things like sciatica or back pain? Have you got issues with weak abdominal muscles or pelvic floor muscles after pregnancy and birth? I take it you work at a gym or dance studio? If you haven’t regained all your strength yet then I would put some time and ressources into that.
What are you clothes like at the moment? Do you have clothes (especially for work in front of those mirrors) that fit your body right as it is now and that you like? Or are you waiting to fit back into pre-pregnancy clothes or until you are at some goal weight or size before you buy anything nice? If so, go shopping and sort this out. You deserve to look professional and to enjoy your clothes right now. Those things are not dependent on your body being perfect or like it was before.
The same thing goes for any hair/makeup/nails/grooming stuff. Anything of this kind that you like to do, you should be doing now and not sacrificing it. Prioritize the time and the money needed.
Your body is not done finding its new equilibrium at 14 months post partum. Things can and will still change. But equally most of us don’t get our pre-pregnancy bodies back exactly as they were before. It’s normal to have gained a few scars and have looser skin and some changes to belly and boobs. It’s ok. Your body grew a whole human and now that is part of your body’s story, just like when we get scars from falling or surgery and smile lines from laughing and grey hairs from living.
If you were giving advice to a friend who eats as you do, would you be worrying about comfort eating or not? You seem to be saying that you overeat but also that your diet can’t really be improved upon much. Which is it? You need to eat. If you are breastfeeding then your calorie needs will be higher than when you aren’t. You should only be restricting calories if you have weight to spare. Do you really? If you are actually within your healthy weight range and it’s just that you are a few kilos heavier than pre-pregnancy then be careful about dieting. You don’t want to be hungry and miserable and not fueling your body right for an active job and an active home life looking after a toddler. Remember that you may actually have gained muscle from hefting 10kg of toddler around all the time.

When you say that you’re in danger of becoming a comfort eater, what do you mean by that?