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Postnatal health

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Hurt that no one has checked on me after mentioning possible PND

8 replies

Baggingarea · 06/04/2026 22:33

Weeks ago, I told my dh that I thought I perhaps had pnd. Since then, he’s not asked how I am at all. I am feeling very hurt.

i am 5 months pp with my second and have been feeling extremely flat and irritable a lot of the time - and also weepy around periods (on my 3rd).

the baby is a dream and how I am feeling is definitely hormonal. With hindsight I think with my first I had (thankfully mild) postpartum psychosis where I had some religious delusions etc.

about a month ago around my last period we had a big fight. Everytime we go out, he just can’t seem to handle the toddler or rather just lets things get really chaotic. I end up looking after both while he looks after his own needs (ie getting food etc). This particular time both children started getting a bit tantrummy and tired and I said to dh we need to sort the bill. Half an hour later we are still waiting on him paying and he’s ordered me a coffee and isn’t wanting to bother the staff by asking for the bill. But obviously happy to massively inconvenience his entire family. When we left I said I was hurt he didn’t listen to me. He left me in the street with both children and stormed off. I was probably being a bit of a dick too but his behaviour is like having a third child. I was so upset I thought about going away for the night with the children but couldn’t for various reasons. I also thought of killing myself which I have had in the past but would never act on. For ref I am on sertraline already. When we came back he basically made out that I was in the wrong. So petty and so stupid but it was around then I felt like something isn’t right with me. His behaviour really didn’t help but I mentioned to him I thought I might have pnd.

fast forward to today we have an identical argument. He threatens to storm off but I manage to stop him. I’ve just avoided him all day. Then it occurs to me he has not asked once how I am doing. For ref he’s not someone who can’t handle talking about mental health. He talks about his own all the time. He has a therapist but I’m guessing he hasn’t mentioned any of this to them. I did say today he hasn’t asked me how I am and now he’s just acting like nothing has happened.

i also realised I mentioned pnd to a few friends and also zero asking how I am.

sorry for the saga, I just don’t have anyone irl to talk to this stuff about irl it seems. I’m not sure what I’m asking. And please be gentle. I am obviously quite fragile rn and can’t take any mn harshness.

OP posts:
Baggingarea · 06/04/2026 22:50

Slight edit. Just remembered it was Mother’s Day I mentioned pnd. So it has been three weeks and a day.

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 06/04/2026 22:56

Get your own therapist and go to the GP.

Stop wasting your time looking to this man to save / help you

I say that from a place of love and compassion
I never felt more invisible than after I had my 2nd child.
Many friends said similar.
It does improve. My youngest is 2 now

My low point
My (actually decent?) dh sat and ate dinner i cooked... 3 nights in a row and walked off without letting me eat. Like didnt give a shit about whether or not I had food just disappeared post dinner for 40-90mins repeatedly.

When I told him l he had done this and how worthless and invisible it made me feel he explained it all away.
he then did the SAME thing 2 more nights in a row

Then I realised the only person who was going to help me was me. So i started doing what I needed for me and letting him work it out.
So I cooked and ate my dinner before theirs

Give him the kids for 2 hrs on sat or sun amd get the gym.
Feed the 3 of them them.tell him you are going to eat your dinner and you'll see him in 45.mins

Whatever it is you need (that you can control... you cant make him give a shit)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/04/2026 23:00

Yanbu to be upset: can you move your mum in for a bit to look after you? My ex was like him but actually stormed off permanently just before baby was born and I had such a better postpartum experience being looked after by my parents than if I’d been living with me ex. Don’t be loyal and cover up what he’s like. Tell his own mum if you need to.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/04/2026 23:01

Also as pp said accept he’s not going to meet any of your needs and find other ways to have them met, focus all of your energy on yourself and kids

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/04/2026 23:01

I also think you should ltb but you might not be there yet

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/04/2026 23:01

This isn’t the guy that’s going to be looking after you if you fall ill in middle /old age

Baggingarea · 06/04/2026 23:06

Pls can I just urge pp to heed the fact that I am really fragile.

no parents who can help. Not expecting anyone to save me. Not going to leave.

OP posts:
Hallywally · 06/04/2026 23:29

PND is a medical problem - you need to see your doctor. Your terrible marriage needs tackling separately (although it’s very likely it’s also making your mental health worse).

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