Feelings about dog post partum with PND

[Mum20253]

I’ve not asked in the dog chat as I feel it doesn’t specifically relate to a dog and I’m asking more about my health.

I had a baby 3.5 years ago and my 11 year old dog adjusted well. We enjoyed lots of pram and sling walks. They have a nice bond together and it felt like my first baby (dog) and my human baby became friends. I’ve never had any concerns about them.

I had twins 4.5 months ago and I feel this is relevant because I’m not newly post partum and I’ve walked this path before of bringing a baby home to our dog. The dog accepted the twins and is fine.

The issue is me. I’m struggling with post partum anxiety and depression and have a high level of hormones as I bf the twins and had a difficult pregnancy and birth.

the source of my low mood post partum is directed to the dog and I feel it must be a coping mechanism to ensure I can look after the twins. I struggle to bond with them and am seeking all available support to deal with this. I have very little support outside my husband and the days our toddler goes to nursery. I have no doubt that if my dog wasn’t here I’d feel the same and not have essentially the scapegoat she is.

given the dogs age I’m just desperate and constantly thinking how I don’t want her. I can’t rehome her partly as I can’t imagine doing it but also her age but I’m just willing her to be unwell to be pts.

seeing her makes me feel anxious and stressed, I can’t bring myself to do anything but meet her basic needs. I don’t want to sit beside her, fuss her or engage with her in the sense of chatting to the pet that I’d previously have done. I find myself wanting to be out of the house endlessly as due to our house layout we’re all in the same room despite it not being a tiny house. But of course I cannot be out all day as we have the dog so it’s a tether to the house and perpetuates my sense of being trapped by multiple babies.

I feel I cannot cope and I’ve latched onto the idea that I’d cope more easily if we didn’t have a dog. In many ways life would of course be far easier without a pet. I think the issue for me is made up of a few issues: it’s nigh on impossible to walk the dog with all children on my own so doing so around the dog walker is something I resent. It’s not enjoyable
the dog is now slowing down so many aspects of dog ownership aren’t there any more
there are lumps and bumps and I can’t tell if she’s unhappy or just unhappy that she knows I don’t want her anymore
I am over stimulated and hearing her feet walk across the hard floor or licking herself can just be the trigger I don’t need
im generally unhappy and recognise the newborn trenches I’m in aren’t going to stop in a months time. So I can’t see how there’s a way for this to pass and change. This is a situation I’ll be in for a few more years. I’d expect until the twins are 3.5 like my eldest, I’ll be unable to really regain the balance, time and peace that would mean I can go and enjoy dog walks that I’d had YEARS enjoying. Returning to work will be the next challenge after this year. I won’t magicly be better on their first birthday. I grieve for the fact that my dogs final years will have all passed by then.
it feels like the dog is an additional trigger to my low mood and yet any thinking that this will pass, which pnd will, will pass before my relationship with the dog can come back.

I never felt like this after my first child so would like to hear how pnd lifts and I’m just looking for some words around how to navigate feeling pnd and having a dog as a real source of challenge. Will this lift maybe when they’re a bit older. Am I stuck like this.

I will live the rest of my life feeling guilty about how I feel towards our dog but I also have to give myself some grace that this is a health condition and if I never felt like this before which I didn’t, it’s not a real reflection of how I am or feel. I try to talk to my husband about it but in typical poor communication style he doesn’t really discuss it as I wish he would. He just thinks it’s me taking my mood out on the dog. Which it is except it’s a bit deeper than that and it’s not something I can snap out of. I’ve tried for months and it only began as my pregnancy began to feel really hard.

ive tried to read stories about feeling about your dog once you have your baby but generally they relate to people who have younger dogs and they’re anxious about dog and baby. I can’t find anything about how I feel and how I’ll begin to feel better. Having twins is very very hard and my physical and mental health is shot

I don’t have any advice but I just wanted to send my love. PND is so incredibly hard - it blows some things out of proportion and others it muddles completely. It took me months to love my daughter in the way I knew could, but I did get there. You’ve got so, so much on your plate - please try and be kind to yourself. X

Have you been to the GP? Because you're right, you will regret how you are treating this poor dog. And you need to do everything in your power to get the help you need in order to care for her at a very basic level.
For walks, I'd go to a sling library and look at options for carrying both babies, or at least one of them. Then your oldest can walk and you may or may not have a baby in a pram. That's very doable and will give you so much more freedom and free up some dog walker money too.

I had this exact thing post parfum. I hated my pet. It’s not your fault and medication helps. It took a few years for it to recede and it helped that I told a friend who researched it and they were able to reassure me that it’s quite common and fades within two years. I think it’s the breastfeeding- I was beyond touched out and nobody can understand that until they go through it. I’m here if you want to pm me. X

So normal!!! The licking noises send me over the edge!!!! Ice had PND three times, when it lifts I always get back to normal with the dog and can fuss over her again and have her sit by me. it doesn't last forever and is very hormonally driven. I am honestly obsessed with my dog usually but when I've had PND I would have quite happily never seen her again. It fades and everything goes back to normal.

You need more help with your PPD, it sounds beyond ‘normal’ low mood and you are fixating on the dog. Please see your GP and discuss a referral to postnatal mental health support. You can take most anti anxiety/depression meds and continue to breastfeed.

Your dog is 14.5 now? That’s pretty senior, and I do understand that the end is probably near, but your feelings are not really normal and I think you need some proper support.

Thanks for replying. Yes I recognise it’s a bit more than usual low mood and there’s clearly a fixation. I can even see this in myself when I have a break from being overwhelmed or over stimulated etc and sort of snap out of it. But the overriding emotion is what I’ve described but it matches spending 4 days on my own with it all.
I’ve already accessed what I think is all available support: enhanced HV support, perinatal counselling, perinatal psychiatry appointments, infant mental health team and visits from the family support team at my children’s centre.
sorry I wasn’t clear, he’s 11. So certainly senior but not as elderly as 14.5

If you’ve had it three times, how long did it take to come back to your usual self? I’m a good few months into this, and was depressed while pregnant, and cannot see it lifting soon as it’s getting worse if anything

Thank you ever so much. You’ve articulated it well. I’m gutted it’s a few years if I’m honest though. But in reality it’s what I expect as my challenge isn’t going to disappear when the twins are 1. And it makes me down to consider I’ll feel this way until we don’t have the dog anymore anyway
did you find anything which helped? Spending time with the dog is a trigger if anything so trying to get more time in an attempt to have quality time together and get back to our usual isn’t helpful now.
im so touched out. I will happily hug and touch my husband on my own terms but if he reaches out when I don’t want anything or anyone touching me im so cross. I just want to be left alone

Probably wasn’t the thread for you. I posted on post partum health. I indicated dogs needs are met on basic level. Mine however aren’t. Thanks for commenting ‘poor dog’ without any thought to me. Had you read the full post I’m already accessing all sources of support I’ve been made aware of and have sought out additional healthcare help

I've just reread your original post in case I missed it, but no, you didn't say you'd accessed all the help you could and were on medication and having therapy so it felt like that might be a good starting point. I hope you feel better soon.

I think people with pets who didn’t experience this just truly don’t understand.

I have two dogs and I love them so much. I was SUCH a dog person. I think I still am. But I didn’t even have PND and I have struggled quite a bit with similar feelings towards them.

i love them and I still take care of them and luckily my DH picks up the slack with them. But yeah, I would wish that someone could take them for me, that I didn’t have to worry about them while I was worrying about a baby who just did not sleep at all. I was massively sleep deprived and the absolute rage I would feel when they would bark when I did manage to get her down.

I think there are quite a few of us who have experienced this but for those who haven’t they think we’re just being mean but I don’t want to feel this way and it can make it quite difficult to talk about. I feel bad enough as it is without people saying “poor dog” or rehome them.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low. It has to be hormones making us protect our young - it is so uncontrollable and from the outside, so strange but they aren’t going through what you are. Ignore the judgey person - people like that don’t understand how isolating PND is. I went to the doctor about something else and they diagnosed it and I started medication. I didn’t discuss with them the pet issue as I didn’t know how bad it was. I did tell a friend who was amazing and helped me from a far. Outsource as much as you can - give your husband the dog tasks or sign your dog up to one of those sites where people can look after your dog for the day. The things that helped me were time, being away from my pet, and going back to work. Please don’t stop talking about it as you’ll need support going forwards. It may not take as long for you to get over it - mine was exacerbated by a very poorly pet being ill all over carpets and in hard to reach places and I was a single mum with a baby that wouldn’t be put down.

Ahhh, he’s 11 now, I misread and thought he was 11 when you had your first baby!

I’m not surprised you are touched out and overwhelmed. You have a pre-schooler and newborn twins. That’s enough to push most people to their limits. Add in a dog that also needs you and makes gross loud licking noises etc (mine does this too and it’s nauseating, and I’m not post-partum!) and the way you feel right now is not a surprise.

Keep talking to the mental health team, also there are various support charities around the uk (I can’t signpost you as I don’t know where you are) that can offer more help, and if you are going to be left alone with the children and dog for several days at a time on a regular basis it’s well worth investigating.

I went through almost exactly the same thing. She did die when my youngest was about 3 and I do have regret. I would definitely say get yourself some meds. I find citalopram very good

Maybe just rehome the dog or put it down if you don’t like her anymore

Wow. No. What a terrible suggestion.

I felt better each time when my children started sleeping through and I caught up on sleep! Also when they reduced breastfeeding - I feed them until 2, but normally find it got better around 1 as the amount was much less. For me it's about being touched out, sensory overload all day and all night and the poor dog just adds to it! I also get irrational about her bringing in dirt etc from walks.

I have a dog walker now three times a week and that seriously helps and my DH feeds her etc. I try and find some time in the week to connect with her but it really has to be on my terms and DH has picked up the rest of it.

Op it’s really common for mums to get the ick with their pets when they have children. Likewise I didn’t get it first time but 1 dog & a first baby is much easier to manage than 2 children (for me anyway obv you have 3). It’s pure overstimulation on how many dependents you have, it does ease off though. It’s different because your dog is becoming a pet not your child as you saw it before. As a pp said, we got a dog walker which has made a difference; and also prioritising at least one 1:1 walk with your dog & no kids. That’s where I really felt like we got a bit of quality time. When it’s with the kids the dog just feels like extra hassle!

Im 6 months pp , my baby came a month early and it was very traumatic and I was very depressed after and I hated my animals for months , I fantasised about them not being here several times an hour some days. But six months on I love them now again . I didnt breast feed , so my hormones subsided a lot quicker.