I half regret having my baby

[vivdarkbloom1]

My baby is 5 months old and I think I regret having him. I don’t know if I can do it anymore. Since 4 months old he’s been a bit of a challenge. I just feel suffocated and drained.

Baby is rolling now but if his arm gets stuck or something like the sofa is in the way he whines. He has a mat with lots of sensory toys and I try to encourage play + tummy time there, but now he just wants to roll everywhere.

He won’t fall asleep without being rocked, I can’t just put him in the moses basket for him to fall asleep. I’ve tried putting him down drowsy but he just wakes up all energised and happy and infuriates me. 9 times out of 10 getting him to sleep in the first place is a drama..crying hysterically all while his eyes are closing, just for him to wake up once he’s put down. Walks do not work he will fight off his sleep to look at the scenery. Now he’s rolling in his sleep so I keep waking to make sure he’s breathing okay.

If I really want to get things done I have to leave him watching miss rachel in his bouncer chair or something similar, but i’m really trying to avoid a lot of screen and bouncer time. I can see why people use them both a lot though.

I love him to bits, he’s so innocent in this but sometimes I wonder what on earth I was thinking. Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t all bad and some days I can manage the tougher days, but today i’m just drowning.

Put the hood down on the pram so he can’t see the scenery.

Do you have a partner? If so get them to help more. Try to go out to baby groups and meet other mums, makes it more fun/social.

I regretted having a baby for at least a year. Babies are awful! Hang in there it gets better. She's now 11 and I regret not having more.

It gets better it gets worse it gets better. Enjoy the ride. Welcome to parenthood. Honestly. If sleep causes issues forget about it. He'll sleep if he really wants to. If not just be more chill about it.

This sounds exactly like my 5 month old! Always rolling onto his tummy but then whining when he realises he’s stuck lol (can’t roll back onto his back or crawl forward) but then his mind is so fixated on developing movement, you help him and he just rolls straight on back into the same predicament! Similarly my DS can also only sleep with contact/suckle right now, and I often have to close the pram hood and go over some bumpy ground to get him to fall asleep when outside now he’s such a curious little bean. Please, don’t despair! I am enjoying this stage but I found other earlier stages SO extremely hard and dissatisfying. Nobody loves every stage and nobody loves any stage ALL THE TIME. Go easy on yourself, go easy on your little one, and don’t guilt yourself for being human. This is an exhausting undertaking, raising and supporting and loving a new human being day in and day out.

I think the advice above is great re making sure your partner/family are supporting you so you’re not overwhelmed and connecting with other mums. Without ANY judgement intended, speaking briefly as a developmental
neuropsychologist rather than a mum, I’d suggest you maybe try and avoid the bouncer/screen time. Screens are not developmentally satisfying to such a small human — their brains are driving them to learn constantly but they do not understand screen images in order to learn from what they see yet. However, screens are just as transfixing to them as to us, so they will stare but it may well just lead to crankiness later and you’re therefore shooting yourself in the foot. I am also so often tempted to pop on the TV, so that is really not said with judgement! Sometimes it does feel like anything for a moments peace but you may well be denying yourself peace later. Similarly, you say you always have plenty of sensory toys around. Maybe limit them. My son gets over stimulated easily. He is far calmer if I only give him one object at a time to focus his budding attention on… or, now and then, no objects! Just let baby observe.

Wishing you all the best. Keep your chin up! Your child is changing every day. Life is going to change along with that! It won’t always be like this.

You are really in the trenches at the moment OP and it’s ok to feel the way you do. I found the first 7-8 months really tough.

I know it probably won’t help but it won’t be like this forever, they change so quickly in the early days and grow so fast, even though it might not feel like it at the time.

stay with it, you will get through it and you will both be fine. FWIW I went back to work when DC was 8mo and that really helped, they also started sleeping through during that time and finally understood what a nap was, it got better from there and for the most part has been fine since.

Tale care of yourself and make sure you carve out some “you” time so you can recharge!

Yep I hated it too. I mean I loved him (fiercely) but I didn’t particularly like or enjoy him most of the time.

mine was terrible sleeper too and very stimulated by all environments, he just couldn’t switch off. I remember holding him facing a bare white wall because if he had anything remotely interesting to look at, he just would not sleep.

anyway it was so so hard and yes I had plenty of regrets. But, you’re not stuck in this forever (thank god!) mine is a fabulous ten year old now but it only seems like yesterday he was a baby. It really does go that quick. So just try and hang in there for now. In 6 months he’ll be a different being all together!

Five months was the worst with mine. I felt the same. LO not sleeping except when cuddled and just utterly exhausted from so many weeks of no sleep. It does get better. Take one week at a time. Mine are now both teenagers but I remember that stage vividly.