Advice please - I’m due back to work in a couple of months and I can’t leave my baby as I have intense fear she will come to harm if I’m not there to protect her.

[Quay84]

Hi everyone and firstly thank you for taking the time in reading this.

A bit of a back story, after struggling to conceive, a very high risk complicated pregnancy and a traumatic birth I have been suffering with very heightened anxiety. It’s literally crippling and feels so extreme.

I have only ever left our baby for short periods. Maximum an hour and that’s me being in the same house still and baby being with her daddy. I have intense fear of something happening to her.

im due to return to work after taking a year of maternity leave in a couple of months and even the word work makes me feel sick, clammy and I have palpitations.

has anyone else ever experience this or been in the same situation? What did you do? And how did you overcome it?

Eventhough I can’t afford not to work my gut instinct is telling me to quit and stay with my baby. I’ve always loved my job but I just can’t even begin to even think about leaving my baby with anyone other than my partner. I don’t trust anybody and even when people are around her I watch them like a hawk out of fear and worry.

Get some hypnotherapy.

Get counselling as a matter of urgency.

This is really really not normal nd quite unhealthy. Please speak to your GP or health visitor

Kindly, you need to get professional help and support with your anxiety.

It's not good for you to feel this way and in the long run it isn't good for your daughter either.

Hi OP,

That sounds very difficult. You deserve to have a life away from your baby (work, gym, socialising — whatever it is, it all matters) and as your baby grows, they need time away from you to have a chance to socialise, develop confidence and have a secure attachment to you rather than an insecure one.

Agree that your GP needs to be the first port of call. Tell them what you’ve written here and I suspect they’ll put you in touch with some therapists and/or start medication.

Don’t avoid this, the anxiety will only get worse as you approach your return to work date.

Please go see your GP, having a baby is a huge life event (not to mention all the hormonal changes we go through). Anxiety is a really understandable side effect and is much more common than you might think. But you don't have to accept it. There is help available.

Do you know something, I was like this. I was terrified, first of Sid’s, then that someone would shake her or loose her or harm her in any way. My DD is 1 and I’m no longer like this, what I have learned though is that it is part of post natal depression and you can and should get help for it, I didn’t, I just started leaving her with my mum when she was 6 months, first for a few hours, then a day and then over night. My mum will have her regularly now and I don’t worry about her

Thank you all for your comments.

I have been having therapy for a few months and have been on medication but unfortunately due to side effects I’ve had to come off. Currently in the withdrawal period which is having such an impact.

Im well aware the way I am feeling isn’t normal which is why I’m reaching out to see if anyone else has felt the same.

I really wished I had a magic wand and didn’t feel this way anymore but no matter what help I receive these feelings haven’t improved, only worsened with the end of maternity leave nearing.

SIDs is also a massive worry for me too! It’s refreshing to hear that you no longer feel this way cherrycola. Also hearing I’m not alone. I know this isn’t normal, I know I may sound crazy to a lot of people. I just want to be the one that takes care of and protects my baby and entrusting others to do that instead just isn’t coming easy to me.

It sounds like you're really struggling OP, but it's great that you recognise this is unhealthy and you need help. I suffered with post partum anxiety and it was awful, although nowhere near as bad as you're describing.

I do know someone who was extremely anxious, wouldn't leave her DD with anyone, even her husband. She didn't go back to work because she "wasn't ready" to leave her. Her DD is now 7 and is home schooled because she literally can't stand to be away from her mum for 5 minutes. I'm not bashing home schooling, I know people do it for good reasons, but this isn't one. Their relationship is really unhealthy and it's sad to see the impact it's had on her DD's development.

This is an extreme case, obviously, but just something to think about. You say you want to keep your DD safe, but by never allowing her to be away from you you could end up doing more harm than good.

Speak to your GP- you need support to reduce the anxiety and also time to build up ‘leaving’ the baby. It may be that you need to return to work a little later than planned (with a sick note to cover the time off) You need a plan in place. Also your employer maybe able to help if you reach out to HR. Seek help and keep asking until you get it.