Just the Baby Blues or something more?

[TiredButTrying84]

Hi all,

I’m 7 days postpartum and I’m struggling. I know the early days are hard, but I can’t tell if this is just the baby blues or something deeper.

The birth was incredibly traumatic. My baby’s health was at risk, and then mine and after 12 hours of pushing, I ended up with an emergency c-section because she was defaced and couldn’t get out. It was terrifying and I haven’t been able to stop replaying it. I feel like I’ve brought that trauma home with me- and honestly ending up in C-section made me feel like I’d failed.

I started pumping because I was in too much pain to breastfeed after surgery (I did try and did so well for a few days). My baby has a shallow latch and feeding directly was painful after day 2. She’s now got a strong bottle preference, and pumping is killing me. I’m thinking about moving to formula, but I feel guilty like I’m failing her again, if it upset her tummy it would break my heart.

I’m constantly anxious. I overthink everything! How much she’s eaten, why she’s hiccuping, whether it’s colic. My mind just won’t stop!

My partner has been amazing, and honestly feels like he’s doing more than me. I’m so grateful, but it also makes me feel like I’m not enough, even little things, such as I struggle to burp her due to my C-section pain.

I love my baby deeply, she is the best thing and I often cry just out of overwhelming love- but I also feel like I’m drowning. Sore, emotional, anxious and this obsessive feeling of failure I can’t shake.
Has anyone felt like this and come out the other side — especially after a c-section? Everyone is telling me it’s just the baby blues!

Thanks for reading x

Oh bless you, you've had a tough time <<hugs>> I'm not a medical professional, but I've had three children so my advice is coming from me as a mum.

First of all, you haven't failed, not at all. You're here and so is your beautiful baby daughter and you'll eventually accept that how she arrived into this world isn't the most important thing - you've given birth and you're both OK. No failure there whatsoever. However, that said, you are feeling traumatised and that's a sign that you might benefit from a birth debrief to help you understand exactly what happened and why, and to come to terms with it. Also keep talking about it, it will help.

It's normal to feel weepy a few days after giving birth, and especially if you've had a difficult delivery ending in a c-section you didn't expect or prepare for. Your hormones will be all over the place, and together with lack of sleep those first few days can be very tough.

The baby blues is very normal, and the time to worry is when it doesn't pass after a few days. If you are still feeling down this time next week, please see your GP or HV because if you are heading down the post natal depression road the earlier it gets treated the better. I know this from personal experience; it took me six months to accept that I wasn't right.

With regard to the feeding, pumping is very difficult, much more so than breastfeeding, and I think you are an absolute hero for still trying. I am very pro breastfeeding and had no difficulties with my first two, but I with my third child I really struggled and eventually had to admit defeat and switch to formula because whatever I did he just wasn't gaining weight. It really upset me at first, but then I finally accepted that the most important thing was that he was thriving. I also got more sleep!

You're doing a great job, and this phase will pass. But please seek medical help if you don't start feeling better in the next few days

Can you book a ‘birth stories’ appointment with your trust? I felt similar to you it sounds like, although very different circumstances. I booked one and was disgruntled that I had to wait a while for it but the community midwives said that’s intentional. By the time the appointment came I felt a tonne better and was able to really feel the benefit in terms of validation from the appt. I think if I’d gone earlier I would have just cried through it and felt like I was searching for answers that just weren’t there. Thoroughly recommend it. What I’d say to you though, is it is so early. The fog does lift even when you are so worried ‘how can this just be normal PP or hormones’. If at 6 weeks you still feel the same I would see the GP though. I discussed it early with my midwives who were great & kept me on the books for an extra month. 6 weeks seems like a mountain to climb though so just focus on each day for now! Good luck op, it’s a wild ride!