Left house barefoot 1 day postpartum

[RealBlueQuail]

Me and dh have been together for a while, we have A wonderful relationship and have built a lively family together.

We had a hectic birthing experience with last child ( ended up giving birth in the car) 😳
We Had a few tiffs during pregnancy but nothing major, overall I would say it was a positive pregnancy and he was supportive.

however, the day we came back from the hospital we got into a very heated argument because I wanted to spend the first couple of days strictly in bed to help speed postpartum recovery and bond with baby. He wanted me to stay in living room during the day to spend time with family. I explained to him it’s fine for everyone to come into bedroom with me and baby but I want to stay in bed for just a couple of days which I don’t think is too much to ask after carrying a baby 9 months and Giving birth.

my hormones of course were all over the place so I was extremely emotional which I think he did not understand. The argument was so heated i left the house crying without a coat or phone barefoot in the middle of winter with no idea of what I would do next. I felt suicidal. He made zero attempt to stop me or come and look for me I was out of the house for over 30 mins.

I love my partner very much and appreciate all that he does for us as a family and we have tried to moved on from this. But I can’t seem to be able to fully forgive and move past this.

i don’t want to leave him, he’s loving and caring in general but I’m not sure how to move on.

any advice welcome xxx

It sounds like the row just escalated at a time when you would both be tired and emotional.
Im not sure how he could come and look for you as presumably he had the children with him?
Were you able to spend the next couple of days in bed as per your wishes?

@ninjahamster sorry I should have mentioned some of my family came over shortly after I had left the house. When my mum realised I had left she immediately ran out to look for me, at this point there was other people in the house that could look after the kids. He made no effort to look for me. Like zero.

Nope. Couldn’t spend a couple days in bed. Was in the living room all day ☹️

I would have just taken the baby and gone to bed. It's not something that really needs discussion - he's not the boss of you and you're recovering.

@LimitedBrightSpots Agreed! This is what I should’ve done

My DH and I had a row when our youngest was 3 days old. I got up early with the toddler and newborn and let him sleep until 8:30 am. When he got up he was surprised I didn't want the rest and I said "it's ok, you can take the toddler to the park later and I will get a nap". He then exploded and said I was always telling him what to do instead of asking.

I was absolutely devastated - I still think he was really unreasonable and that baby turns 15 in a few days! He behaved terribly. In his defence we were both on our knees with exhaustion and I think I shocked him with how much I broke down sobbing - I never cry (in fact that is the last time I had a really good cry).

I suppose I am telling you this because anyone can be shitty, especially when they are exhausted and emotional and managing a huge life stress like welcoming a new baby. I can't tell you if it's a deal breaker or not, but in my case whilst I still think he was being a complete turd in that moment, in the ten years before and the 15 years since he has demonstrated over and over that he does have my back, does think of us as partners, does value and love me and our kids. So whilst I don't think I will ever quite forget that day and what a turd he was, I have chalked it up to "this guy isn't perfect, but he tries hard 99 percent of the time". And I guess he probably thinks the same of me.

Does he often prioritize his family over you and the dc?

@Timpot Thank you for this it really resonates with me. He loves me and I’m sure we’ll work through things but I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
I definitely agree I think it was just a crappy situation he’s the absolute best most of the time and I know he has my back but nobody’s perfect.

@SeaToSki Nope. We are his main priority

You had earned the right to stay in bed with baby and recover and bond. It’s a shame he didn’t recognise that. I totally get you needed more from him and what will be hard for you to move past from is that you feel he loves you, but not enough. You weren’t enough to run after and him scoop you up and make everything ok. But you are enough as he chose to have a baby and be with you, and it’s learning to accept that even though he loves you, men in general, but people, particularly British aren’t as demonstrative and he won’t know how much he has hurt you and he expects you just to know he loves you, you were emotional and hormonal and needed him to demonstrate it. I had to learn that people often don’t act as we think they should but that doesn’t negate that he loves and cares deeply.

You should have just gone to bed and to hell with him. He isn't the boss of you and you'd better not let him forget it.

Regardless of what he said she said he did she did if you are feeling suicidal and acting irrationally 8leaving the house without suitable attire) you need help now. Please contact your midwife or GP. You have a very young baby who needs you well.
You can sort out your relationship problems later. An immediate threat to your life is more important.

Stop trying to minimize this.

He was cruel and heartless and he should have had your back.

You weren't "hormonal" or irrational. He was all of that and more.

You will never forget this. There is a good reason not to. He showed you who he was and there will be no unfeeling that. He is a man who prioritised everyone and everything except the welfare of his wife who had just given birth to his baby. He treated you to a display of anger and contempt.

But you weren't his priority that day when you really needed that.