3months PP. Does it get better? Not sure I can do this

[misty0101]

Im not sure whether I put this under the correct section.. I’m 3 months PP, a single mum and wondering whether I made the correct choice.

Love my baby to death but she’s driving me crazy and it isn’t her fault. Up until around 4 weeks ago things were going well, we’d gotten into a little routine, I was getting the hang of things. All of a sudden her sleep regressed and things have gotten progressively worse. She now fights her naps and her bedtime sleep, which wouldn’t be so bad but it makes her really cranky and will literally scream the house down. At first it was just getting her to fall asleep, overcame that, now it’s I can rock her to sleep but once I put her down she wakes up straight away & most of the time won’t go back to sleep unless she’s held again.

She loves her dummy but when she starts to nod off it falls out and that wakes her up, if I don’t give it to her when she’s tired she’ll cry.

On top of this she’s been spitting up a lot and always seems to have wind. She gets burped, been given infacol & I’ve now resorted to changing her formula to see if that helps with the wind (and in turn the frequent spitting up). Because of the wind I still give her 1-2 feeds at night and because of the spitting up I have to stay up a good while holding her up to try avoid the spitting up.

Im just so tired, most nights I only get a few hours sleep. I can’t do anything during the day because she cranky crying from being tired and wants to be held. I know this is what I signed up for, but i’m not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. I just feel so defeated and exhausted and miserable. Hoping this is just a phase

The early days are hard op. Hang on in there, it won’t last forever.
They are small for such a short time, although I know it doesn’t feel like it now when you are on your knees with exhaustion.
Each stage is different, and each stage brings its own challenges, but you will be out the other side before you know it.
I hope you have some support irl

I (maybe like you?) very very much struggled. It is hard not having a routine and when you manage to get one it changes just as you adjust. My mum told me that at 4 months they can go longer between feeds as their stomachs are bigger. It felt like so far away but it arrived and it did get easier from 4 months. I also sleep trained at 4 months ( because I hadn't slept for more than 2 hours in 4 months) and this meant my dd took naps and only woke for feeds from about 5 months. I cannot offer any advice other than do whatever you can to get through it. Let go of any routine for now and don' t worry if you don't have one. This chaos is not your life forever it is just for a short time and routine will return. Hang in there sending you love xxx

You are doing amazingly well! I couldn't imagine having been a single mum at the age or at any time since.

It definitely gets better. Hang on in there. A friend once told me if taking a day at a time is too hard take an hour at a time instead. This too shall pass was my mantra.

It's awful, isn't it? People tell you it's hard, but you don't realise until you're in it that it means you'll be wanting to cry and bash your head into the wall.

It doesn't last. Please hang on to that. You'll sleep again, you'll feel yourself again, your body will recover, you'll be having cosy chats with your DD and she'll be saying things that you'll treasure forever.

With the dummy, I used a little dummy clip clipped onto the chest so they can easily find it again.

You could try warming up where you want to put her down with a hot water bottle first - obviously remove it entirely before you put the baby down and use warm water in it, not boiling. It stops them getting the jarring sensation of a cold bed.

With the digestion, try lying her on her left side and rub her back firmly. The left side means her stomach will be upright so it's really good for reflux.

Also, I don't know if you've tried this but a lot of babies love white noise. You could try this app - they've got six different types of white noise as well as loads of ambient noises like rain etc.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=it.mm.android.ambience

Good luck. Please don't feel alone or like you're getting anything wrong. I know it's just hell on earth right now but you're on your way out of it xx

Forget about being perfect. Just go with it. It’s a crazy stage but does get better. Prioritise babies and your own sleep. Don’t worry about “what things should be” just what is

The baby and toddler stages are very hard, but once come out of that around age 3-4 it becomes a lot easier as they are more independent and the tantrums lessen. You just have to hang in there until then. You say you’re a single mum, do you have any support from the baby’s dad or your family?

I also wanted to say that I had my own thread very like this in the early days of MN. I felt like I was going mad, that I was a terrible mother, and tbh I kept fantasising about chucking myself in front of a train so I could finally get some rest. And I had a supportive husband at the time!

People were there for me then and we're here for you now. If you need to just rant and get it all out, we'll listen x

I found this age the hardest OP.

I'm personally not a fan of dummy for this reason, I think they do the opposite of help babies to self soothe and I think they recommend removing them by 10months anyways so I always thought it sounded more hassle than it was worth long term. Anecdotally all my friends whose babies were big into dummies were awful sleepers and depended on the dummy being put back in multiple times a night.

Is there any family could watch baby while you get a catch up? At this stage I think it's about survival, sleep and rest as much as you can day and night, everything else can wait. Try and get out for a walk everyday and definitely see if you can find a mums group or somewhere you can talk to other mums as I found this my biggest support network and it helped to know I wasnt alone.

A paediatric doctor once told me that all phases, good and bad, will pass. In my experience, what you have described is exactly what parenting is - a rollercoaster and just as you adjust, the baby changes again!
It does get easier as they get older but the sleep deprivation is absolutely brutal. You are doing an amazing job, do you have anyone in real life who can look after DD for a few hours so you can sleep?
And for evening unrest and crying we found a sling and the ‘football hold’ helped with wind and tummy ache.

The only other thing I would advise is a sleep course I did one with justchillbabysleep and it was great and not very expensive. It went into detail about the science behind baby sleep and schedules (although tbh at that stage I dont know if schedules matter.) It gives lots of tips which I found really helpful.