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Postnatal health

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Looking for advise and female perspective

6 replies

Fletch1618 · 17/04/2025 07:55

Hello all, new here and I’ve come in hope of some help, so please give me your honest opinions.
I’ll try and get to the point but will give some context so apologies if this thread seems long winded!
Me and my girlfriend have a 15 month old boy and we also have a girl of 11 and boy of 7 from her previous marriage. We were together for 3 years before we decided to have a child together - it worked very well as family of 4 and I loved family life after being a bachelor for some time. We have been very lucky in this respect. My girlfriend is a midwife with a very natural view of birth and consequently we had a really lovely home birth with very little interventions (just gas and air). Our son slept soundly for 5 months then when this changed it hit my girlfriend very hard as she was/still is breastfeeding which I am immensely proud of her for. We also didn’t go down the sleep training route as it didn’t sit well with us. My girlfriend developed quite severe post natal depression and moved quite quickly to SSRIs - which if I’m being honest surprised me and was hard for me to deal with even though she has told me this has happened with her first two children. Since then I’ve managed to get her to go to the gym once a week with her friends which she is enjoying and she’s started a private practice which has gone very well and also made her very happy. I have supported her all the way financially, emotionally and most importantly with time but struggle with the mood swings this has bought about as I’m quite sensitive myself. Life has become hard but it’s always ok when we are good and there for each other. I’m a manual labourer and business owner/operator, in the evening I only look after the kids, help cook, clean up and do bedtime every night. I’ve recently taken over the night shift with the baby in the hope this helps. I rarely see my friends, don’t train anymore and feel my health declining under the weight of this. The general consensus is that things will improve as our boy gets older. If I had my girlfriends support/positivity I know I could maintain this indefinitely but when she is low I worry and start catastrophising about the future. I love my family so much and in so many ways we are very lucky.
Any advise, critisms or suggestions greatly received. Many thanks for your stamina!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DustyLee123 · 17/04/2025 08:05

Did you know she needed antidepressants after her first two pregnancies, before you decided to have a child together ?

AnotherVice · 17/04/2025 08:28

I hope you've been less judgmental to her face about the SSRIs than you've been here. My exdh was 'disappointed in me' when I started taking them after my fourth but they saved my life. I couldn't get over his feelings about it though, we are now divorced.

Fletch1618 · 17/04/2025 10:23

Yes I knew and yes I was supportive. I wasn’t disappointed in her, I get they have their place. I am trying to be honest here.
She ascribed her previous problems after her first two to having an unsupportive partner. I was hoping to do better for her.

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SapporoBaby · 17/04/2025 10:35

It sounds very hard for you both and I’m sorry for that. It’s not sustainable for you to do nights, every night, while working. This load needs to be shared more equally.

in terms of time with friends etc I’m afraid that while ideally you’d get equal time, if she is recovering from PPD then I’d say you may need to continue sacrificing this until she is better. However that doesn’t mean indefinitely. She needs to engage with conversation around it and work towards a more equitable split of care. When that’s possible depends on her health and your ability to carry on. It’s ok for you to hit your limit too. You also matter.

jolies1 · 17/04/2025 10:41

SapporoBaby · 17/04/2025 10:35

It sounds very hard for you both and I’m sorry for that. It’s not sustainable for you to do nights, every night, while working. This load needs to be shared more equally.

in terms of time with friends etc I’m afraid that while ideally you’d get equal time, if she is recovering from PPD then I’d say you may need to continue sacrificing this until she is better. However that doesn’t mean indefinitely. She needs to engage with conversation around it and work towards a more equitable split of care. When that’s possible depends on her health and your ability to carry on. It’s ok for you to hit your limit too. You also matter.

We have a 1yo. Both working FT with baby in nursery 3 days. (My husband works long hours / weekends with 2 days off mid week).

Time away from home is hard, when we are not working we are on childcare or housework duty. If one of us asks for time off for gym / see friends we always try and accommodate though.

Night wakes we do 1 x per night each. If we have had a bad spell of wakes we have 1 night each in spare room.

Fletch1618 · 17/04/2025 14:02

Thank you for taking the time to respond - I will make some suggestions. I hope you are all ok - it’s actually good to know we are not alone 👍

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