My experience

[Sydnei]

Wow, my first childbirth was honesty traumatic. I went into the hospital because my bloods were not looking right, and I was suspected of having pre eclampsia at 36 weeks and 3 days. I stayed in hospital for monitoring with the bands and my baby girl wasn't moving much. I was then told late in the night that my baby was coming out tonight, this was in February, when my baby was meant to be due in March. So I had to call my mum and husband to come to the hospital because the baby was going to be taken out that night via c section.

I was so anxious going into the c section but they managed to get my baby girl out quickly. I was so happy to see her, and I was then sent to recovery and then to postnatal. That's when I remember having really bad stomach pain, it was unbearable and my friend was staying with me, so she called one of the midwives. A lot of things were a blur after that, as I had gone back to recovery and I couldn't get up to even go to the toilet and then I collapsed, one of the main midwives made sure I was ok, they resuscitate me, and took me to a scan. Where they found out I had an internal bleed, that lead to me having another surgery because I lost so much blood, they gave me more. I was then put in an induced coma for 4 days, which was traumatic for me, but I then realised I was moved to the ICU.

I wasn't allowed out of my bed, I had a catheter in me, I had tubes in my throat which they took out, and my throat was in pain. They were feeding me through tubes and gave me water through the tubes too.
Though I was only on the ICU for 6 days after that, I was thinking about my baby who was in the SCBU.
When I was discharged from the ICU I was allowed to go and see my baby girl in a wheelchair in the SCBU.
Then I was sent back to recovery where my mental health declined a little and I saw hallucinations and heard people say things that weren't really happening. I was given a mental health nurse every night and day and a midwife. Had doctors constantly tell me l'd been through a lot, even though I couldn't remember half of it. Eventually they deemed me mentally fit and let me have my baby, and she was discharged from the SCBU. I also had to go back into surgery because my c section wound had opened up a bit and had old blood clots inside which they cleaned out.

I was in hospital for nearly a month, l'd say 3 weeks and 6 days. It was so bad on my mental health, and I just arrived home a week ago. I'm constantly scared about my health, but my wound is healing up very nicely, thank god. But recovery has been difficult, because I'm always worried what symptom I'm having could be a bad thing, like a normal migraine, or feeling hot. I'm always scared and worried something bad will happen.
I just wanted to share this with other mama's because I really don't want to feel alone in my experience. It's been daunting and difficult, and I honestly felt so alone. It's also been a lot.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post 🤍

O my goodness. What a horrific experience. Birth is bad enough being out of hospital 36 hours later.

Have you got a community mental health nurse coming to visit? Postpartum is a massive shift from person to parent, you lose your freedom, it is incredibly difficult and also rewarding. It is also so lonely. As soon as you are able, try to join some baby classes to meet some new mums if you can.

That sounds so incredibly distressing. So far from what you would have wanted or expected and I'm so sorry you went through this.

I think it is very resourceful to post your story as a way to share and find others who have been through similar as a way to process what you have been through. You will certainly not be alone. Wishing you all the best 💐

Thank you, for your kind words! I do have a mental health nurse, but I’m not going to lie, she doesn’t do much. I had her come with a nursery nurse and the visit wasn’t pleasant, it just felt like I was being judged a lot. I do have a therapist, part of the women’s psychology. Though, I will probably try and meet some more new mums, I don’t think my experience is common, and that made me quite sad, but I’m glad many other women have had more positive experiences.

I came onto Mumsnet to post my story and joined a pre eclampsia subreddit though, they are more US based. I wanted to connect with other women who might’ve gone through the same thing as well. Thank you also for your kind words. 😊

I feel like I shouldn’t have gone into birth and pregnancy with expectations, I was constantly anxious which I feel like made things worse. 🙁

Oh my goodness @Sydnei that sounds so traumatic. I’m sorry to hear everything you went through and sorry your birth didn’t go to plan. My second birth was no where on the scale of yours but still traumatic for me, I can totally relate to those feelings you’re going through right now. It’s taken me a good few months to feel settled so just give yourself time to heal.

Be super kind to yourself right now, you’ve done amazingly well and things will get easier. Lean on your support system, make your life easier wherever you can and try and give yourself something fun to look forward to every day. A coffee, a walk in the sunshine, a class with your baby, a film to watch etc.

In terms of meeting women who have been through similar, I’d suggest asking your health visitor what groups are available locally. In my area there is a support group for new mums with anxiety or who have had traumatic births, it’s a good way to connect or meet people who have been through it. You could try Peanut too or even local Facebook groups for your area (just search town/ city + mums or parents and there will probably be a group).

I can promise you the more time you spend with other mums in real life the better you will feel. Talking is therapy.

Thank you so much for your comment, I’m glad your experience wasn’t as bad as mine. I know mine is very rare and out of ordinary, I was told by midwives and doctors the same thing and it did make me feel hurt that I didn’t have a normal birthing experience. I definitely want to meet new mums, maybe even some who might’ve gone through the same thing, I also want to go to classes but I have a lot of anxiety after everything that has happened.

I’m definitely trying to take each day as it comes, I would like to talk in a support group for traumatic births or anxiety. I will try and talk to my health visitor about this!

Again, thank you for taking the time to read my post and comment kind words. I really appreciate it 🩷

Also if you’d like someone to talk to about your experience I always have open ears! Know your feelings are valid, and even if we didn’t have the same experience, your experience is yours, and be kind to yourself too mama 🤍