Post partum emotions

[Londonaries]

I’m five days PP with DS2, whom I love to bits. I know I’m not dealing with postpartum depression—I’m coping with life and have handled emotional challenges before—but I find myself feeling overwhelmed with certain thoughts about the future. I guess I just want to reach out and see if anyone else has struggled with these feelings.

I’m emotional about what life might look like 20 years from now, and it’s making me emotional. I know it sounds silly, but I keep picturing a future where I feel alone, with grown-up sons who have their own lives, and this overwhelming sense that something is missing. Not having a daughter has hit me harder than I expected. It’s not that I don’t adore my boys—I do!—but I always thought that if I wanted a daughter, that door would be open. Now, with my husband firmly set on no more children, I have to come to terms with the fact that it won’t happen, and that’s tough.

Here’s what’s weighing on me:

A) I know people whose grown-up sons have their own lives and don’t visit much, and I worry that could be me one day. Daughters seem to be more connected to their older parents.

B) My husband (44) is 6 years older than me, he doesn’t take great care of himself, (and seems to dislike parenting more than enjoying it) I worry that he’ll not be around in 20 years… I can’t help but worry about what that means for the future and my sons.

C) I never imagined I wouldn’t get the chance to be a mother to a daughter. Even if I never actively decided to try for one, I always thought the possibility was there. Now that it’s completely off the table, I’m struggling to process it.

D) I’ve spent my life working and moving cities, and along the way, I’ve lost touch with so many people. I don’t have any close friends from my past or present, and I feel like I have no real connections outside of my immediate family.

I don’t know if this is just the usual postpartum emotional wave, but it’s not just general sadness. It’s this deep worry about the future and what my life will look like as my kids grow up. Has anyone else felt this way? How did you move past it?

Congratulations on your baby OP, the postpartum hormones are wild and can have you really overwhelmed at the best of times.

For what it’s worth I think what the future looks like is down to you & what you want your family to look like, it’s a “you reap what you sow” situation. My husband doesn’t really have a relationship with his parents, that was their doing, they did nothing as a family growing up, they weren’t close, never had family dinners or even had a chat really, they just co-existed in the same house while he was living there and so once he moved out the contact stayed pretty much non-existent, we see them maybe 2/3 times a year now we have a child but that’s the bed they made for themselves. My sister’s fiancé on the other hand has always had an amazing relationship with his parents, they did lots together, have always been there for each other and he still goes round with my sister (and sometimes with me, my husband & daughter as well) for dinner one night a week, they’ve all been on holiday together etc. You get to decide what the future looks like x

Just a quick message to say that my DH absolutely adores his parents, calls them all the time (ok maybe not daily, like his sister) and visits as much as possible. Only missed a Christmas with them due to COVID (I don't care too much about Christmas so was always happy to ensure he spends it with his family instead of 'alternating', might change now that we have DS).