I'm going my midwives - anxious and upset

[AOMum14]

Hello,

A bit of backstory about me - I lost my DS at 33 weeks in 2022, had DD1 in 2023 and DD2 in 2025. I also have found out in the last few years that I am a carrier of BRCA1 which increases my chance of certain cancers. Due to my existing health anxiety, made worse from my BRCA1 diagnosis and losing my son, I have found pregnancy extremely hard, struggled with my anxiety and often felt something was wrong with me or my baby.

Luckily, I have been gifted with the most amazing care. My routine midwife has been the same throughout all my pregnancies, my consultant has given me so much extra time and the midwives at my local hospital who run a 24/7 service where you can call or go in anytime (even the middle of the night), have been amazing.

Everyone welcomed me and supported me. They all took time to learn my name and learn my story. They never judged me. They would say stuff like "you are so brave and you are doing so well" "you are never a burden" "it makes sense why you feel this way". I could call up and ask to come in for a check over to calm my anxiety or even call in the middle of the night where they would reassure me. "Go to sleep lovely, nothing is wrong and if you are still worried come in the morning, we'd rather you see us than stay at home worrying".

Now I'm almost 28 days postpartum with my DD2 who is my last baby and I am going to be signed off. A huge part of my support system is going to go and these midwives which have been such a huge part of my life for the last 4 years are just going disappear from my life forever. I'm really upset and scared - they make me feel so so safe and I am going to miss them.

I raised this with my midwife who said not to forget that I still have my GP and peri-natal mental health team. The problem is, I'm a hypochondriac and my GP surgery hates me (understandably). They don't react with understanding - they literally question why I'm there. I always leave embarrased. They haven't taken time (they are very overworked I know) to learn about me and the huge life events that have happened that have caused my mental health to struggle.

My peri-natal mental health person is also useless. I often tell her about my worries or feelings and it seems that unless I'm about to unalive myself, they are happy to keep me plodding along. Luckily, I am not struggling to that degree but it feels I am shut down for not struggling enough.

Next week, if I wake in the night worried about a postpartum symptom or my baby, I won't have anyone to call. I won't have a kind words given to me from a recognisable voice to comfort me and talk logic into my brain.

If you are a midwife out there, you are amazing! There is no other group of professionals out there in my experience that have ever made me feel so safe.

Has anyone else felt the same?

Midwife here, thank you for your lovely words! And congratulations on your babies, I am sorry for your previous loss. I think it’s common to grieve when you have to move on from certain professionals who have made you feel listened to and supported. Could you join some mum and baby groups to find a community - maybe baby yoga or Mindful Mums? Along side midwifery, I also do massage and I think there are quite a few midwives out there with side hustles or who run postnatal groups, have a look around. And I’d consider moving GP surgeries if they are that dismissive of you. Good luck! ❤️

Hi
not sure if it’s the same everywhere but I find my health visitor service really good. They have a number to text and I always get a reply on the day and if it’s out of hours always the next morning. Obviously this is not the same level of support you are used to if you are calling through the night but I don’t think that would helpful for you in the long run really (said with kindness) could using another service be a good stepping stone to you not needing so much support?

OP, I think you’ve got used to an unusual amount of what sounds like very engaged care, so no wonder you’re sad it’s come to an end. But I think you need to arrange for some MH support to address your health anxiety, not hang that on midwives/consultant whose care you are no longer in. Have you had therapy previously?

I understand how you feel. I know not the same but I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and then had ds1 quite quickly afterwards. I remember feeling so scared he was going to die and I really appreciated the reassurance from the lovely midwives.

It was ok though. I had a health visitor who was amazing and really kind when I kept worrying about things or was convinced that ds1 had meningitis.

My experience with the HV service has been excellent as well. I know it is absolutely not the case everywhere (and they get a terrible rep on MN) but i received enhanced support (i had PND, my baby had been in NICU with sepsis and then had some weight gain / feeding issues) and my HV came weekly to begin with then monthly after 6months until DD1 was 1yo. She was very clear she was there for me as much as DD. She was able to refer me to referral only baby groups for mums that needed a bit of extra support. I chose not to take medication for the PND, but she helped me access talking therapies. I have the same HV now for DD2 and she is just brilliant. Have you talked to your HV about your mental health? I'd be surprised if there wasn't somewhere they could refer you for some extra support.