Postpartum Rage

[Xxx122]

I don’t even know the purpose of me posting this!

DS is 14 weeks, he is my second baby. We haven’t had a great start reflux, colic, constipation.. you name it!

My DD has just turned 2.

I remember PP rage with DD but I dont recall it being this bad.

I have turned into an actual b**ch! It is horrifying. I usually am so patient, loving and kind.

I literally want to scream at the smallest of inconveniences. I am snapping at my DD which is completely out of character for me. I always apologise and doing my best to be so mindful. But even when i dont snap in my head it feels like im going to explode.

It isnt just DD thats just an example. My dogs are irritating me for just existing. My house is irritating me as its not immaculate! I have 2 kids of course its not going to be!

My DP is getting it too! Even for being too happy around me. Like what!!

The most frustrating thing about it is that I know exactly what i am doing and how wrong it is! But i cant seem to stop!

I am already on 60mg duloxitine for MH which is pretty much controlled. I think I may contact the GP tomorrow for a potential increase??

Any tips on how not to be such a cow to my perfect family :(

Can you afford to farm any of your work out, like dog walker or cleaner?

My PND manifested itself as post partum rage with both DC. I was just so angry for so long. Theres a person on insta called Dr Boyd who has an account about this. I found her quite good to follow - not necessarily for tips, but at least she was talking about it. I couldnt really find a lot of info online at first.

My DS is now 9 months old. My PPD only became obvious to others when the rage got worse. I would get so angry but then got even angrier with myself because I couldn't understand why I feel that way.

I struggled with expressing the many thoughts that were flooding my head 24/7 (and still do sometimes) but I'm now in counselling and one of the things I do is called "worry time" (as a very blunt person, I found it wishy-washy and fluffy in the beginning)

Whenever I think of something that worries me or causes a distressing feeling, I remember it by writing it on my phone (this includes what makes me angry). Then, every evening, my partner and I work through that list to help me express what I am feeling and we resolve it (almost like a couples a counselling) It helps me to realise what I'm truly angry about and my partner helps validate those feelings whilst also able to help me rationalise. Might be worth a go?

It's also completely ok to ask for space!! Even if an hour when your partner has baby! Use this time specifically just for you. Even though your baby gets older and we come out of that "immediate pp stage" doesn't mean we just forget about ourselves and sanity forever lol