Postnatal depression?

[97cookit]

Hi..
I’ve got a 2 year old toddler and a 4 week old baby and I’m really struggling.

I struggled with my mental health whilst pregnant but it got lots better when baby arrived. I was in a lovely newborn bubble to start with.. but now it’s got to a point that my mental health is starting to take a hit again.

The baby isn’t the most easy/happy going baby and just screams whenever he has any awake time. I’ve been trying to call the Health Visitor on advice but no answer in two days now. He gets stuck awake for hours and just screams, there’s literally nothing I can do. I feel like I’m struggling to connect with him. He won’t accept a bottle or dummy - so can only calm him on the boob or white noise.

My toddler is really stubborn, hard work, he doesn’t listen or do a thing he’s asked of, he lashes out and has started shouting at us when he’s raging or having tantrums. It’s a struggle to get him in the car or pushchair (it’s a literal nightmare) and he’s a runner also so I have to be careful. We have one or two safe places we can go too and I try to keep him busy but I can’t just pop to the shops or anything like that so I feel really locked in.

I know this is probably everyone’s issues with having a toddler and newborn and I know he’s just in his terrible 2 stage on top of a long life change and he’s going through a lot as well as us.

I just don’t know how am I supposed to cope with this all mentally?! Is it postpartum depression or is it just because like is just difficult right now and I’m going to feel down because of the situation.. there’s just no light at the end of the tunnel right now.

Anyone would struggle immensely with that. I only have one baby and he screamed and screamed and I struggled so much. I frequently thought do i have PND? But then we would have a good day and I'd have an extra hour of sleep, and felt better. It was "just" extremely hard.

Mine turned out to have CMPA and giving up dairy ( I EBF) helped, plus time, paedetrician said the crying peaks weeks 6-8 but then goes down and that was indeed the case.

The toddler really needs to go to nursery in the day. I don't think it's feasible for anyone to be at home with a newborn and a toddler, I'd lose my mind.

Hi Op. I’ve got a 3 year old and a 14 week old and felt the exact same, after the oxytocin wore off I felt so dooms day, I did think why have we done this. Around 6 weeks things started to improve though, baby settled into a bit more routine etc. Just responding for solidarity really, the jump from 1-2 is violent!

Thank you both, honestly some days are a literal living hell. We do get some good days. Toddler does go to nursery on Monday and Fridays so will try and enjoy the baby a bit more on those days. My sister is going to have him on Tuesday too thankfully.

Hopefully things will improve soon. My 2 yr old is going into a throwing and spitting stage now 🤦‍♀️ trying not to lose my 💩 on the reg and reacting to it as calmly as possible.

Husband is so stressed he’s started smoking again 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Thanks for responding to me ♥️

Ah god honestly it’s a real shock to the system isn’t it! Our baby is quite colicky too, complete opposite baby to our very chilled first haha. But 14 weeks in we have decided we are probs going to have a 3rd despite always planning to stop at 2 so it really does get much better! It’s tough only having nursery for 2 days though, our eldest is in 3.5. Make the most of your sister, bet she will love having the 1:1 with your toddler too.

I know it sounds obvious but try and make half hour a day and strip you & baby off and into bed for some skin to skin. I completely forgot about it this time due to being more busy and my mental health and bonding improved so much when I started doing that. Plus the baby seems to really love it and calms down when we get in bed if she’s kicking off!

Thank you lovely, that’s a great idea to do some skin to skin. It might help to calm him in the evenings too - two birds one stone :) I’ve started giving him infacol too which might help settle him too.

I’m glad to hear things do get a bit better and it’s crazy how we forget how bad things have been so much so that we are happy to do it all again! 😂 🤦‍♀️

Sadly nursery is so expensive we can’t afford to put him in for longer whilst I’m on maternity. Hopefully things will get easier eventually and it won’t be so hard going 🙈

Yeah, 2 under 2 here. Until youngest was 6 months I was white knuckling it trying to keep myself together..I was getting daily panic attacks 😅 I'd never felt so terrified..as weaning started and baby settled better it slowly eased up. My eldest went through an epic meltdown phase (has we now know a developmental delay and possible Sen which is being investigated)
My God I felt like curling into a ball and hiding in a cupboard.

I find if someone can watch one, I would get in the bath with the other.(or pop baby in bouncer while you bath with toddler) Chills them right out and I enjoyed just sitting in a bath for intermittent peace (you may get splashed) then swap them over to bath the next..just sit there and soak while they have a splash. I do find a bath halted the tantrum/meltdowns too. Sort of switched the mood and changed the scene. I also invested in a bubble fish lamp for the nighttime screamathons. Doesn't stop it, but helps to regain control of the situation.

@97cookithow are things a year on? I am in a similar situation. I have an 8 week old and a 2 and half year old. I’m finding things very difficult and I’m not enjoying motherhood, dread my toddler coming home from nursery and baby just won’t settle. I am regretting having children but it’s something I always wanted, also wondering if this could be postnatal depression or just life with a toddler and newborn.