Hi All,
I am living at my mums house with my toddler son to get away from my mentally abusive husband (physically abusive in past).
Now, I'm back at mums and I as a child have witnessed domestic violence (my dad abusing my mum).
Anyway, now, I have realised that the way sometimes my mum treats me cannot be normal. She is constantly having a go at me for the littlest things here, she is very organised and clean, yet with my brother her son who is so rude and even swears at my parents she babies him. I am South Asian. Anyway, it's to a point where yesterday we had my aunts come over and she was forcing me to make my son wear a certain top, which I just cannot find even till now, and I said look I will make him wear something different don't worry. However, an hour into my aunts coming she was forcing me to change him to something which was too big and she asked me to get this other different top but I could not find that either. The changing of clothes was totally unnecessary. Then she was getting so angry at me and I got scared at one point seeing how she was looking at me. I even remembered a particular time few months after giving birth where my husband was saying things like 'you're finished, you're junkie' etc just because he wasn't able to find where I kept his socks and I was struggling to find it. He used to call me junkie due to me being on antidepressants a while back.
Now I'm feeling as though I am fitting nowhere in this world. Both my mother and my husband have treated me like this. However my mum is my mum, she has suffered at the hands of my dad and also had depression etc, she suffered a lottt and she is my mum at the end of the day so I try to be patient.
However, my mum always cooks and helps me and looks after and loves my son and I and she has done more for me than any other person in my life . It's just I guess she has her hard moments.
But, it's to a point where thoughts are creeping up that I need to leave this world because I'm not finding peace anywhere. Neither my husbands home nor at mums.
Can someone advise therefore if it is actually something real whereby a person can actually get accustomed to hot and cold relationships from others because both my mum and husband have been good and bad towards me. I don't even mean bad in the normal argument way but as in significantly hurt me, I used to be hit by my mum as a child too for unreasonable things and I can say unreasonable because I'm an adult and know what was unreasonable. Can you also please suggest a way in which I can live a normal life by myself with my son where my parents also aren't offended of me not staying with them but seperate.
I have Post Natal Depression as it is and I'm very overwhelmed as I am also dealing with the head pain and vision problems from the physical abuse from my husband. Im at a point where I fear my mum will hit me too on the head or something and I quickly try move away or stay in fear of being hit