Am I going crazy?

[BluntHazelBalonz]

Hi mums, please can someone advise me or at least tell me im not going insane ( it really feels like I am). Currently 6 days PP, had a very anxious and sort of difficult delivery (assisted delivery) even though I’m healing well now. I felt a bit off since leaving the hospital and it’s like when I look in the mirror I feel like a different person, I look like one zombie even though no one else realises this and says I look the same, it’s like my eyes look so different. Everything feels so different in life, I am so grateful for my baby she is so beautiful and sweet but I feel like all the things I’m feeling right now are preventing me from enjoying her and loving her as much as I can. I feel sort of out of it, finding it hard to sleep/I sleep maybe 5 hours broken sleep at night as everytime my partner helps with the feeds and changes I subconsciously wake up and it’s hard for me to get back to bed or even think about napping in the day. When I have some rest I’ve noticed I feel better and love her and have energy. I went to the shops with my partner today and felt so anxious and felt like one zombie even though I slept better tonight… i keep googling stuff and it says stuff about psychosis and it freaks me out so much, what if I’m actually losing myself. I feel very weird and not like myself since leaving the hospital, no desire to even listen to music or do things I normally enjoy as I feel like that life is gone now and I’m sort of mourning over it and over being pregnant as I really loved my pregnancy even though it was unplanned. I feel very weird in my body now and I don’t know if it’s really intense anxiety but there’s a CONSTANT fear or something so intense where I can’t seem to calm it down. Any advice, is there hope and is this normal as I feel like I’m going nuts !?!!

I have had some anxiety and panic in the past but this is NOTHING like it, what I am feeling is so so intense it’s like I’m going mad :(

I think you need to explain to your health visitor, or, if things get worse, seek urgent help. Giving birth is really a confusing time I think- all those hormones, and producing another whole human is a bit of a headf*ck!

I personally felt like my emotions expanded x 1 million once I was a mum, and it takes s while to adjust.

If you're really worried, call 111, or go to A&E.

I am not a medical professional, but I would speak to someone, health visitor, GP maybe... Hormones can play tricks. Anxiety is not an uncommon symptom after birth, and the whole thing is a shock to the system no matter how well a delivery may have gone. It won't always feel like this but I know in the moment it's a lot... at least that's how it felt for me. It's good to get it out in the open and get support if needed.

You’re not going mad OP and equally if you’re not feeling quite right it’s worth trusting your instinct. I’m sorry to hear you had some difficult things happen during your birth. Feeling like a zombie during newborn days is normal because of all the sleep interruption/deprivation, the relentless feeding/changing etc, feeling anxious is also normal cos of all the new mum hormones and the shift from being pregnant to having a newborn. Equally if you had some difficult experiences during your birth and you’re getting v little opportunity to rest it’s difficult for your brain to settle and that cam contribute to heightened anxiety.
There are people who can help if you’re feeling distressed by your feelings - your midwife, health visitor, GP (whoever you feel most comfortable with). If you have a perinatal mental health service near you they may be able to help too.

Ultimately please know that if you’re feeling a bit low/anxious/whatever it is NOT your fault and there is nothing wrong with you - and you deserve help, love and support. You matter x

How are you getting on now @BluntHazelBalonz?

Have you managed to speak to your HV or your GP yet?

You sound probably traumatised by a difficult birth you poor love. Be super super kind to yourself, you’ve been through a lot. I’d get in touch with your health visitor immediately as it’s not ok for you to be feeling like this, try not to be alarmed by your current state of mind, with the right help it will pass and you’ll do yourself no favours by thinking about what’s to come when it likely isn’t going to come anyhow!
it all sounds overwhelming, try and reach out to those around you and be honest so that they can try and help xx