Is postpartum really making me overreact and crazy?

[ConfusedAdult2001]

I (23F) have 2 young babies, 2yo and 8mo. I live with my husband and his family (mom and sister), and as of lately I almost feel as if I seriously resent and dislike nearly everyone in our home except for my kids, and I'll list why. The list is really long, but I felt i need to give context as to what I'm dealing with and just want an outside perspective as to whether or not my feelings truly are just because of postpartum OR if my frustrations/hurt is actually justified OUTSIDE of my hormones being haywire. I'm also breastfeeding if that contributes to anything.

1. immediately postpartum with our first, my husband told me (after asking him to help me with our oldest) that there are two other people in our home that can help me with her and that he shouldn't be the first person I ask (which we has been cleared up for him via our couple's therapist)
2. my name is not on the mortgage, just my husband and his mom (they bought the house before we married) and about a week or two before Thanksgiving, she told me I need to "pack my things and leave" after knocking on our door and threatening to break the door down, because I told her I wasn't in the mood to talk and both the kids were crying (context: she previously told me I don't do anything when I have my kids, and i was essentially just keeping my space to avoid getting even more frustrated and unintentionally taking it out on her)
3. she told me "you need to talk to your doctor because you're acting crazy" after I told her I didn't want the toddler in her room (or anywhere for that matter) UNSUPERVISED because I don't want her to get into something and then to hear his mom complaining to me about she did something unwanted due her being UNSUPERVISED (context: MIL was watching toddler while I was at work, I came home, she told me toddler drew on her white bed set with marker, I told her it wasn't on me because I wasn't home and I don't allow her the opportunity to get into things she shouldn't)
4. MIL complained to my husband that I was keeping the kids away from her... even though she told me to stop waking her up with them (they cry, scream, and/or the toddler might try to open her door, and she was getting frustrated by it, so she told me to stop waking her up), and so I avoided the whole situation by just keeping the kids with me the entire day up until I have to go take her to work
5. she told me she didn't want me doing laundry more than 1x/mo, so dirty laundry started piling up in the basement near the washer because if I did laundry more than 1x/mo she was yelling at me to stop doing laundry, and i can't just keep dirty laundry laying around, so I had to move it to the basement where laundry gets done - then she got so fed up with them being there, so she decided to wash them all herself and then complained about doing it the entire time (again, I could've done it, but she was upset that I obviously need to do laundry more than 1x/mo as a family of 4 AND told me I didn't need to go to the laundromat despite me offering to do so)
6. DH mom and sister continuously lie on me to him about things I'm doing/not doing or saying or not saying, just always making me out to be the bad guy, which then causes him to come to me asking me questions about what actually happened, to then only be told that 2 people saying the same thing and me going against it doesn't add up (which i completely understand, but his sister will always side with his mom, whether she's right or wrong - usually wrong about how she reacts in a certain situation)
7. they complain to DH that I don't let them help me with the kids despite being able to hear them cry/fuss, but when I have asked, I've gotten attitude and excuses, doors closed in my face, and just overall complaints about how they watch the kids while i work and don't want to watch them if a parent is home (which i understand since their parents are home, but there's no need to be rude about it and/or act like I didn't already try to ask you for help initially)
8. his mom and sister basically shit talked me the entire time my mom was over watching the kids (as told by my mom) and when confronted about the information said, she called my mom during church and essentially told her to "not twist" her words, and to say what she told me in front of her so she could clarify what she meant/said (my mom literally told me about things i never mentioned to her, so even if she "twisted" or misinterpreted some of the things my MIL said, they were things that were still said)
9. DH, SIL, and MIL keep telling me I'm more irritable than ever before and try blaming it on me being postpartum and having PPD, advising me to talk to my doctors/therapist, but it feel like they're essentially negating my feelings about things and how they continue to hurt and disrespect me and then yell or get upset at me for trying to avoid them altogether
10. MIL consistently undermines my parenting (context: one potty training incident, she essentially started undoing the training i was doing with the toddler, to keep from getting upset, I picked up our 2yo, verbalized that I was walking away, and then she chased after me and started yelling at me, which obviously caused me to raise my voice back - she told 2yo I didn't "know she was still a baby", tried to tell me I don't understand how it makes her feel hearing them cry/fuss, and i responded by telling her to allow me to learn with my child and my child to learn with me as her mother (not yell, just raised my voice some and THEN lowered it back down in a few seconds to try to prevent her from going to DH and saying I yelled at her AGAIN)

The list just goes on and on and on, but no matter what, I feel as though PPD can't be to blame for how I feel towards all of the other adults in the house when I feel as though EVERY SINGLE SITUATION would be infuriating for any sane person not already dealing with their own mental/physical/emotional/hormonal health issues, much less a young mom of 2 trying to literally appease everyone else in the home.

I try to respect everyone, follow the "rules" of their home, but the rules keep changing and i get berated for the rules changing unbeknownst to me, or because they have a problem with me strictly following what I'm being told or how I'm being treated. And then when I get upset about how I'm being treated unjustly, it becomes an issue because I'm "acting crazy" and irrational, just irritable all because I'm postpartum (which i honestly feel is the same as the insult of "she's being a bitch just because she's on her period")

I think you are living under conditions which anyone would find tremendously difficult. So I do not think your feelings are because of post partum depression.

I hope someone can come on with good advice as I am not sure what to suggest other than to try to sit down with your SIL and MIL at a time when no one is upset and try to work out some expectations and boundaries.

Obviously it would help if you and your DH were in your own house together with your name on the mortgage too. This may not be something you could do though.

Okay, thank you. I know postpartum rage and aggression are serious things, and DH kept trying to basically self diagnose me with it, but I honestly feel like my feelings and frustrations are beyond justified.

So, we tried sitting down with MIL via our couples' therapist's recommendation, but that was basically a flop because his mom doesn't understand why anything she said would be hurtful/disrespectful, and like I said, SIL kind of just blindly agrees with MIL without thinking for herself. MIL agreed to try not to do/say the things she has anymore, but I honestly just feel like if she can't understand/comprehend how something she does/says is disrespectful, it's going to continue to happen even unintentionally. To avoid that, I've literally just decided to keep my space to protect my own peace.

In this very moment, it's hard to even get our own place together, especially with the way the economy is set up right now, lack of available places, it's just really hard.

I am very sorry, it must be so difficult. To think you are working as well as dealing with all this.

Well done for trying with your MIL.

It sounds as though you hope to get your own place one day which would make all the difference.

in the meantime, as well as keeping space away from MIL maybe you could occasionally arrange to go out with her and your children together to do something nice together, just as a way of creating a positive atmosphere in a more neutral space.

I had not realised ( or missed) in your first post that you feel rage. This is an especially strong reaction even though your living arrangements are so difficult.

It could really be worth seeing your doctor in private to describe your feelings to see to what extent your rage is owing to circumstances and what might also be due to hormonal changes/exhaustion/other related aspects to birth.

I think people talk about depression after birth but not this which is wrong. This article is helpful.
www.cope.org.au/new-parents/first-weeks/postpartum-rage/

This article is more detailed.
my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24768-postpartum-rage

So, I'm keeping my space because I kind of want nothing to do with them at the moment. MIL seems to always find something wrong with whatever I'm doing, and SIL is basically an instigating bystander, and I'm kind of really not here for any of it.

After the pre-Thanksgiving situation, and especially after his mom told me I don't do anything when I have my kids, I told him that they can't ask me to help or do anything else for them - bring them to the grocery store (I'll go myself with a list, but I'm not in the mood to be basically stuck in a small space with them), make appointments/phone calls for them, bring them to appointments, etc. So everything i was doing FOR THEM whilst having my kids with me and essentially dealing with them on my own the entire time, I told my husband I wasn't doing anymore, since I "don't do anything when I have my kids anyway."

DH tried to blame the language barrier. I understand language barriers definitely play a significant role, however, "you need to pack your things and leave" and "you need to go to your mom's house for a few days to relax" are two COMPLETELY different statements in my own personal opinion OUTSIDE of my frustrations with them.

I don't really feel like i have postpartum rage, that's just something DH was asking me if I thought I had it, which I don't think so simply because my frustrations and irritability have been building for YEARS, but for everything to happen in such a short time span really set me off, and basically made it so that I don't care anymore. SIL even told me "Merry Christmas" despite me actively avoiding them, and of course I replied back, but again, DH already told me she basically likes to see me confused/frustrated with situations, and that was never discussed, so in my mind, she feels like that's okay, which means she's not going to understand WHY it's wrong nor why I'm actively avoiding them and basically want nothing to do with either of them.

Thank you for the resources, I'll look into them, but I really don't think I have postpartum rage, just pent up frustrations and irritability and the unwillingness to continue to put up with the BS.

I apologise, you would know the difference. I had just thought from your second post, mentioning ’rage’, that you might be feeling more powerful, engulfing feelings than just general feelings coming from general frustration.

No one else has come to advise you yet, but I hope they will soon.

I forgot to ask, is your MIL from a different country? Is that why there is a language barrier?

My husband and his family are from a different country, his sister was born in America like myself, but still share the same culture as DH and MIL

No need to apologize at all! I appreciate the input! I do have a tendency to jump around in my conversations, so that could also be on me 😅