New mums: DOES IT GET BETTER?

[TheCoralFinch]

New mum of an almost 6 m/o DB here!

I am so consumed by my baby; BF mum, feeding him to sleep, needs me to stay beside him or he wakes immediately both day and night, have literally NO time to myself, no evenings of reprieve, this is taking a toll on my relationship as I cannot spend any time with my partner. I also can’t get much done around the house, my partner is up my arse (and not in a good way) about not doing enough chores / not keeping on top of things. We NEVER argued before baby, but now constantly argue. Every day I wake up, I feel like I cannot face the day. I do not feel like a person anymore. I feel so overwhelmed all the time, so stressed and angry and I worry my baby can feel it all too. How do other mums do this? How do you deal with the never-ending demands of motherhood? How do I make my home a happy home again? How can I get anything done? And perhaps most importantly, will I ever feel like myself again? I have not felt the same since birth.

I would feel the same if I didn't have a baby carrier. I didn't have one for the first few months with my first baby and it was awful.

Not always easy to get chores done but I can cook, hoover, put washing on with my baby in the carrier. It's easy (for me) to go out for a coffee on my own like this too or go for a walk, things I like doing, not quite alone time but it's nice.

My partner is wonderful and does the jobs that are hard to do with a baby, it doesn't sound like yours understands how hard it is to be on top of a house and while holding the baby, has he had to try and do things while looking after the baby too??

We watch tv with dinner while our baby sleeps on one of us, or go for lunch/ coffee/ a walk with our baby and that works for us as time together at the moment.

But in answer to the main question, things change and the problems you have now will be easier, an 8 year old will give you other things to stress about :-)

Yes. It does get better. Immensely better. Think of your future. You, your child as a teen or an adult. It'll be great. And you'll look back on these moments almost (!) with fondness. Good luck. I have the non sleeper child next to me as a gorgeous unique teen. Hubby still here. Relationship better than ever I hoped at the worst. I miss the cuddles, the neediness.

Sending you a big hug.

How you’re feeling is completely normal, it can feel very overwhelming. Definitely recommend a sling to get things done in the day, they are a lifesaver! In my experience, things don’t go back to how they were before but it does get a lot a lot easier.

Also don’t be hard on yourself if you get behind some days on the chores, you are working 24/7 already.

Hi OP, it does get better! Is he sitting yet? My daughter is 8 months old now and has always been a velcro baby (still is in terms of sleep, contact naps always and is still in crib beside my bed), I used to use the baby carrier lots during the day so that I could get the house jobs done, get out & about etc. Since she started sitting, started taking a proper interest in toys and especially since she started crawling things are so much easier- harder in other ways obviously as I now need eyes in the back of my head BUT she will quite happily sit and play with her toys for awhile or just crawl around the room at my feet for me to get jobs done or cook a meal which helps us both massively.

Why can’t you have some time to yourself on an evening? Even half an hour to an hour in the bath/lying in bed/scrolling/watching rubbish TV while dad looks after baby would do you the world of good. This is what we do whenever my husband is home from work in time to make it doable, he takes care of baby while I have a bath or just chill on my own and then he has his chill time/bath time while I put baby to bed. Then we have some “us” time even though usually that’s lying in bed or lounging on the sofa. That little bit of time on my own gives me time to just switch off and I feel so much better for it.

In terms of getting back to yourself, depending on what your interests are/were, have a look locally. I used to run & go to the gym pre-baby and now go to a gym where I can take her with me, gym classes where she can come and from 6 months can run with baby so I go to a mum& baby run club and run on my own. Honestly I can’t explain how much more positive having that bit of my life back made me feel and even better being able to take baby because I can go whenever I want rather than having to wait around and try to organise what nights or early mornings I could do around my husband’s work etc.