I am now four months postpartum and have had a difficult time. I found out I had to be induced in a couple days because baby was measuring very small. Was very anxious about that whole process but yay I got through it. But I didn't go home. Stayed in the neonatal with my baby because she had dangerously high jaundice levels that would only come down momentarily with light therapy. My experience staying in the hospital wasn't the best. Staff were not the nicest and it was hard recovering with no family around. I had to take care of baby myself including while she was getting therapy. It felt so nice to finally be able to see the sun outside once I could go home.
I worked on establishing exclusively breastfeeding her which is also difficult. She would suck continuously. My day would turn into night and she would still be latched on. People told me shes cluster feeding and it's normal. She had been doing this for 2 months everyday. Later I found out that she was comfort nursing because she was in pain and the crying wasn't because she was hungry. I took her to the GP several times and even A and E a couple times and described all her symptoms. I got responses like it's just colic or it's normal and you I didn't need to come into A and E and once the doctor said 'That sounds strange, I'm sorry I don't know but please don't hesitate to book another appointment if things get worse'. I felt so frustrated. She was constantly crying, having diarrhea and vomiting out milk. She just wanted to suckle on my breast. I asked the doctor if I should cut out anything from my diet and she told me not to. I still cut out dairy and have seen a huge improvement. She still does have some symptoms though. To add on she doesn't sleep. She fights sleep when I try put her down and finally after an hour of both of us crying she finally sleeps but wakes up again in 10-15 min. I feel like I've tried it all and just given up. Following wake windows, a nap schedule, checking the environment, making sure she's not under tired or overtired, baby carrier, pushchair. None of it works. Even if she sleeps contact napping and I'm still rocking she wakes up so I've given up. Healthcare visitor tells me to let her cry it out but I think it's too mean as she's still young. Maybe it's a developmental thing or maybe because her stomach is upset she can't sleep properly. Anyway since for the last four months I barely got time to even brush my teeth. I've just stayed in my room continuously soothing her and trying to put her to sleep. I've naturally lost contact with friends, family, any hobbies, self care etc. I mustered on because I thought newborn time is tough and eventually it'll be better but it hasn't and the sleep issue just seems to get worse every week. I'm afraid I'll be stuck like this for a very long time. It feels like I'm living the same day over and over and that I'm going to go mad. I used to always think about wanting to go meet with a friend or going for a walk or doing skincare or working out etc that I'd feel better. But now when I get 10-15 minutes to myself I don't want to do anything and I just feel sad. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. No aspirations. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone or do anything and I don't have much hope for the future too. I just wanted to know if other people relate and if this is normal postpartum? And that this feeling will go away