I've got a toddler and a new born. DH is having a hard time with some family tragedies and quite a lot of stress and late hours at work. This is making him a bit grumpy, high stress and hard to talk to, understandably. When I'm not on mat leave, I'm the higher earner and better qualified. I also stupidly agreed to move closer to DH's family in my first mat leave and my employer let me wfh more so we could stay here temporarily because I was pregnant again anyway quite quickly.
My two kids are lovely. The toddler is, well a toddler and a bit screamy sometimes. The baby is the sweetest little thing. I had a C-section and DH started complaining 5 or so weeks postpartum that I needed to do more housework and so on. I've picked up as much as I'm able to. I'm now doing most of the nursery pick-ups, 1-2 loads of laundry a day, cooking dinner, looking after both children in the afternoon when the toddler is back from nursery and the baby 24/7. I've literally not had a break to shower or brush my teeth without looking after at least one child since the baby came. DH complains he's not getting time off either, which is true. But then he did have a boys weekend away and several trips out with friends in the last couple of months.
This morning I took both kids to the shop so DH could shower in peace. He also sleeps in the spare room so he doesn't get woken up by the baby every 2 hours. I'm ok with that, but it's still a bonus he's getting. He's great with the toddler. He gets her dressed in the morning and does bed time. He works late at home most evenings, so often I'm trying to feed the toddler dinner whilst eating and breastfeeding the baby at the same time. He does a lot of the cooking when he's not working.
I don't want to be in his home town. I want to move back to close to my job so I don't have to find another, less well paid job in this fairly remote location. We get a bit of help from his mum, but she mostly helps him out and doesn't help with the baby. DH thinks it's great being in his home town and doesn't want to move back (even though that was always the agreement). He suggested I commute to work when I go back (3 or 5 hours each way) depending on which office I go into and offered to watch the kids so I can stay away overnight in the week.
I'm feeling quite resentful about the whole thing. I think it's hard for both of us, but I feel like I'm bringing the solid income and doing the childcare, as well as going through the pregnancy and giving up my friendships and free time. I'm also well qualified and want to keep my career. I live my kids, but I don't want them to define me.
I remember wanting to murder him quite often after our first too, but it getting better when she turned 1 or so.
I'd love to hear other mum's stories, just to feel less alone