I had my DS almost 6 months ago. I suffered with pregnancy anxiety and had a lot of intervention from a Community Midwife, Consultant, Mental Health Midwife and Consultant Midwife, HV and then Maternity Psychology. For reference, a lot of my anxiety came from “knowing too much” as a midwife and focusing on intricate details, reading monitors and blood results and perhaps just understanding what things mean in a more developed sense. I’ve been a midwife for 4 years and didn’t have children prior to completing my degree in 2021.
I really thought I was going to be the “dogs bollocks” when my DS was born. I had an elective c-section (albeit waters broke early so it ended up being an emergency after 5 hours of active labour). I thought that, knowing what I do, I’d be on top of my game. Boy was I wrong.
Since birth, I’ve had petulant fears about my child dying (sorry I know it’s a lot). I struggled to conceive and then was threatened with non-viability etc. It stems from people holding the baby, feeding the baby (he’s fed breastmilk via bottle and I didn’t want people doing it aside from me) I didn’t want people to push him in his pram, I don’t leave him alone with someone else either - I am very possessive and worried. I even feel a certain way when people say “How’s my baby?/There’s my baby!” (When he is my baby, not theirs.)
Ive been on a “low mood/anxiety” course as instructed by maternity psychology. I didn’t find it helpful but they want me to go to counselling. I’ve had counselling multiple times (both NHS and Private) throughout my life but have been very blunt with situations, feelings and thoughts.
Has anyone seen counsellors for PND/PNA? If so, what should I be expecting/was it helpful? Are there other alternatives to counselling? I’m very funny with the idea of just trying to rationalise my thoughts because they’re intrusive and once I’ve calmed down, I feel reasonably ok.