2nd baby. Regrets

[intheclimbingroom]

I'm nearly 2 weeks post partum. I was on the fence about having a second, but we ultimately decided we wanted to use our second embryo to see if it worked. And it did.

My first birth was pretty straight forward, and I loved the time after she was born. In fact it was the best decision we ever made to have our first baby. This one was emergency c section and I feel traumatised by it all. The scar, the pain, is all a constant reminder of what I went through. Baby was in the neonatal unit for 1.5 days and the separation didn't help with bonding. I feel like I love him, but I'm not sure if I have bonded very well. I don't even know if that makes sense.

I currently hate my body, and want my old life back when it was the 3 of us. Today my daughter wants to go to a park that is too far for me to walk to without causing me quite a bit of pain. I feel terrible that I can't do a simple thing like take her to her favourite park. I have been in tears all morning. I want to go running, be fit again like I used to be, and not have a horrendous c section pouch like I've heard inevitably happens.

I know things get better, I remember the first few weeks were hard with my daughter. But this feels so different. Has anyone ever felt like this and come out the other side?

i went through this very recently. the first 4 weeks were so tough i full on cried a number of times. i was so snappy with my toddler and hated myself for it. 3 months pp now. its easier, i've tried to get some routine and i have some more time for my toddler. i now mix feed. i'm hoping with time it will just keep getting easier. also hating my body, but very slowely the weight is coming off. hang in there, some days you'll have plenty of wins. some days it will be rough. especially around 8 and 12 weeks when they have their jabs. this also feels very different to my first born and way more overwhelming.

I really felt for you reading this. Yes I have been there, second baby is now 20th months and our family dynamic is an actual dream 💜 it will be ok, just keep going xxx

also, just want to say that in the first 4 weeks i also doubted whether we did the right thing. that feeling will dissapear. x

Two weeks is so early.

Give it a few weeks, and you’ll be going to the park again.

I’ve had two c sections and I can run, I’m pretty fit. I don’t have a pouch at all, just a slight indent where the scar is.

Be gentle in yourself. In a couple of months you’ll feel totally different. And in 2-3yrs when your children play together nicely so you can have a lie-in or a cup of tea in peace, you’ll be glad you did it.

Thank you for these replies. 💜

You dd was ad she can't go to the park - but she will be back at the park again soon, and now has a sibling that she can (eventually) play with at the park and hopefully be a lifelong part of her life. All this shall pass. Not saying it isn't hard, it totally is, but it is temporary. Do you get much time with just the baby, as that might help your bonding?
Of course you could speak to your HV or GP as well as there are some good supports out there if you might be developing PND - not saying you have, just keep an eye on it.
congratulations on your new family of 2

And the c section pouch isn't inevitable at all. My first was cesarean (breech) and then I had a vbac. No pouch at all, it's perfectly flat (albeit a bit softer than it used to be!), and the scar is almost invisible. I had a horrible recovery from the cesarean but the surgeons did an excellent job.

Sometimes the bonding takes a while, just hang in there. And seek help if you need to, I did. There shouldn't be any shame in the hormonal mash up going on.

I also struggled a lot at first, but it will soon pass and the beauty of watching your two children play together is amazing. It's great having two, so much fun 🤩. Hold on in there. It will definitely get easier.

Re bonding - it's hard to say now as I am so totally in love and obsessed with my 2 year old, but bonding took a while, it really did. You are looking after a baby atm who is literally giving nothing back to you and with the added stresses of a toddler I can imagine it's even harder to bond. But it will come - just wait until he smiles or laughs at you for the first time.

It's ok to cry, every new parent is a mess really. You're in the trenches but it'll be ok. You are grieving your life with one just as people do when they go from 0-1, but it passes. It'll be so soon that you can't imagine your life without him.