Just started therapy for PND and birth trauma. At present I just feel really low, angry all the time, guilty for not being able to look after my baby all day and instead need dh to look after them. I cry a lot of the time and am just really unmotivated and don't feel like myself. Wish I could just go back to how it all was before I had my baby.
Dh has been off sick now so that he can help care for me and baby, but this seems to be an issue. He wants to be look after baby and I do feel really able some days, where I take him to baby classes and go coffee and just try to spend the whole day out as they are a lot easier to handle whilst outside of the home. But some days, usually a few days packed together every month or so I just can't, I feel low and so heavy I feel like I can't bare the cries and need to be alone and then go sleep just wanting everything to end. I argue alot with dh who now says he dosent feel appreciated and he wished I showed appreciation. I tell him I do value what he does but this dosent seem good enough. He seems like he hates me for putting him through this where he has to look after the baby the majority of the time, I feel guilty for it and spiral because of it so I do care and wish I could be the perfect mother but I'm not, I feel like baby hates me as well because he always cries when I'm around. Feel like leaving partner at this point, can't be around him. Today he told me that he dosent trust me, dosent think I appreciate what he does and that he shouldn't be looking after him this much and essentially being his mum. He also said I like to project everything onto the family and want to make everyone else miserable around me because I am miserable. I've just slept all day after this because I'm so low, feel like It's not worth me even being here.