Was fine after giving birth, newborn bubble for about 1.5 months after. Now I'm just a complete wreck.
I had a what I would call a traumatic birth, emergency c section after them telling me I need to induced and saying I would need forceps ( I had prepared and got itno my head I was having a natural birth did all the classes etc) feel ashamed I let myself give into medication and be manipulated by staff (hospital is known for horrific care, recent deaths of babies and mothers 😓)
It's really started to get to me where I've been obsessing over the birth, what I could've done differently, cry over why it went the way it did and stalking the reviews on Google tryna see if anyone has had similar.
I've started feeling really depressed to the point I want to kill myself, I haven't tried but have self harmed I just feel like every day is hell. The smallest inconvenience will send me into a Spiral and I'll yell about my partner and storm off going to bed for a few hours. We end up in arguments because I'll get triggered and rage off but he will make a remark to stick up for himself if say I say leave me alone you price, as obviously this is insulting to him. I've explained I don't mean it it's almost like a reflex that comes out and I just want to escape but our relationships is struggling now. Been referred to nhs talking therapy but I think he's skeptical to as if it will work and thinks maybe I'm just a bad person deep down.
I want to get better but in finding it so hard!! I don't feel like myself I feel like I'm in a loop of hell everyday and I'm tryna hold myself together with tape until I fall apart and melt down.
Looking to see if anyone has experienced this or something like this and if it gets better. I feel like I've really been effected by the birth and postnatal experience but because people have had it worse birth wise maybe it's not justified