Traumatic forceps delivery

[Ruri]

Has anyone experienced a failed forceps delivery and how long did it take you recover from the experience both mentally and physically? Sorry about the long post.

I fairly recently had my baby by forceps delivery, but it wasn't straightforward. The first obstetrician was unable to get the baby out after three contractions. The situation became very frightening and I was told not to move, the consultant obstetrician was called and managed with a great deal of force to deliver the baby. I haemorrhaged and ended up in theatre afterwards to repair my 3b tear. The following morning the first obstetrician informed me that the baby was almost to big and any subsequent pregnancies would need to be c-section. I very much doubt there will be any future pregnancies, due to this experience.

Since the birth I've experienced some PTSD but thought I was coping okay now. I have attended an obstetrics appointment today which I found totally overwhelming and feel like nobody understands how frightening and painful the birth was. I mentioned to the obstetrician today that I was told that any future pregnancies are to be c-section and she says that's not on my notes. This concerns me a great deal. I am supposed to be attending a birth reflections appointment soon and how the appointment went today makes me feel that the reflections appointment may do more harm than good. Has anyone had a similar experience of a failed attempt at forceps?

Hi

i had pretty much an identical experience to you. They tried with the kiwi cup first this didn’t work so 2 attempts at forceps followed by a haemorrhage, like you taken to theatre and asked to give consent to my womb being removed (which they thankfully didn’t have to do). I didn’t have a tear though as I was cut. Followed by a 3 night stay in hospital.

I feel a bit differently to you though, but I think it is how I process traumatic events. At the time I just remember feeling quite numb. Like all these things were just passively happening to me. As soon as I knew baby was okay at no point did I feel frightened, I actually remember at one point thinking I was going to die and just being calm about it. It’s really weird thinking back. At one point I looked down and I saw blood splattering onto the chest of the doctor inbetween my legs and was just like oh yea that’s a lot of blood…very strange. However when I look back to other things that have happened to me I have processed it in very much the same way. You say your birth was painful…mine was unbearable after they broke my waters as my contractions were back to back, they tried to give me injections to slow them but this didn’t help. They did however manage to get an epidural in before it was too late, did you have one?

I was speaking to a friend who had a birth debrief like what you’re going to and she said she found it really difficult because it was like they were trying to ‘cover up’ where mistakes had been made and we’re saying things like ‘you chose’ when she didn’t choose she was told. I think it will really depend on the approach the person doing it with you takes. It could be good for closure but could also be quite traumatic, are you able to take someone with you for support? That could help. I think sometimes the trauma of birth is dismissed by medical professionals because they see it day in day out and also see things that would be seen as ‘worse’ then what you and I have been through. I don’t say that to sound insensitive but I think they are somewhat hardened to it. I say this as someone who works in child protection and I often forget how others react to hearing certain things not because I don’t feel but because I have a job to do.

Ive pretty much parked my experience and have tried to just look at it as I have my baby who is healthy. However if you are finding it difficult then maybe you could try some counselling outside of the NHS if finances allow you to as you won’t be met with the same kind of attitude, as in trying to cover their backs.

I did have an epidural but it failed on my left side, so unfortunately felt lots of pain on that side. I also thought at one point that me and the baby would die, we had already been told it was too late for a c-section, so when the obstetrician couldn't get him out, I was thinking well what happens now. I'll be taking my DH to the reflections appointment and agree that how I react to the appointment may have a lot to do with how it's handled. I've prepared questions for it. Like your friend I do think they might be trying to cover things up, the fundal height measurements have been altered on the badger app from above to 90th centile and now show 50th. I also had been assigned a midwife throughout my pregnancy and never saw her after the birth, which is unusual as in our trust you're to have the same midwife for continuity of care. Thanks for sharing your experience.

I haven't had the experience. But my mum did! I'm the product of a traumatic forceps delivery (I heard a lot about it growing up!). Would it help you if a 52 year old 'baby' said, I'm great! It all worked out. And my mum recovered. She didn't have anymore kids but I was number 3 and she was in her late 30s which is why. But it was terribly frightening for her. She remained overly cautious with me in ways she wasn't with my two older siblings. Extremely, extremely protective and anxious. Poor mum. Mums didn't get help with this stuff in 1972. But she did do well, all things considered.

Really get some counselling. Trauma lands so differently for everyone. And even with a straightforward birth, there's that awareness that life really hangs in the balance. That baby drawing its first breath of life is on us mums and our pushes! The pressure is unbelievable. Being the givers of life is no mean feat! Go easy on yourself, lots of self love and self respect. You did it! Hard as it was, your baby made it. Sit with that as much as you can.
In the past decade plus, I've had three big 'Life on Life's Terms' moments: I delivered a stillborn daughter, my youngest had a traumatic accident which could have been fatal and by some miracle was not. Four years ago, and for no good reason at all- which means I can do nothing to prevent a future one- I had a sudden cardiac arrest and lived! All three situations, years and years later, can easily bring on panic attacks even now.
I still have to stop and say, "We are here. We breathe. It's ok. We're safe," rinse, repeat. And I just work on my breath and do the thing. It's all I can do. I've had therapy which has really, really, really helped me to 'be here now' (not an Oasis fan, by the way!) and just be alive without thinking too much about what cannot be undone, while focusing on the reality of what is: We are here, we're safe, it's all good. It's taken some time to cultivate peace. Things take time.

Little mantras, good breathing, therapy. Writing helps some people. I haven't done the latter.

It sounds so corny but when I think about my youngest and the traumatic incident he suffered, I look at him now, 8 years later (he was 2 at the time), and I just take a moment's grace, give a few seconds to sitting with gratitude and peace. This re-calibrates me, gets the bugs and fear out.

You can't undo what happened, but you can work with the good stuff and create your own internal healing balm. Therapy helps you source the good stuff. You need help to get it. Get that help. Time helps enormously, probably this is what helps most of all. Good old time, taking its sweet ass time when we need it to hurry up and help us heal. But time knows the time!
And watching your little one thrive helps you to recover. Just hold your little one and absorb the love, the healing, the being together. I find just hugging the kids the best therapy. "We're here. We're ok." Hugs confirm safety.
We heal (and hurt!) through our children. How can we not? They were bound to us, inside of us!

I had a long labour, failed forceps then emergency section under general a long time ago. More to it but I was also quite traumatised about it.

i strongly recommend that you ask to see a midwife counsellor. Our local hospital had one and I went to see her before I got pregnant with number 2. I had a few sessions and we went over my notes in detail so I understood what had actually happened and got my mind around it. I found it very beneficial and no longer focused on the fact that either or both of us could have died. I felt able to get pregnant with number 2 after understanding and talking through.

good luck to you. No one who hasn’t been through it understands the complexities of the whole thing as you’re told to focus on the healthy baby.

take care

Thank you for you replies, @SerenityNowInsanityLater and @272Newnames it is really helpful to know that others have gone through something similar and feel okay about it now! Sorry to hear about the other traumatic events you've had to endure @SerenityNowInsanityLater but pleased your coping strategies are working and thank you for the recommendations.