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Postnatal health

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Somebody please tell me this is going to get better

6 replies

KlaudH · 09/07/2024 12:49

Hi all, I posted here once before under a different topic. This is going to be a long post as I really need to rant.

I’m nearly 12 weeks postpartum. My lovely baby boy is nearly 3 months old. I feel like I should be feeling good now and enjoying myself more, but unfortunately my journey from the day I was in labour hasn’t been easy. I was having a homebirth and my labour was back to back with my baby, so it was really painful. We had everything prepared - the pool etc. But after having contractions for like the whole day my temperature, blood pressure and pulse all started shooting up and my midwife had to call an ambulance. I had to get an emergency c-section. Unfortunately, I developed an infection and then sepsis during labour, which started spreading to my baby, so we had to be separated for 5 days as he needed to be in the neonatal unit. It was so strange as I went from being very pregnant and having a peaceful homebirth to being rushed to the hospital and being in this strange environment and being separated from my baby and my husband. I later found out that I actually could have died due to the sepsis..

Then I was in pain from the c-section, but I was going to the neonatal unit every day to see my baby. I tried to breastfeed him, but it was extremely painful, my nipples started to bleed even through nipple shields (sorry, tmi). My milk supply was also low, so I had to pump every 3 hours to increase my milk supply.

When we got home after 5 days I was so tired I felt like I was floating. I gave breastfeeding a chance again and I stuck with it even though I screamed in pain sometimes. It still isn’t great even though I saw a few different lactation consultants. Later I found out my baby had a tongue tie, but cutting it didn’t really help to reduce my pain. On top of that, my midwife from the homebirth service was supposed to come to our house and help us 5 times I think after we came home, but because I received help in the hospital for 5 days they took me off the scheme without even talking to me first. I received these news just after I left the hospital.

The day after we came back from the hospital my PIL came and didn’t offer us any help whatsoever even though DH and I were in shock and I practically cried telling them what happened in labour. My MIL didn’t offer help even though she would tell me she would help us regularly when I was pregnant. My husband had to make them cups of tea and serve biscuits and then he had to confront MIL on the phone a few days after, so that should would do something, but even then we haven’t received much help. Thankfully, my mum came and helped us for a couple of weekends (she lives further away).

DH went back to work after four weeks and it was hard, but then I felt better for a week. I would take DS out for walks in the pram etc. My mood was also better, so it was nice. However, that didn’t last very long. After that week I crashed and started feeling completely exhausted even though DS is a good sleeper. To me it was a bit of a dramatic change from the week before. My mood was also all over the place and I cried almost every day. Last week I went to the GP and got a blood test. Yesterday I had to go back, because something was wrong and I received the news that I have postnatal thyroiditis. I’m in the hyperthyroidism stage and apparently nothing can be done atm, so yay, I have to keep feeling this way - exhausted, crying every day etc. Please someone tell me this will get better. I’m only 27 and I would like to enjoy my baby and my life, but I’m not having a good time atm 😔

OP posts:
showersandflowers · 09/07/2024 12:56

I'm so sorry. None of that sounds like what you wanted or needed.

It does get better, it really does. I didn't have the conditions you have but I did have a traumatic birth and then severe PND and I remember thinking "will this ever get better?". I remember feeling like I'd been pushed out it sea and just told to survive on my own.

It does. My little girl is 2 now and the birth trauma has subsided and I actually miss those days (god knows why). Time is a healer.

I found it really helpful to tell myself at the end of the day "well done, you survived another day". I really meant it. One day I stopped saying it because I wasn't just surviving any more.

I promise you it'll be okay. You're in the toughest season of your life and your body is still changing so much. Everything will settle and you will be okay and you'll enjoy your baby, I promise.

Peelspeelspeels · 10/07/2024 23:30

Oh bless you, you’ve been through so much. No wonder you are feeling like you do. But yes, I promise, it will get better. I had a rough start with my first baby and felt so, so lost. What helped me the most was counselling about a year post partum (should have had it sooner!) as the trauma of hospital was really overshadowing everything.

In the mean time, take it one day at a time. Try to do something for you every day, and by that I mean something tiny that brings you a smidge of joy - for me it was one nice coffee in a nice mug with a cake each afternoon (rest of the time was using a travel mug so I could hold baby and drink, but I needed to feel normal with a proper mug once a day! And not hold baby for those 15 min!)

You absolutely will enjoy your life again, I promise. When the demanding newborn stage is your only experience of being a parent it seems like it will last forever, but in a few weeks/months you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come, and in a year you’ll be running round after a 15 month old (which is a really fun age!) My baby is 5 now, with a toddler sister, and we have so much fun together - of course it can be tough but there’s a lot of joy too.

MummaMummaJumma · 10/07/2024 23:40

It will get better my darling.

One day at a time xx

Haggisfish3 · 10/07/2024 23:42

It really really does. I had thyroid issues after birth as well.

SlB09 · 10/07/2024 23:52

100% will get better. Similar experience. I remember saying to my mum and sister 'is it actually worth it' in those very early days as I just couldn't see through the fog.

You've had a very real trauma, and then just been expected to look after another human being!!! Honestly, I think this is actually horrendous that woman are still expected to just crack on after real, raw trauma with no support like it's the most natural thing in the world!! If a man had his penis cut off and a baby yanked out of the small hole I can guarantee you he would not be discharged from hospital after a few days with said tiny human, there would be support galore!!!

Go easy on yourself, my HV said to me the reason they tend to do a 12week check and screen you for depression is that the prevelance is at its highest at this point. Extreme bodily stress, Sleep deprivation, guessing your way through most of it and to be honest mostly not enjoying it isn't a happy for anyone.

But fear not, for all you go through these early days, once the corner turns and life starts to get a little easier each day they genuinely are one of life's precious gifts (and biggest life lesson!). Once I started to feel better I felt invincible for a while, getting through more than I ever thought j could cope with. As long as baby is fed and clean they will be fine right now. Get any help you can, you mil maybe abut tentative as she doesn't want to intrude but maybe ask for specifics like can you take them out for a walk while I shower and have a break today? She might feel more comfortable with a task rather than guessing what you want or need right now.

Best of luck, you absolutely will get there just hang in for a while longer x

KlaudH · 11/07/2024 12:10

Thank you for your comments 💓 I appreciate your kind words and encouragement

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